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Just when I think i have it together

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renee21 posted 5/27/2014 17:36 PM

Dropped kids off this morning. Had a brief exchange with stbxh via text...he was asking personal questions about new possible friend/interest...

Knock at front door and its stbxh and he needs to talk to me...I didn't let him in the house just talked to him outside.

Long story short, he doesn't want the divorce... Is moving out of gutter pigs family home into a male friends home...wants to do individual counseling and get back into his recovery program....

I'm floored. I didn't give him an answer, told him I needed to process everything. I'm keeping my plans to get my own place, everything as planned.

I cried so hard I felt like throwing up. I am reeling right now.

kg201 posted 5/27/2014 17:41 PM


Not sure what to say. I can't fathom the feelings of this. I can't imagine my X doing this.

Take the time you need to figure out how you want to respond.

GabyBaby posted 5/27/2014 17:43 PM

((( renee )))

Your signature says that your WS is SA.
Was he officially diagnosed? Is he in ongoing treatment for it?

SA by itself would make me think twice about reconciling, then think three or four more times on top of it.

Second, has he done anything (besides SAYING he's moving in with a male friend) to start earning your trust, etc?

In other words, what's different today than it was last week or the week before?
I'd proceed with the divorce. If he's serious, there's nothing stopping you from dating him AFTER he's worked on his issues.

nowiknow23 posted 5/27/2014 17:45 PM

(((((renee))))) You've been through so much, honey. It's so selfish of him to expect you to drop the divorce because he doesn't want it now.

If he truly wants to change, he will do so whether the D moves forward or not. Keep to your plans. His actions will tell you the truth.

Gemini71 posted 5/27/2014 17:57 PM

Wasn't it just yesterday that your "evil plan" to break him and Gutter Pig up worked? So now he's all alone and needs a plan B....

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

― Mark Twain

justinpaintoday posted 5/27/2014 18:22 PM

Its called Hoovering. He is trying to suck u back in. It only works if u let it.

What is best for U. ? Think 2 years from now. R u happier free from the mind gAmes And abuse. Or do u c a happy U?

renee21 posted 5/27/2014 18:40 PM

I scheduled an appointment with my IC for Thursday....I'm not answering him for right now and my plans are still in tact. Regardless of his actions I am getting my own place and continuing to focus on me. I will not waiver there.

I don't know even with consistent proven actions that I can get past what he did in the last year.

I wish we could replay our experiences through our eyes for them.

debbysbaby posted 5/27/2014 18:55 PM

When I look at your signature I have to advise you to keep on your track. I don't think you'll ever feel emotionally or even physically safe with this man....always wondering when the next shoe will drop and you're always going to be at risk of him bringing home another disease or losing part of your income to a child support check somewhere.

Poor muffin is getting worried it's going to get real now. I would damn sure not be his safe place to fall.

Sadmumma posted 5/27/2014 18:59 PM

So.. He found out you have a new interest and he wants back in... I guess once your available to STBXH he won't want you.

Classic move, really...

Stay strong. Look for consistent action over time before making rash decisions.

phmh posted 5/27/2014 19:21 PM

According to your signature line, you have been having D-Days with this guy for 11 years.

11 YEARS!!!

Do you really think that he's going to change?

He won't -- people's personalities do not change. He's shown you who he is.

If you go back to him, you're going to just keep having D-Days. That's who he is.

You are young enough to get a do-over and to have real love in your life. This guy in incapable of it. Please want more for yourself.


hurtyetstrong posted 5/27/2014 19:34 PM


According to your signature line, you have been having D-Days with this guy for 11 years.
11 YEARS!!!

If you knew on DDay #1 what you know now, how would you have reacted? Would you sign up for 11 more years of this crap or run kicking and screaming?

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