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boots5050 posted 5/27/2014 18:02 PM


Houghton Mifflin

One who is affected with a personality disorder marked by antisocial behavior.

This is who I am, unable to express emotions as they happen, don't get me wrong, I feel emotions,
I have this innate ability to block them out.
Cheated on my wife twice, left twice
My main goal posting this is to find similar people who experience the same type of affliction
that infects me, this is my start, details will follow.
If this affliction seems familiar to you, reach out to me

tired girl posted 5/27/2014 18:17 PM

I have been disconnected from my emotions for most of my life. Not because I am a sociopath, but because of what I had to endure as a child. I learned to keep things to myself. It was safer that way. It was a coping skill that served me well as a child, not so well as an adult. Knowing how to do this is often learned, not necessarily a sociopathic behavior.

Darkness Falls posted 5/27/2014 18:20 PM

Sounds familiar to me. More to follow later...I'm at work.

boots5050 posted 5/27/2014 18:50 PM

what does that mean to you and how have you dealt
with this??

Actionsoverwords posted 5/27/2014 19:21 PM

Have you been diagnosed by a professional or are you self-diagnosing?

pastbroken521 posted 5/27/2014 19:33 PM

I have carried things through out my adult life that has happened to me when I was a child and it has defined my as a person because I let it. I am defined as what happened to me. I also stuff my emotions down deep inside and I come off soulless and hard. I have emotions just have a hard time showing them properly.

20WrongsVs1 posted 5/27/2014 20:41 PM

One of my first posts on SI, had pretty much the same title.

I have two bits of good news for you.

1) There's a one-question test for sociopaths: "Do you think you might be a sociopath?" If you say yes, you're definitely not. So congratulations, you're not.

2) The affliction you're describing is curable. Ask my kids.

Darkness Falls posted 5/27/2014 22:09 PM

The way in which I relate: I have done things and hurt people, most notably in having the affair, without any consideration for anyone else's feelings but my own. I've spent most of my life unable to make close friends because of my difficulty in interacting on an emotionally intimate level within a platonic setting. I have had trouble respecting authority, particularly that of my parents (growing up) and to a lesser extent, my employers.

Those are some examples. I have not been diagnosed as such although my IC did wonder about possible BPD.

As for how I deal with it: I focus every day on becoming a good person and doing the right thing. At first it was simply modification of the behavior, with every impulse in me being to return to what was comfortable. As time has gone on, making good decisions and having good thoughts has come more naturally.

boots5050 posted 5/28/2014 06:36 AM

This was bought up to me by my wife, looked up the definition and it stuck like glue. Every thing
I read about this type of behavior indicates it is difficult to treat, then I go back to am I a true sociopath, no I don't
I have tendencies and difficulties that I had trouble zeroing in on, always blaming my past as well as others for my behavior.
Several responses indicate that people travel backward blaming the past, this has been my crutch
for many years.
Childhood was difficult, at times extreme yet I cannot fathom why I stay stuck in those patterns

tired girl posted 5/28/2014 09:12 AM

Have you ever done anything to really deal with your past? IC?

LosferWords posted 5/29/2014 00:40 AM

Childhood was difficult, at times extreme yet I cannot fathom why I stay stuck in those patterns

I think for a lot of us, those patterns are what is familiar, and we tend to gravitate towards what is familiar, healthy or otherwise. One member pointed out to me a couple of years back that the words "family" and "familiar" are very tightly intertwined.

There are some who are able to break out of those patterns, and some of us who choose not to. I use the word "choose", even though it can be an implicit choice to continue with what has been presented to us in life from a young age. Poor choices through complacency of unhealthy familiar behavior, if you will. It takes a conscious and concerted effort to break out of it, in a lot of cases, I think.

Have you ever done anything to really deal with your past? IC?

I think what TG asked here is a great question. If you aren't seeing a counselor or therapist, what are you doing to break out of these patterns?

Best of luck to you. Keep posting!

boots5050 posted 5/29/2014 19:34 PM

yes, and finally after all these years I am starting to understand that it is possible to
change, never before have I believed that I could
change, staying mired in the same patterns, thoughts and behavior, breaking down my thought
patterns, realizing little things, like being
pleasant towards people, the responses from others has been short of amazing, friendly and receptive,

boots5050 posted 5/29/2014 19:36 PM

I was in therapy, cheated on my wife for the second time and now we are apart
One thing I am starting to do is to stick with
this website, there seems to be more insight and help here than my therapist who was timid in challenging me

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