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Drugs BS and WS help appreciated

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Joanh posted 5/26/2014 23:00 PM

I am having a hard time deciding what to do about this. Since finding out about my affair my Bh has decided to say a big F you and start smoking pot on a continuous basis , no longer just recreational. He had pretty much quit then we started hanging out more at my girlfriends place and he got to know her husband. My Girlfriend has been a long time user and seriously addicted can't go anywhere. So my BH would have some there.

I found out after he found out about my affairs that he had been buying again and hiding it from me.

Now its a f you if I want to I will. He is becoming more dependent. he can't even drive anywhere without any more. If we are gone for awhile its pretty much the first thing he has to go do when he gets home. We had a disagreement and he had to go smoke.
He smokes the stuff like cigarettes. And I can't stand talking to him when he gets high, the smell repells me from him and it makes me see him as weak.

What I can see is that is probably sees me. for what I have done.

I feel bad that he thinks he needs to do this. Cause I guess I started it, yet, are we not the determining factors of our destiny and choices.

He has young children.

WE have young children. I don't want to be having to hide it . If my kids find out the reason for our arguments, then they will, I will also explain what I have done since then to keep them safe.

With all the addiction in my family and the problems it has caused in my life, I need to have people that want to be healthy,.

I don't know what to do about this.

I know I caused him to feel like he needs too, and yet how can allow it to happen.

Any help from BS and WS would be greatly appreciated

BrokenButTrying posted 5/27/2014 02:51 AM

He's smoking weed in the house with your kids there?

For various reasons, that I won't bore you with now, drugs are a dealbreaker for me. Drugs in the house with the kids, affair or not, one of us would be leaving.

Your A is irrelevant right now, you and the kids have a right to live in a home that doesn't constantly smell of weed. Drugs manipulate everyone in the family, not just the user, the kids don't deserve to live like that. They need their father to be present and engaged with the family, not stoned and withdrawn.

He needs professional help, your A is not justification for this. This is his own poor coping mechanisms.
Take what you've learned in IC and use it. Talk to him, do it in a MC session if it's not possible at home. If he refuses, then he leaves until he's willing to be part of the family again.

So sorry you are going through this, sending strength.

[This message edited by BrokenButTrying at 2:51 AM, May 27th (Tuesday)]

tfkeel posted 5/27/2014 11:18 AM

your A is not justification for this. This is his own poor coping mechanisms.

Correct. And, he either needs to find some better ways, or get out so he won't be a poor role model for your kids.

[This message edited by tfkeel at 11:20 AM, May 27th (Tuesday)]

Darkness Falls posted 5/27/2014 13:32 PM

I personally would not tolerate continual drug use in my relationship without at least an effort to get clean and sober.

Doing drugs in a house with children would be a dealbreaker if it didn't stop.

You have the right to set a boundary here. For your sake and that of your kiddos.

Joanh posted 5/27/2014 13:43 PM

Thanks everyone for getting back to me. I just want to clarify he doesn't do it in the house. Does it outside or in the garage. Keeps it out there

I wish he would want to quit says it's his medicine 😏

Nitrobob posted 5/27/2014 20:58 PM

I'm a doctor and a BH myself, WW had 4 affairs, and I wanted to numb out the pain too.

But I didn't. For one thing, you can't put your life back together stoned.

He quits or you move out or get a lawyer and file. You can't R with him intoxicated, and you don't know what emotional damage he will do to the children who will notice he isn't right.

Call his siblings his parents do an intervention cut off the money to buy the drugs, whatever it takes.

It isn't your fault that he has chosen a poor coping mechanism. That is on him.

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