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I broke down today...

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AlwaysBeenStrong posted 5/27/2014 22:08 PM

I found out VIA Facebook, that he had taken the homewrecker to the softball tournament. This only killed me because he couldn't afford gas money to bring his son a prescription to come to our old home, but yet had enough money to go take the skank away for a weekend.

I got so mad, I instantly went into hysterics...unfortunately for me...when I get angry thats what happens.

I had a horrible day, thinking of what I will be losing when this divorce is final and how alone I will be. I really hate this rollercoaster ride, one day on top of the world, the next day, the slug under a rock.

I can say that I am excited for court on Thursday to see if he will be held in contempt and thrown in jail? Could I be so lucky???

Chrysalis123 posted 5/28/2014 08:23 AM

I am sorry he is despicable.

He lies and doesn't give a shit. And he is consistent. The universe gave you a gift to let you see that with your own eyes. Now you KNOW....KNOW.

So, dust off and get busy creating your brand new sparkly life minus the anchor that is currently chained to you.

Cut that fucker free.

Ashland13 posted 5/28/2014 08:25 AM

I'm sorry, ABS, and hope court proceedings end up the way you want them too.

I used to have similar responses to emotions and have learned how to stuff them in. In the "olden days" I was also very social when I was upset. Now I am not.

Other things I've learned are along the lines you are. I've had some money struggles before the house sold and could not buy very small things. XPervert would not help me buy a sippy cup, but had gas money for a large truck, outings for OW and her kid and so on.

I no longer pay attenton. It is a relief but took a long time.

XPervert and lawyer are highly NPD. Whenever my lawyer caught a "mistake" on their part, there was always a reason, actually a non reason, or blame for someone or something else. FWIW. I got over that in a few minutes and changed my focus and it really helped.

For a long time when I got home this week, I have been very stuck on my losses. And prior to this, almost to the point of the old disfunction and depression. I can catch myself on my own though and hope you'll be able to get to that point someday. It's like a rainbow in the sky, the first moment you realize you were going along your day and not thinking about x, skank or the past. Only today matters.

Facebook doesn't matter, either. It's what many people would like life to be. One of the best things I did was cancel mine altogether.

Gently, we do not matter. We are x's past. The Ow's are what matter to them and sometimes not even them. Only x matters to x and once that gets in our heads, it's better. Even kids do not always matter to x. Some things I fought like a dog for, for my kids, have shocked people who didn't know all the details about him. That he was going to take away from kids and then blame his lawyer again. Or the sun. Or like mili vanilli, "blame it on the rain".

Because...they didn't do anything!?

Best wishes for peace after court. -A13.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 8:28 AM, May 28th (Wednesday)]

AlwaysBeenStrong posted 5/28/2014 08:58 AM

Thanks Ladies

Ash you nailed it completely. I just have good days and bad. If it weren't for SI I wouldn't have anywhere to vent, because I am teaching myself to not react and not say anything. I know I don't matter, because if I did...I wouldn't be going through or have gone through all that I have...all done by his midlife crisis and selfishness.

I don't want him and only want this divorce as fast as I can, so I can rebuild. Feeling stuck and alone all the time, due to my surroundings...

GingerAle posted 5/28/2014 09:43 AM

((((AlwaysBeenStrong)))) I was the slug under the rock yesterday, too. Also from facebook snooping. I hope you are doing better today, and no more pain shopping for either of us, ok?

AlwaysBeenStrong posted 5/28/2014 10:31 AM

Agreed was a friend of a friend of a friend who posted a picture blam right on my newsfeed. I have him blocked and he wasn't tagged. Ugh.

I am feeling better...just sad, tomorrow is court date. Nerves shot...because the last time I saw him was court, which is good imo!

Still feeling's rainy...rainy days do that to me! Hope your day is better as well!

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