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I just don't understand

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jry0318 posted 5/26/2014 20:38 PM

Hello all. I am new to the forum. I just recently found out that my husband of less than a year has been seeing another woman.

About two months ago I could tell that he was not happy and I asked him multiple times what the problem was but he refused to talk about it. He eventually told me he was unhappy and we proceeded to go to therapy. Four sessions into therapy my husband tells me that he sees no point in working on the marriage because he felt it would eventually end in divorce. He had many reasons for not being happy, all being frivolous and all being my fault.

Even though I had no job and no money I decided to move out. Two weeks ago I found out after looking at our call logs on our phone that he has been seeing another woman for the past 5 months. When I confronted him about her he said she was just a friend and denied having sex with her however I refuse to believe that it was not an intimate relationship. I just feel like some of the things he told me (i.e. you're not passionate enough, you're not affectionate enough, I'm not physically attracted to you, we just aren't compatible) all sound like excuses a cheater would use.

I just don't understand. I would have never thought he would have done this to me. I just keep asking myself why? Why did he do this to me? I'm a wreck. I can usually hold it together while I'm at work but when I'm home alone in my new apartment I can't stop crying.

mchercheur posted 5/26/2014 20:50 PM

Hi jry0318,
Welcome to SI.
I am so sorry that you had to find yourself here with the rest of us BSs(Betrayed Spouses), but you will find a lot of comfort, support, help & info here. We all know how you feel.
Please know that your WH's (Wayward Husband's ) infidelity is not your fault. You do not deserve this.
Read everything in the Healing Library, & also the threads with the "bulls-eye" in the yellow circles. Remember to drink a lot of water, drink protein drinks if you can not eat, & if you can not sleep, go to the doctor and get a prescription for medication to help you sleep.

Please trust those of us who have been down this road, that it will not always feel this painful----time will help.

Sending you strength & (((hugs)))

Brokenheart15 posted 5/26/2014 20:53 PM

So sorry you have found yourself here :( I can definitely relate to your story. I am 5 weeks out from D Day, and we were also only married for a year and a half before my WH started a 5 month affair that ended only after I caught him. WH told me today that he didn't need to go to IC because he knows why he did this: the last year of marriage was "terrible" and lacked affection, passion and enough sex. Oh but he wants to R. Don't let what your spouse is saying get you down. I don't believe that marital issues cause someone to cheat… personal issues do. You make up 50% of that marriage and you weren't out sleeping with someone else!

justinpaintoday posted 5/26/2014 20:57 PM

Jry and Broken: I only know what u post here; however, if only one year into a M there is infidelity then there is a major crisis...This is the honeymoon portion of a M...What would happen when there are kids, and all the doldrums of life? I am so sorry for you both, This should be such a happy time.

Brokenheart15 posted 5/26/2014 21:17 PM

justinpaintoday,

I totally agree. It drives me crazy when my WH says that there were "major issues" in the marriage that led him to cheat. He clearly does not understand what major issues are. I am still getting emails from planning my wedding for crying out loud! I am so weary to R…maybe it's a blessing in disguise that he did this so early in the marriage, before we had kids.

jry0318 posted 5/26/2014 21:18 PM

Thank you all for your support.
Justinpaintoday: I feel the same way about the "honeymoon stage". We totally skipped it. It almost seemed as if he wanted to be unhappy. And before I found out he was cheating I was just so confused as to why he didn't want to work on problems that are so fixable. I guess he had other plans in mind.

jry0318 posted 5/26/2014 21:22 PM

brokenheart15, I think the excuses they use are an attempt to justify their behavior to themselves. I have been told by a lot of family and friends the same thing about the good in him telling me now rather than later. But honestly, he should have said something before we got married.

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