SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Situation:

Lived in formerly marital home for 5 years post divorce. Ex and I equally paid mortgage and to split equity at sale and now, add on xxx amount for CS arrears (legal and signed)so I will get more than half.

He may want to buy me out so I get paid my equity plus the xxx amount for arrears. Who pays me this? ex or the mortgage company?

He thinks he is getting furniture he legally signed over to me while in affair fog love bliss unicorn land, claiming some are family heirlooms. (not quite but whatever, guess he regrets it now) I only want a few things and leaving the rest. How do I go about using this as bargaining chip rather than just letting him have it from his bully behavior? Agreement only says I am not allowed to dispose of it essentially I keep it forever. In event I don't want it any more I have to offer to him first. That means it moves with me when I go if I want right? He seems to already be interpreting that differently. What about appraisal? I don't trust him for fair deal or value of house plus he has extended family in that industry of appraising.

It's a few months away, just want to plan ahead. Have you done this? Any advice? Googling only tells about at divorce not beyond, nothing helpful about bargaining or making sure the other party doesn't scam.

Whatever happens after I get paid and off the deed, I don't care. My guess is owife will be on the new title. She can't wait to get her hands on anything mine. Well she can have it.

He may want to buy me out so I get paid my equity plus the xxx amount for arrears. Who pays me this? ex or the mortgage company?

I had a legal agreement that stated what I owed XW to buy her out. I went and refinanced the house to cover the current mortgage plus the amount that I owed XW. The refinancing company payed my XW and the old lender their shares. XW had to sign a quit claim deed giving up her right to the property (part of the legal agreement that I mentioned above), and the refinancing took her off the deed as well as the new mortgage.

Definitely get an appraisal done so you know the equity that is to be divided. Then don't bring this up but it you were to sell to others you'd be paying a realtor's commission. You might want to call and see what the going rate is for that. For you if he gets testy you might think to forego some on the equity because you know you'll lose it in a commission sale. And don't accept lower than the appraised value from him.

If he isn't refinancing then you will still be on the mortgage so protect yourself.

What would you do if ex didn't want to buy you out? Talk to a Realtor.

Determine a market price. Don't just go on appraised value, and certainly not one he sets. If he wants to buy you out, he can pay market price, and closing, and all those fun fees.

As for the furniture, be vague and noncommittal. "I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my furniture yet, but if I decide to get rid of any of it, I'll let you know."

Can you have an agreement drawn up that states ...

In return for the items listed (be specific) to be left in the former marital home, XH relinquishes all rights (current or future claims) to any and all remaining furniture or household goods.

I am thinking this relieves you of having to offer him broken furniture or old place settings forever into the future.

If you don't want it, leave it for him. But make it work for you for sure.

Whatever you do, force him to refi the house if he wants to buy you out. DO NOT stay on the mortgage. And most definitely DO NOT sign a quit claim if your name is still on the mortgage.

All excellent suggestions, thank you.

He won't want to sell house if he buys me out, for other reasons. He'll probably own it until he dies.