Forum Archives

Return to Forum List


You are not logged in. Login here or register.

torn36 posted 5/26/2014 08:23 AM

I went to the doctor for a routinely check up and found out I have HPV. I went back for further testing to found out what strain of HPV and awaiting those results. I informed my husband and he acts like it's no big deal. I can't even think about having sex with him. Not sure where this is going to lead to.

Ailanthus posted 5/26/2014 08:34 AM

I'm so sorry, torn. Please read the I Can Relate thread on this. I've been there, too. Take care of your body and spirit so that your immune system can be strong and fight this off.

mchercheur posted 5/26/2014 08:41 AM

Hi (((torn36))) (the parentheses are virtual hugs)

Welcome to SI. I am so sorry that you have found yourself here with the rest of us BSs ( Betrayed Spouses), but you will find a lot of comfort, support, help & info here.
Your WS's (Wayward Spouse's ) infidelity was not your fault, & you did not deserve this.

There is a thread in the "I Can Relate " forum called "Betrayed Spouse STD support"

for those who have gotten an STI from their WS's infidelity. You will find a lot of support & info there.

Sending you strength

hpv50 posted 5/26/2014 09:11 AM

Hi Torn, almost a year ago, I was exactly in the same circumstance as you (hence my lovely user name). How long have you two been together? Have you seen any signs of infidelity, including any behavior changes, other than the HPV?

I am a researcher by training (statistics), so I spent a ton of time researching HPV. I read the actual studies rather than relying upon "google research," which is confusing and contradictory. HPV is tricky because there is a small probability that it can come out of remission after a long time, BUT the odds grow smaller as time elapses and you've both been faithful. Many people cling to that tiny hope and decide to believe their spouse. But given you're here, I suspect that you (like I) have seen other signs.

After I was diagnosed with HPV (plus it was CIN 1), and my husband denied any infidelity, I quietly slid into Search mode. Ultimately, I discovered that he was actively pursuing affairs for a long time, but I never did find anything to suggest a PA. The EAs are devastating, but I'm glad I know.

My advice to you is to do the same - quietly search everything - otherwise, 10 years from now, you will still wonder whether he really cheated. It's truly best to know the truth, one way or the other. Search his phone (texts and emails), your phone records (look for calls or texts to one or two numbers), his computer, browser history, everything. There is even software to recover deleted texts, and to track his phone so you know his true whereabouts. Place a VAR (voice activated recorder) in his car and home office. Change your own behavior patterns. I caught my WH by dropping by his office unexpectedly (his current EA was with a coworker).

And if you find anything, DON'T confront him immediately. Post here for more advice, and collect a full range of evidence before you a approach him with it. Otherwise, he is apt to lie (as many do), and it will take a lot longer to find anything once he starts erasing. So it's important to act nonchalant for now, so he's off his guard. I sucked at that, by the way, but it would have been helpful.

Good luck, post often. People here are a fantastic source of support.

brkn_heartd posted 5/26/2014 10:06 AM

I am so glad you found us. I imagine your husband is trying to ignore it and figure out how to handle this to lie his way out of it.

HPV50 had some great advice. Get into stealth mode and figure out what is going one. Cheaters lie and will go to extensive efforts to cover up their affairs. Including making us feel like we are going crazy.

Read the healing library. Post here for support. Take care of yourself and your children.

Hugs to you!

whattheh posted 5/26/2014 10:18 AM

Your husband has it too then likely. If its the cancer causing kind then in men, it can cause man part cancer and cancer of the throat.

If hes cheating he will be knowingly be spreading an sti and there can be legal ramifications for him in some states.

HPV can be spread thru oral sex and genital contact so it can be caught even when condoms are used. But surpringly many adulterers don't use condoms and then proceed to continue sex with their faithful spouses. I was shocked by how common this is.

I have HPV from fWH cheating, and its not gone iaway yet after 2 years.. in my case it is not the high profile cancer one but it could be the low profile cancer one they dont test for.

I also got oral herpes from my fWH. In his case that went into his esophagus and caused him great pain and agony from sores. This is rare in a healthy man so I've wondered if that was some punishment. The doctor said it could keep moving when inside his body and can kill if it reaches brain. Adultery can be very dangerous... I luckily only get outbreaks on my mouth but it angers me when it happens. Never had this until his cheating with a slut school nurse who claimed she was "clean".

If you're not sure that your H has cheated know that he will lie until faced with evidence. Going into stealth mode is your best bet.

[This message edited by whattheh at 10:24 AM, May 26th (Monday)]

hpv50 posted 5/27/2014 15:27 PM

Torn, how are you doing?

deena04 posted 5/27/2014 19:46 PM

(((torn))) I am so sorry you are going through this. Please take care of yourself. Hopefully your strain can clear itself with good health and habits by you.

jjct posted 5/27/2014 20:16 PM

Here is a key component. Knowing what I know (ht SI), I wouldn't even tell him that I know. He acts like it's no big deal?
Put your anger boots on. And listen sister, you know what's delicious?
YOU got the power here.


Here's where it's going to lead you - I'm telling you in advance so you know!

You're going to "be into" your own healing for awhile. (it's "you time" doncha know)
Fine. DETACH from him. He's right = he's no big deal. Really. FUCK HIM.

If it were me and you came up with this?
I would move heaven and earth to seek ways to heal you.
DO NOT STAND for less than that. You're being used
by an unrepentant

Final message. Your true worth is in you.
NOT him.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 ®. All Rights Reserved.