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User Topic: Protocol for Birthday of Boss
JenniMay
♀ 24595
Member # 24595
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not crazy about my boss. She is new to administration, just taking on a VP position in January (she was previously a member of our medical staff, so I've known her for awhile). For some reason, we just don't get along well. I can't put my finger on it exactly, but we seem to grate on each others' nerves somehow.

Tomorrow is her birthday & Administration has this ritual of a birthday lunch for the executive. We all order from a take-out place, get together for lunch in the Boardroom & gifts seem to be the expectation. Administration doesn't cover the lunch, mind you...we all pay for our own & then also pay for a portion of the birthday person's lunch.

I know this is going to sound horrible, but I really don't want to buy her a gift. I don't know much about her, really & she is a VP, so she probably has more money than she knows what to do with (she was a practicing physician previous to this job).

I've always heard that you don't buy for the person you report to, but everyone here seems to bang their heads against the wall trying to come up with "gifts" for these highly paid executives.

What would you do? What's your advice?

[This message edited by JenniMay at 8:20 AM, May 28th (Wednesday)]


Betrayed after 13 years of marriage.
DDay & Separated - June 2009
Divorced - March 2010


Posts: 696 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: On the Coast in Virginia
jo2love
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Could a bunch of you chip in for a gift card to a local restaurant, Dunkin Donuts, Barnes & Noble? This way it's not too much money to spend and it will be something she will use.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:22 AM, May 28th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 36769 | Registered: Mar 2011
JenniMay
♀ 24595
Member # 24595
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The expectation is that each of us bring a gift. The table is filled with gifts...


Betrayed after 13 years of marriage.
DDay & Separated - June 2009
Divorced - March 2010


Posts: 696 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: On the Coast in Virginia
little turtle
♀ 15584
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are your co-workers buying her?


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4247 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Pentup
♀ 20563
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it is typical protocol, I would not skip out of it. Political suicide or major injury at least. I think a gift card to Barnes and Nobles is a safe, non committal gift. Or a frame for her desk. IMHO


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6717 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate this kind of crap too, but unfortunately you nmay have to play the game.
I agree with Pentup- get something small and generic.

t/j
It really chaps my hide that the lower paid "underlings" are expected to jump through these hoops and buy gifts for the higher paid execs. It is one thing if you respect and like the person and do because you want to.
But to EXPECT this? Grrrrrrrrr.........
end t/j


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6736 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
IrishGirlVA
♀ 39694
Member # 39694
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So the rich get richer?

I don't know. What do you have lying around the house you don't want anymore? LOL

How about a decent bottle of wine ($15)? And instead of getting her a card, just get a wine gift bag and stick her name and your name in the card that dangles off the handle.


Me, the "B": 42yo
Him, the "W": 38yo
DDay: June 2013
Status: Over

Posts: 370 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Virginia
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ 13333
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was always of the opinion that you don't *gift up* as it can be perceived as *buying favor*... but if it is protocol, do you want to die on this hill? Do you want to be the one person that doesn't give a gift? UGH I hate office politics. Sharing a lunch should be enough - honor the person, chip in and buy a cake or donuts or whatever and call it a day.

If she drinks wine, that could be an idea. Or a GC to Dunkin or Starbucks or whatever the *place du jour* is around you. But I wouldn't spend more than $10.


Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.

Posts: 6732 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
JenniMay
♀ 24595
Member # 24595
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It really chaps my hide that the lower paid "underlings" are expected to jump through these hoops and buy gifts for the higher paid execs.

SO TRUE, GABY!!!!!!!!!!!


Betrayed after 13 years of marriage.
DDay & Separated - June 2009
Divorced - March 2010


Posts: 696 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: On the Coast in Virginia
JenniMay
♀ 24595
Member # 24595
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

do you want to die on this hill? Do you want to be the one person that doesn't give a gift? UGH I hate office politics. Sharing a lunch should be enough

LOL, Lucky!! I don't want to die on this hill. What I want to do is call in sick tomorrow...


Betrayed after 13 years of marriage.
DDay & Separated - June 2009
Divorced - March 2010


Posts: 696 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: On the Coast in Virginia
JenniMay
♀ 24595
Member # 24595
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What do you have lying around the house you don't want anymore? LOL

How about a decent bottle of wine ($15)? And instead of getting her a card, just get a wine gift bag and stick her name and your name in the card that dangles off the handle.

Wine crossed my mind IrishGirl...


Betrayed after 13 years of marriage.
DDay & Separated - June 2009
Divorced - March 2010


Posts: 696 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: On the Coast in Virginia
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ 13333
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL, Lucky!! I don't want to die on this hill. What I want to do is call in sick tomorrow...

Well that's an option too!


Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.

Posts: 6732 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
purplejacket4
♀ 34262
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is completely inappropriate. Has anyone discussed this with human resources? I can't stand it when my subordinates give me gifts (comes across as sucking up and I make much more than them so just...no). If they were my friends first beforehand that's different. I just think there should be boundaries. Saying all that I used to have a re gifting closet just for crap like that.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2357 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

get her a candle. least personal gift EVER.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13928 | Registered: Jul 2011
JenniMay
♀ 24595
Member # 24595
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone...I just returned from the luncheon.

I went with some nice mint tea (she is a tea drinker) arranged in a nice tin wrapped up in a gift bag with lots of colorful tissue paper. I really concentrated on the presentation. She seemed appreciative.

Glad it's over.

[This message edited by JenniMay at 12:21 PM, May 29th (Thursday)]


Betrayed after 13 years of marriage.
DDay & Separated - June 2009
Divorced - March 2010


Posts: 696 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: On the Coast in Virginia
JenniMay
♀ 24595
Member # 24595
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

get her a candle. least personal gift EVER.

LOL! That was one of my thoughts...


Betrayed after 13 years of marriage.
DDay & Separated - June 2009
Divorced - March 2010


Posts: 696 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: On the Coast in Virginia
JenniMay
♀ 24595
Member # 24595
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't stand it when my subordinates give me gifts (comes across as sucking up and I make much more than them so just...no).

I agree, Purple...I have made it very clear to my assistant that I don't want her doing gifts for me.


Betrayed after 13 years of marriage.
DDay & Separated - June 2009
Divorced - March 2010


Posts: 696 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: On the Coast in Virginia
Pentup
♀ 20563
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good job. It may go a long way towards smoothing the road between you as you gave her something that shows you noticed what she likes.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6717 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
JenniMay
♀ 24595
Member # 24595
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It may go a long way towards smoothing the road between you as you gave her something that shows you noticed what she likes.

That would be nice!!


Betrayed after 13 years of marriage.
DDay & Separated - June 2009
Divorced - March 2010


Posts: 696 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: On the Coast in Virginia
Topic Posts: 19

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