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Newest Member: womanoverboard (61125)

User Topic: Can't stop thinking....
♀ 43525
Member # 43525
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just need to get some words out because I'm awake and can't figure out how to shut down the thoughts in my head.

I told my story in the JFO forum, but for a recap, on 5/8, I discovered, for the fourth time in our relationship, H has set up profiles on discreet sex sites.

I can't stop thinking what else don't I know. I spent today scanning through the phone logs for last month, with a couple of minor blips I need to follow up on, including 2 phone calls to a local florist (let's just say I haven't received any flowers lately!) The other phone calls, however, only last 1-2 minutes, so I don't see a lot of phone activity. I did however, reactivate the email addy he had set up, and found another site he had not told me about in there. I haven't been able to get the account open, and I know he won't open it if I ask him, so I'm saving the emails (he doesn't know the password anymore, and I've reset the security questions to only what I know).
He is absolutely clueless. I haven't been eating well, and when I eat, I get sick (I have IBS). I threw out the other day when he asked what was wrong that my emotions were overwhelming me physically. He just glanced right over it. He does not accept any responsibility for what he has done.
I should have the financials separated within the next week. It's so hard to see him just not care that I'm in this place (which is obvious, all of my friends have noticed I look like heck). I can't be normal with him right now...I'm so hurt and angry. Thankfully he goes back to work tomorrow (he is a construction worker and is just getting back to regular work). At least I will know he won't be home all day with free computer access.
I want off this's coming, but not soon enough.

Me: BW 39
Him: STBXWH 47
Married 10 years
2 sons, 14 and 9
DDays 2004,2008,2012 and 5/8/14

Posts: 60 | Registered: May 2014 | From: USA
♀ 42952
Member # 42952
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's just not fair. My H had discreet hookups as well. He went on sites and found random strangers, however he stuck with the same one as long as he could for STD risk (not that he was using protection...idiot!). Anyways, don't overlook those 1-2min phone calls. Those were the only calls he made to the OW in my case...1-2mins. If they are M too they usually only call to arrange a time or place or say they're on their way. There was no lovey conversation and hours of was quick meetings in cars, hotels and down seedy dirt roads. Most of my Hs communication with them was through emails because he didn't want them texting him. But definitely don't overlook those short calls. they could be to hotels, restaurants or even the OW if you really believe he was meeting up with them. They proved to be my link to finding the OW since he had deleted (unrecoverably) his email address and profiles before coming clean on Dday.

And finally, which really should be first and foremost, take care of yourself!!! The obsessing over finding out the details is exhausting. It's too much and overwhelms. You need rest, water and food. You'd be surprised how good it can feel to get some sleep, take care of yourself and feel better about YOU. I did a lot of self care after Dday - wore my nicest clothes, did my makeup and hair when I went anywhere and started taking some ME time (at first though, as you said food was nauseating). It just allowed me to start peeling my self esteem off the floor after my H took a steamroller to it.

Dday July 2013
Me: BW mid 30s
Him: WH mid 30s
4PAs came from multiple onlines
Possible SA

Posts: 912 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:06 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Those one minute calls can also be, check your messages. There are soooo many apps for secret texting that leave no evidence on the bill. I'm sorry he's doing this to you. Please see your Dr about being tested for STDs. Those sites are bad news.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 3

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