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renee21 (original poster member #27088) posted at 11:36 PM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
Dropped kids off this morning. Had a brief exchange with stbxh via text...he was asking personal questions about new possible friend/interest...
Knock at front door and its stbxh and he needs to talk to me...I didn't let him in the house just talked to him outside.
Long story short, he doesn't want the divorce... Is moving out of gutter pigs family home into a male friends home...wants to do individual counseling and get back into his recovery program....
I'm floored. I didn't give him an answer, told him I needed to process everything. I'm keeping my plans to get my own place, everything as planned.
I cried so hard I felt like throwing up. I am reeling right now.
BW(me) 36
WH-36 SA
Three kids 18, 16 and 9
Married 18 years.
Multiple D-Days, multiple OW and an OC
12/19/03,5/13/2004,12/5/2009, 2/20/2014
I am no longer a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.
kg201 ( member #40173) posted at 11:41 PM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
((Renee))
Not sure what to say. I can't fathom the feelings of this. I can't imagine my X doing this.
Take the time you need to figure out how you want to respond.
Me: BH, 40
Her: Ms. Daisy
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, living together
Dday: 7/28/13
Ds17, DS12, DD12
Divorced! 2/24/2015
Apology. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 11:43 PM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
((( renee )))
Your signature says that your WS is SA.
Was he officially diagnosed? Is he in ongoing treatment for it?
SA by itself would make me think twice about reconciling, then think three or four more times on top of it.
Second, has he done anything (besides SAYING he's moving in with a male friend) to start earning your trust, etc?
In other words, what's different today than it was last week or the week before?
I'd proceed with the divorce. If he's serious, there's nothing stopping you from dating him AFTER he's worked on his issues.
Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 11:45 PM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
(((((renee))))) You've been through so much, honey. It's so selfish of him to expect you to drop the divorce because he doesn't want it now.
If he truly wants to change, he will do so whether the D moves forward or not. Keep to your plans. His actions will tell you the truth.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Gemini71 ( member #40115) posted at 11:57 PM on Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
Wasn't it just yesterday that your "evil plan" to break him and Gutter Pig up worked? So now he's all alone and needs a plan B.... 
“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”
― Mark Twain
DSs 21, 16, 12
About my Ex:
IDK
IDC
IDGAF
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014
justinpaintoday ( member #42858) posted at 12:22 AM on Wednesday, May 28th, 2014
Its called Hoovering. He is trying to suck u back in. It only works if u let it.
What is best for U. ? Think 2 years from now. R u happier free from the mind gAmes And abuse. Or do u c a happy U?
I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.
renee21 (original poster member #27088) posted at 12:40 AM on Wednesday, May 28th, 2014
I scheduled an appointment with my IC for Thursday....I'm not answering him for right now and my plans are still in tact. Regardless of his actions I am getting my own place and continuing to focus on me. I will not waiver there.
I don't know even with consistent proven actions that I can get past what he did in the last year.
I wish we could replay our experiences through our eyes for them.
BW(me) 36
WH-36 SA
Three kids 18, 16 and 9
Married 18 years.
Multiple D-Days, multiple OW and an OC
12/19/03,5/13/2004,12/5/2009, 2/20/2014
I am no longer a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.
debbysbaby ( member #32962) posted at 12:55 AM on Wednesday, May 28th, 2014
When I look at your signature I have to advise you to keep on your track. I don't think you'll ever feel emotionally or even physically safe with this man....always wondering when the next shoe will drop and you're always going to be at risk of him bringing home another disease or losing part of your income to a child support check somewhere.
Poor muffin is getting worried it's going to get real now. I would damn sure not be his safe place to fall.
-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004
Sadmumma ( member #42192) posted at 12:59 AM on Wednesday, May 28th, 2014
So.. He found out you have a new interest and he wants back in... I guess once your available to STBXH he won't want you.
Classic move, really...
Stay strong. Look for consistent action over time before making rash decisions.
On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014
phmh ( member #34146) posted at 1:21 AM on Wednesday, May 28th, 2014
According to your signature line, you have been having D-Days with this guy for 11 years.
11 YEARS!!!
Do you really think that he's going to change?
He won't -- people's personalities do not change. He's shown you who he is.
If you go back to him, you're going to just keep having D-Days. That's who he is.
You are young enough to get a do-over and to have real love in your life. This guy in incapable of it. Please want more for yourself.
(((renee21)))
Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
hurtyetstrong ( member #38372) posted at 1:34 AM on Wednesday, May 28th, 2014
This:
According to your signature line, you have been having D-Days with this guy for 11 years.
11 YEARS!!!
If you knew on DDay #1 what you know now, how would you have reacted? Would you sign up for 11 more years of this crap or run kicking and screaming?
Me: BW (31)
Him: WH (32)
2 DDs - 4yrs & 2yrs (as of Oct 2014)
multiple PAs
Filed for divorce May 16, 2014
1st court hearing October 23, 2014 (rescheduled :/)
divorce final November 20, 2014
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