My advise is fairly straightforward and typical
1) Full and total transparency
2) IC for you both
3) MC for both
Your H appears to have some deep seated issues that he needs to discover else u risk dealing with this behavior over and over again.
Is he remorseful? This means proactively trying to help you heal. I could be wrong but it seems he is telling you to leave him to create a pity party for himself because he knows u will cave and beg to save the M.
Why do you want to save ur M to a serial cheater?
How did you "get through it" last time?
What sexual problems?
Are u fighting for M because u r afraid to be alone or change?
Will he change? I always thought my ww would have some epiphany moments and come groveling back. I then had lunch with a few other men that went through the same thing (midlife crisis and a cheating spouse) ...unfortunately the old spouse never returned, they were broken beyond repair. (sorry it sucks).
[This message edited by doggiediva at 9:39 PM, May 28th (Wednesday)]
60 years young..
He finally got help 7 years later, but honestly, I left the marriage because I just couldn't deal with "a drink away" from all the chaos again.
It will have to be a personal choice for you regarding his cheating. I also say IC for both and MC together. Alanon taught me to give it 6 months to get my mind together before making any decisions. And that was what I did.
I heard on the radio recently that people with addictions first problem is their thinking or thought processes. That's why they have to stay committed to a lifelong program to keep their thoughts on the right path to have a clean life.
That's the precedent you've set and those are the roles you are both destined to play. But you can no longer claim victim status, you became a volunteer a long time ago.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over - and expecting different results. So no, I don't believe for one second that he's suddenly going to turn into a choir boy and show you the love, respect, and loyalty he should have been showing you since day one. I think once he's accomplished your acquiescence once again and you're back to 'normal' life, he'll just slip off and repeat what he's beeing doing for years.
I think we all have our limits and you just haven't reached yours yet. I do wish you much strength and peace of spirit and mind, Roseglasses.
[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 8:03 AM, May 29th (Thursday)]
I'm so sorry for your pain. I'd like to encourage you to get yourself into some counseling. As far as having your own A? I doubt that will help you or your family. My opinion is it will only make things worse for you. You're already dealing with the guilt and anger for allowing yourself to stay in a marriage with a man that continues to hurt you. You don't need the guilt that an affair brings.
The best thing you can do is first see an IC and then see a lawyer who can advise you of your rights. It's only advise.