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Imissmyhusb posted 5/28/2014 09:22 AM

My son is four. He wont go to the toilet to BM. Always on his underwear. He will leave the rm as a 2 yr old and find privacy to go in his pants. Its drvg me nuts
A little history:
I nursed and when i switchd to regular milk he startd to get constipated. I changed his diet as needed over the yrs. when he would hav constipation it would hurt so he startd holdg it in. Ped told me to start him on miralax so he cant hold it. She said there is no medical issue, hes making a choice. Now he doesnt hav pain but he wont go in the bathrm to go.

I tried to time his movement and make him sit until he goes but he just holds it in. I cant sit in the bathrm w him for too long, w other kids and thgs to do. As soon as i let him up he goes on his underwear

Incentives dont work. He wants them and asks for them but wont do the do properly in order to get them

Any advice?

[This message edited by Imissmyhusb at 10:21 AM, May 28th (Wednesday)]

katiescarlett posted 5/28/2014 13:06 PM

No advice. I have a stubborn 3 year old who won't have anything to do with the potty and begs to wear diapers. I have a 4 month old too so I change a lot of diapers.

unfound posted 5/28/2014 13:14 PM


when he would hav constipation it would hurt so he startd holdg it in. Ped told me to start him on miralax so he cant hold it. She said there is no medical issue, hes making a choice. Now he doesnt hav pain but he wont go in the bathrm to go.

same thing wiht ds#1 when he was around 2. except that the dr assured us that he associated pooping with pain, even though there wasn't any. he'd hold it, get constipated, hurt, we'd have to do laxitives, rinse repeat.

we tried everything otc, psychological, rewards etc... and nothing helped.

finally the Ped put him on a long term rx relaxer/softner. I'm sorry, it's been so long ago, I don't remember the name of the meds. we kept him on it for a month or two until he no longer associated pain with poop. that along with consistant praise and reassurance, solved it.

eta- spell, can't, give up

[This message edited by unfound at 1:16 PM, May 28th (Wednesday)]

Chrysalis123 posted 5/28/2014 13:59 PM

What about motivating him with something fun, where to participate one must not be in diapers.

Like the pool. Tell him he neeeds to wear diapers to the pool because of the rule of no pooping in pants. And, kids in diapers can't swim....just watch.

Tell him don't worry, I will bring something for you to do.. And bring boring stuff.

Repeat a few times. Then once he uses the potty reward him like a crazy person.

Doesn't have to be the pool. It could be the park, library, anything he really likes.

Lucky2HaveMe posted 5/28/2014 17:23 PM

He surely feels the stress in your home. This might be a matter of something he can control, so he is controlling it on his terms.

I know it's frustrating, but maybe take the pressure off of both of you for a time? Tell him that if he can't poo in the potty to ask for a diaper (so at least the mess is contained and easier to clean than in underwear.

Sorry. I know it's not an easy solution!

Imissmyhusb posted 5/28/2014 21:55 PM

Thanks so much for the suggestions

Im sure he is pickg up stress and i feel terribly guilty about that

I have tried so many different rewards prizes u name it. He doesnt go into the bathrm. He has even gotten to the point where he tells me he doesnt want the prize if it means releasg his bm in the toilet

Im at my wits end

Holly-Isis posted 5/29/2014 08:37 AM

So he's capable of holding it.

You don't want to get into a control struggle with him. This is a "pick your battles" issue. My child development prof told us there are things we can't force kids to do, so making them into a battle is a lesson in futility.

We can't force them to eat.
We can't force them to fall asleep.
We can't force them to use the restroom.

What we have to do is create boundaries that makes it preferable for them to follow the rules. For instance, "Five bites of this healthy food, then you can have your choice of food." If they choose not to eat those five bites, fine, they don't get the preferred food.

"You don't have to sleep, but you do have to stay on your bed doing a quiet activity such as looking at a book."

For potty training, we've used a few tactics in my daycare and parenting experience. They might create more work initially but tend to work in the long run.

My kids had naked time and learned to use the potty, that and the cloth diapers that made having a mess in their pants uncomfortable.

We've also had parents go shopping with their kids for "cool big kid" underwear. The kid picks out their favorite characters. You tell them, "Your job is to keep your Superman underwear dry and clean. When you go in them, we will switch to these underwear." Then get the big, thick ugly training pant underwear for him to change into.

If you notice he tends to go into a corner or other secluded place to release his BMs, watch him as close as you can and when he does that, stop him and take him to the potty.

Finally, for some kids that like the control, we've had them change themselves. We've only done this when they show they have knowledge and control of their BMs. Yes, we provide assistance. But they have to pull the pants down (we have changing paper for that part) and dump the poop in the toilet- because that's where it goes. Then bag up (or at home I suppose put it in the wash) the dirty underwear and help wipe themselves down. For children who are trying to control or think it's faster to just have you change them, this time consuming process means they have less play time.

Finally, consider the fact that if he's going on the big toilet, he might be afraid of it. If he associates the pain of the constipation with the toilet, or even with falling in, it might contributes to him resisting sitting on the potty.

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