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MedicsWife (original poster member #35793) posted at 4:15 PM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
Okay, so I don't know if this is the right sub-forum for this but...
What is considered a "normal" amount of sex for men who are 50ish?
WH-50
BW-46
Married 24 years
Feel like I am doing all the work while he doesn't do shit to fix this.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:15 PM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
My bet is that it's a big range. The range I've seen on SI, not adjusted for age, is 0 times a year to multiple times a day.
I got hit by ED caused by benign enlarged prostate at 48 for several months, but we still fooled around on weekends. (I was a road warrior at the time.)
What's up?
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
MedicsWife (original poster member #35793) posted at 5:47 PM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
My WH works overseas, and is only home a month at a time. This last time, hell even the time before that, we only had sex 4 times. The 4th time I think was only because I had a meltdown about other crap and brought it up.
I try and flirt with him, make plenty of sexual innuendos, and quite often I'm met with a "pffft" attitude or laughter.
He indicated in a round-about way that it is due to his age, but he never specified if it was ED, lack of desire, or what....and I was begging him to talk to me about it! Actually, one time I mentioned Viagra and he said he 1) didn't need it, 2) the one time he'd used it before, I'd asked him not to. Uh, yeah, because I can't go for hours anymore!
WH-50
BW-46
Married 24 years
Feel like I am doing all the work while he doesn't do shit to fix this.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 6:05 PM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
If he is able to get and sustain an quality erection then it's not ED.
If he is not enjoying sex, or interested in sex, then I would say check hormone levels, as T drifts as it should normally (this is Gods way of keeping men from becoming daddies at 70 years of age) their desire will drift off. Some men aren't good with general intimacy, and when this happens there can be a big disconnect.
However emotionally healthy men, tend to just be more physical with their spouses, holding hands, hugging, snuggling etc.
If that is missing as well I would encourage you to discuss it. Has he always been uncomfortable discussing sex, you said he tries to laugh it off? Tell him you miss it, and want to understand, and help.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
MedicsWife (original poster member #35793) posted at 6:22 PM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
No, he used to grope, or press up against me all the time. I even said I missed him doing that sometime last year. It's definitely not ED in my opinion.
We hold hands all the time when we are out and about, or in the car. At home, not so much. I'd wanted to get a furniture set that had an oversized chair or loveseat so we could cuddle, but he picked out one that has separate recliners with a console in between. He never sits with me on the couch, he never sits on the couch at all.
He used to sneak up and peek at me in the shower, doesn't do that anymore although I still do it to him.
He had a physical done in April, and I would LOVE to see the lab results on his testosterone levels, but he didn't care enough to get them before he left. He's physically fit, he runs daily, and in doing so was able to stop taking blood pressure meds a couple of years ago.
To my recollection, he's NEVER been uncomfortable discussing sex with me.
I think he's just not attracted to me anymore, he seems to prefer 20somethings, primarily of the asian and black persuasion.
Yeah, makes me feel real good about myself...NOT.
WH-50
BW-46
Married 24 years
Feel like I am doing all the work while he doesn't do shit to fix this.
TrulyReconciled ( member #3031) posted at 7:02 PM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
I would be surprised if a healthy man that age wouldn't be interested in sex once a week or more.
If that helps.
"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 8:53 PM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
This is NOT about you. Do not beat up on yourself because he has some issue going on. He needs to figure out why he feels this way.
If this is a change from what was normal, and what he usually did then.....I'm sorry but, I know we aren't supposed to talk about what brought us here in this forum,I see some flags.
I hope I'm wrong.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 9:55 PM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
Something's going on, but there are too many possibilities to speculate here.
But WTH ... PTSD?
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
fireproof ( member #36126) posted at 12:28 AM on Wednesday, May 28th, 2014
I would discuss it with him but if your gut is thinking something else then you might be right.
I don't think it is ED- there are plenty of people who don't for whatever reason or age have an active sex life but they are close.
He sounds like he is either involved in a fantasy world or just going through something.
Get involved with your life and if it doesn't get better I would suggest therapy.
Good luck!
[This message edited by fireproof at 6:45 PM, May 27th (Tuesday)]
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