Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: fareast (61555)

User Topic: If I want to R
♂ 41347
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I want to R, what should I be doing as a BH? My WW hasn't demonstrated Remorse or anything yet as I am sure you read my threads. I am just curious to what I should be doing or what a FWS thinks I should do.

I am the wandering samurai, and I found my freedom...

Posts: 1045 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If your WS is unremorseful, and you want to R, you have to choose between

1) suffering while your WS eats cake,
2) do the 180 now and possibly (well, probably) D later, and
3) D now and do the self-reclamation part of the 180 later (or stay in Victim, or...).

Son, I know that's a difficult message to hear, but I'd bet a lot that that's it - no other realistic choices.

[This message edited by sisoon at 11:14 AM, May 26th (Monday)]

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 16819 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 37107
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMHO, R involves you working on you, your WS working on herself and both of you working on the marriage. I personally would find it very difficult to R with an unremorseful spouse, but obviously R and marriage are deeply personal issues, and each to their own.

So, if I were to give my opinion on what you should be doing, my advice would be to work on yourself. Spend some time working on FOO issues (we all seem to have them!) become stronger as an individual, read up on any issues you may have identified in yourself that need working on. And then, with your wife, work on your marriage. Communicate your needs and desires for your marriage. Perhaps read some books together. I know you are already in MC.


BS 49
Together 32 yrs, M 28 years
2 daughters 27yo(married with 2 children) & 21yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1310 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 3

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.