I'm letting myself off the hook for these mixed emotions, because parenting two small children is HARD! And I don't have the mental stimulation of my career to keep me balanced.
If your H is sincerely remorseful then only you can decide if you choose to walk the hard road of R or the hard road of D. Both suck.
I would highly recommend IC for your both. He needs to understand why he did what he did and fix it. You need objective help to process the mountain of pain you have been put in. I hear of many people doing this on there own but NO THANKS is my advise. Get as big a support group as possible. This stuff can eat you alive.
I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.
I concur with justinpaintoday.
I would highly recommend IC for your both. He needs to understand why he did what he did and fix it. You need objective help to process the mountain of pain you have been put in.
It's difficult for me to even remember the first few weeks: no sleep, anger, hurt, inertia. You can't get off this ride for a long time but you can't enjoy it either (and you didn't buy a ticket, it was forced on you). You're just going to have to get through it.
So many couples have trouble communicating. And processing what happened. An IC or MC can definitely help. Make sure you feel the counselor is a good 'un! Our first MC was not a good fit.
Good luck to you!
That push-pull, love-hate is also pretty common I think. I certainly feel it. He's the person you're used to going to for comfort, but also the person who caused you all this pain. He's remorseful and sad, and you want to respond to that emotionally, but he is also the person who CHOSE to dump this enormous load of shit on you and destroy your life.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you, just many things terribly wrong with the situation you are in. I think you're doing the best you can with what you have been handed, as are the rest of us.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day or one hour at a time. You're going to be OK.
All I want for him right now is to be my puppet and do whatever it is that I ask! AND HE DOES!!! And I am ENJOYING that, what the hell is wrong with me??
Affairs mess us up and suddenly we don't even recognize ourselves anymore. I acted like a crazy ass lunatic lady during the first month or so. Cutting up his clothes, pillows and destroying his shit. I was like, "who am I?" "WTH am I doing right now?"
Stay strong and keep posting. We are here for you!
"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person
I had to chuckle when I read this. The same thing is happening over here. My H is so happy I have forgiven him and, to show his gratitude or our of sheer guilt, he also is doing whatever I ask. And I, too, am enjoying it. But here is my concern (for both you and me):
I wonder if they will grow tired of doing what we ask or, worse yet, begin to resent us for "turning them into our puppets". I look at what we have now and can't see it continuing for the long run. And once they stop feeling guilty and/or sorry, what then? We need to prepare ourselves for the day the other shoe drops. Not they will cheat again - I DO NOT mean that! But the day when they return to the person they used to be. I wonder - will my H settle into being the awesome guy I fell in love with 25 years ago? Or will he become more like the jerk that caused our relationship to go into a hyper-freeze about 7 or 8 years ago?
What can we do to make sure they remain loyal, kind, giving, and happy - without feeling like they are being taken advantage of? (Not that we are really doing that, but you know what I mean...)