SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So, there is this guy that I've been seeing...

We talked recently, and I told him that I would like more. I would like to spend more time together, blah, blah, blah.

So, over the weekend, he came to my house unannounced. We spent the evening hanging out, eating, watching tv, etc. Around midnight, he went home to his kids (they are 23 and 15).

The whole time he was there, I was off kilter. My house was a mess, I felt....weird. I had planned on reading and doing nothing all evening. Don't get me wrong - I enjoyed the evening with him, but it just unexpected.

Crazy cat lady? Yes, I think so. This stuff is so hard.

I hear you. I'm thinking the solo life is the one I'm actually ready for now, and that's not necessarily a Bad Thing.

It worked really well for my mom in her later years. She was happy as a clam.

The thought of having anyone in my space gives me hives.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 8:22 AM, May 27th (Tuesday)]

do you think he caught you off guard? I know for me, I need to be preapred. Having someone drop by unannounced, especially if my house was messy, would certainly throw me off.

We had been texting throughout the day, so while it was unannounced, not totally unexpected.

Usually, he gives me a "heads up" when he leaves the house, so that gives me 20 minutes to tidy the place up.

I was still putting away crap from Wal-Mart when he showed up.

I guess it's personal growth for me, because I didn't actually get hives.

Unannounced in the early days would bug me too. I'm quite the creature of habit and now that I have my beloved alone time back I guard it fiercely.

One Sunday a month I like to spend the whole day in my PJs and not see anyone. My friends understand - romantic friends not so much.

Was it him or the fact that you hadn't had time to prepare?

It wasn't him. It was the state of my house - 4 dogs generate a fair amount of "tumbleweeds".

It's not even the early days - it's been 18 months of off/on seeing this guy.

I would definitely feel out of sorts.

If it has been that long then I would say next time you discuss going over to your house ask him for to call you when he leaves just in case you have to run out for a minute which could be the case if you realize there are no paper towels etc.

I am into less drama these days and I would be on pins and needles if someone felt like they could come over anytime.

I think he does like you regardless of the state of your house

It always throws me off someone dropping in unannounced. I'm more of a planner so it just makes me feel off kilter.

As for the state of your house, after 18 months its okay to let him see your place a bit messy. You'll probably feel much more relaxed going forward since he's seen it at it's worst.

You know I like him. You know I think you're holding him at arms' length because you're afraid. You know you ought to stop.

Did he mind the mess at all?

He didn't mind the mess because I fed him a "big ass steak" - his term, not mine. Which is probably why he was so hot to show up!

He didn't even mention the mess at all.

I have to keep reminding myself that I can't control everything in my life.

I dunno….this sounds kinda like…"real life".

When my current guy came over for the first time, I purposefully didn't have the house spotless. That isn't how I really live. I have a dog and 2 kids. The house can't stay spotless.

I think it sounds good.