Not sure how to feel about it?
Basically she said when you need to talk I'll be here but you phone me, we don't need to set an appointment.
I found my why's, I know where my frustrations are, I am able to see the problem in todays thinking, and feel in today me world not as a child surviving.
And yet I am scared.
She said I have to keep telling myself I deserve to be happy, to not let that shame control me anymore. It belongs to others.
My shame to carry is what I have done, I have owned, made no excuses, learnt why and how and to do better, I am working daily to change those bad coping skills.
She asked me today, would berate a friend or a child or a parent or even my abuser, If they were doing what I was doing. An no I wouldn't , I would remind them they are good person, and they are trying and learning and they deserve to be happy.
So why is it so hard to do for myself.
But she is right, I have learnt, I understand where the fear comes from, I understand the bad and the good . I am aware even though I think I am disconnected, I actually have the dots connected, I just don't believe it yet.
Iam scared. But I have to do this on my own. My IC has helped me so much in the last 7 months. Changed my life.
I feel strong but weak at the same time. I want stand up and be me.
I think I have finally found me.