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Newest Member: W2MNL (46024)

User Topic: sti
torn36
43534
Member # 43534
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went to the doctor for a routinely check up and found out I have HPV. I went back for further testing to found out what strain of HPV and awaiting those results. I informed my husband and he acts like it's no big deal. I can't even think about having sex with him. Not sure where this is going to lead to.

Posts: 1 | Registered: May 2014
Ailanthus
♀ 42911
Member # 42911
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, torn. Please read the I Can Relate thread on this. I've been there, too. Take care of your body and spirit so that your immune system can be strong and fight this off.

Posts: 31 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Appalachia
mchercheur
♀ 37735
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi (((torn36))) (the parentheses are virtual hugs)

Welcome to SI. I am so sorry that you have found yourself here with the rest of us BSs ( Betrayed Spouses), but you will find a lot of comfort, support, help & info here.
Your WS's (Wayward Spouse's ) infidelity was not your fault, & you did not deserve this.

There is a thread in the "I Can Relate " forum called "Betrayed Spouse STD support"
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=435571

for those who have gotten an STI from their WS's infidelity. You will find a lot of support & info there.

Sending you strength


Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1465 | Registered: Dec 2012
hpv50
♀ 39703
Member # 39703
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Torn, almost a year ago, I was exactly in the same circumstance as you (hence my lovely user name). How long have you two been together? Have you seen any signs of infidelity, including any behavior changes, other than the HPV?

I am a researcher by training (statistics), so I spent a ton of time researching HPV. I read the actual studies rather than relying upon "google research," which is confusing and contradictory. HPV is tricky because there is a small probability that it can come out of remission after a long time, BUT the odds grow smaller as time elapses and you've both been faithful. Many people cling to that tiny hope and decide to believe their spouse. But given you're here, I suspect that you (like I) have seen other signs.

After I was diagnosed with HPV (plus it was CIN 1), and my husband denied any infidelity, I quietly slid into Search mode. Ultimately, I discovered that he was actively pursuing affairs for a long time, but I never did find anything to suggest a PA. The EAs are devastating, but I'm glad I know.

My advice to you is to do the same - quietly search everything - otherwise, 10 years from now, you will still wonder whether he really cheated. It's truly best to know the truth, one way or the other. Search his phone (texts and emails), your phone records (look for calls or texts to one or two numbers), his computer, browser history, everything. There is even software to recover deleted texts, and to track his phone so you know his true whereabouts. Place a VAR (voice activated recorder) in his car and home office. Change your own behavior patterns. I caught my WH by dropping by his office unexpectedly (his current EA was with a coworker).

And if you find anything, DON'T confront him immediately. Post here for more advice, and collect a full range of evidence before you a approach him with it. Otherwise, he is apt to lie (as many do), and it will take a lot longer to find anything once he starts erasing. So it's important to act nonchalant for now, so he's off his guard. I sucked at that, by the way, but it would have been helpful.

Good luck, post often. People here are a fantastic source of support.


Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 51, vulnerable NPD
married 19 years, 3 kids
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13; DD3 6/30/13
DD4 7/7/13 admits "trying to date other women" for 3 years

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: DC area
brkn_heartd
♀ 30396
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so glad you found us. I imagine your husband is trying to ignore it and figure out how to handle this one....how to lie his way out of it.

HPV50 had some great advice. Get into stealth mode and figure out what is going one. Cheaters lie and will go to extensive efforts to cover up their affairs. Including making us feel like we are going crazy.

Read the healing library. Post here for support. Take care of yourself and your children.

Hugs to you!


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1713 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
whattheh
♀ 40032
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your husband has it too then likely. If its the cancer causing kind then in men, it can cause man part cancer and cancer of the throat.

If hes cheating he will be knowingly be spreading an sti and there can be legal ramifications for him in some states.

HPV can be spread thru oral sex and genital contact so it can be caught even when condoms are used. But surpringly many adulterers don't use condoms and then proceed to continue sex with their faithful spouses. I was shocked by how common this is.

I have HPV from fWH cheating, and its not gone iaway yet after 2 years.. in my case it is not the high profile cancer one but it could be the low profile cancer one they dont test for.

I also got oral herpes from my fWH. In his case that went into his esophagus and caused him great pain and agony from sores. This is rare in a healthy man so I've wondered if that was some punishment. The doctor said it could keep moving when inside his body and can kill if it reaches brain. Adultery can be very dangerous... I luckily only get outbreaks on my mouth but it angers me when it happens. Never had this until his cheating with a slut school nurse who claimed she was "clean".

If you're not sure that your H has cheated know that he will lie until faced with evidence. Going into stealth mode is your best bet.

[This message edited by whattheh at 10:24 AM, May 26th (Monday)]


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 608 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
hpv50
♀ 39703
Member # 39703
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Torn, how are you doing?


Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 51, vulnerable NPD
married 19 years, 3 kids
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13; DD3 6/30/13
DD4 7/7/13 admits "trying to date other women" for 3 years

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: DC area
deena04
♀ 41741
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((torn))) I am so sorry you are going through this. Please take care of yourself. Hopefully your strain can clear itself with good health and habits by you.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
L-I-B-E-R-A-T-I-N-G ME

Posts: 1302 | Registered: Dec 2013
jjct
♂ 17484
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is a key component. Knowing what I know (ht SI), I wouldn't even tell him that I know. He acts like it's no big deal?
FUCK HIM.
Put your anger boots on. And listen sister, you know what's delicious?
YOU got the power here.

USE IT WISELY YET COLDLY.

Here's where it's going to lead you - I'm telling you in advance so you know!

You're going to "be into" your own healing for awhile. (it's "you time" doncha know)
Fine. DETACH from him. He's right = he's no big deal. Really. FUCK HIM.

If it were me and you came up with this?
I would move heaven and earth to seek ways to heal you.
DO NOT STAND for less than that. You're being used
diseased!
by an unrepentant
UNWORTHY
lying
ASSCLOWN.
FUCK HIM!

Final message. Your true worth is in you.
NOT him.


Posts: 6830 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Topic Posts: 9

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