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kg201 posted 5/27/2014 19:54 PM

Tomorrow is a full day of trying to hammer out a separation agreement in a four-way at my lawyer's office. I'm not holding out hope that X will be reasonable.

When you read about 4-ways you never think it will involve a couple of lawyers. Either way, though, the chances of getting screwed are pretty high.

I asked my lawyer if I should bring anything other than a wall to bang my head on. She said that I don't need anything other than what I already provided...they can provide the wall.

Gemini71 posted 5/27/2014 20:12 PM

How about one of those stress balls?

MadeOfScars posted 5/27/2014 20:18 PM

Yeah, when I clicked on this I kinda knew this was not what the title made it seem. Good luck tomorrow, hope it goes as well as it possibly can. Maybe wear a helmet if you see yourself putting your head into a wall multiple times. Sending strength.

kg201 posted 5/27/2014 20:19 PM

Ativan and stress ball...check.

kg201 posted 5/27/2014 20:21 PM have the wrong forum. I think the 4-way you're thinking of would be more likely to pop up in the New Beginnings forum.

MadeOfScars posted 5/27/2014 20:26 PM have the wrong forum. I think the 4-way you're thinking of would be more likely to pop up in the New Beginnings forum.

Didn't seem like your typical S/D topic, no.

So, meeting with 2 lawyers and your stbxw? Ativan, stressball, helmet, cross, garlic, and silver bullets should have you covered. Good luck!

SBB posted 5/27/2014 20:56 PM

I took garlic to my mediation - you know the ones in a bag that look like a sock full of rocks? My lawyer laughed out loud in the quiet waiting room when I showed him.

It helped ease my anxiety and reminded me that I was not defenceless against this blood sucking parasite.

kg201 posted 5/27/2014 21:01 PM


A sock full of coins might also do the trick...but garlic is definitely better against the blood sucking variety.

Ashland13 posted 5/27/2014 21:12 PM

Idk if it will help any to add, but actually, it stems from my legal secretary days, but I never attended a 4 way without a notebook and pen.

In court, it had to all be extended or continued because I actually caught Perv and his lawyer trying to fix the papers in a way that we did not agree at the 4 ways. It is for tax purposes. And my notes for the judge saved the "problem".

I wrote every single thing down for my own records -it's just how I am-but at some meetings my lawyer didn't have this or that and I did. Then I brought the papers and notebook to the next ones, also and kind of like in counseling, could follow better what was happening.

For me, anyway, it got to be some very quick conversations and it helped to have to read later, also. I learned with the two lawyers that they would bring papers only for the meeting at hand, where I brought everything and it could get done sooner that way. It even happened today in court.

Also, one thing I learned today, is that sometimes they slip things in the agreement on the last day before signing, so read, read read! And then, read it one more time! By doing this, I saved a major thing in our lives today and if I had just signed it today, would've lost huge. A one liner, little blurb at the end of a paragraph that I only noticed because it was a different shaped paragraph.

Good luck.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 9:13 PM, May 27th (Tuesday)]

Kajem posted 5/27/2014 21:12 PM

4 ways are an interesting dynamic. If you feel you want to talk to your lawyer alone speak up!

The 4 way was held in XH's lawyers office. I liked that every time I wanted to talk to my lawyer in private - they had to get up and leave. I know it's petty. For once I had him jumping up and down at my discretion.
Good luck,


Ashland13 posted 5/27/2014 21:14 PM

Kajem, I liked that part, too!

And I've always expected a bill for the tissues!

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