Like a fool I felt driving "home", damn roller coaster got me again because of the results and shenanigans. Mostly snickering and just sniffles now. Tears are long dry. Anyway.
Some interesting results.
We all have to fight for what we want going forward and it really does come down to money, brass tacks. And standing up for what we believe in. See it through.
At the last minute, they sent a "fresh" agreement through and on it I caught some blips that Perv tried to get away with. They were huge, mega things in the lives of myself and two kids and squat for his daily life. This is in my head 24/7. The quality of daily life I can provide going forward.
So I am proud, though it caused another hearing, another bill and more babysitters.
I am also proud because I only cried once and they were very kind, the bailiff offering water and tissues. Wonder if they'll be on my bill, lol.
I come away mixed up because I am actually sad -not tons-for OW. She gets the "man" who is a shell of his former self and lying sack of ....
But you know what? In the eyes of the law, he calls her "roommate".
And...the child they live with does not exist on the forms or in the eyes of court and the law!!!
This made me sad for them because it's the rest of their lives, if they stay together, and I won't even care past signing the papers. I am "x" but he could take off from them at any time and he could claim they were never in his life to begin with, unless they get married, she makes a stink and so on...I know, I'm not sposed to think about it but it was kind of fun to rat her out and give her name and address.
They also lied, I guess this is common, but lied about money with showing less earned there. He had to put her income, which I did not see or want to, but they tried to defend her saying, "she should not be responsible for x kids." So the judge at least knows that OW is more than a roommate because it did come out and that's comforting in an odd way. That he could not hide it in the end-does that make any sense?
He also lied on some things about me and they think I should have a full time job with two kids-one a baby-all alone. I've been looking for a year and was able to produce ads I answered.
The defense lawyer -x has known locally for being a scheister and I could not help nodding or frowning at the list of items and the bailiff grinned when I disagreed. It was kinda funny.
If there is any, any advice I can give, for people going in, it's this:
1.) Don't talk at all unless the judge asks you. I would think in every state? Like while you're sitting and waiting or at the table listening.
2.) Most important-anything you want or try to prove, have as much proof as you possibly can.
3.) Be prepared to hear lies about your self. I was picturing the worst possible things about myself and none of it came up.
4.) Ask for more than you need and be prepared for trade, most especially with NPD x and lawyers. Lawyers who are NPD are really tricky.
5.) If you can have some space between ending marriage and going to court itself, this helped me tremendously to collect my emotions.
Can anyone else add anything? I also see lots of people posting about court. Maybe because I was a legal secretary for so long, I can be in the setting and am ok. Perv and his lawyer showed very evident signs of nerves. At times I had to look away when I couldn't stop snickering.
Thanks everybody. Becaus of the lies, it's been continued til next month. Pending no more surprise, I will be officially free in early June.
P.S. One of my favorite forms I saw today, especially because I was a stay at home mom for over 10 years, is a form to "hold me harmless" for debts he incurred without telling me. He kept sole control over the finances and had credit cards up the ying yang I never even knew about. He would take one out and pay another and have a trail like a chipmunk, all the while I did the mom thing, never said a word.
This also was good for sale of the house when he made a decision and bought stuff to get it ready for closing and didn't tell me ahead of time.
[This message edited by Ashland13 at 9:06 PM, May 27th (Tuesday)]
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.