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Alexisk17 (original poster member #39566) posted at 4:44 PM on Thursday, May 29th, 2014
It seems that the BS is always encouraged to "work on themselves" after Dday. Well, I did... and just wanted to share a small victory in that regard.
After dday I decided to fulfill on of my longtime goals, a career change. I have wanted to work as a yoga teacher for years but have felt bound to my office job for a regular paycheck. I didn't want to take the extra money and time of training away from my family. Deep down I didn't feel I was worth it. WH spent lots of time away from us for various hobbies but I felt as if I needed his "permission" to do that for myself.
After dday I said screw it! I enrolled in a two year training program and am just wrapping up my first year. I have just registered with a local community centre to teach my first class which starts at the begining of July. This is such a scary and exciting first step, but it means so much to me.
Not only am I proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone but I am immensly proud of WH for supporting me through it. This was a huge test for our relationship but he passed with flying colours. He was home with the kids for every weekend workshop and the classes I attended weekly. NEVER ONCE did he ever question how much time I was spending away or whether we could afford the course fees. This commitment on his part has helped my healing immensly.
It dawned on me this morning that I have deserved this all along. This was the relationship that I have deserved since the very begining and never asked or demanded from WH. Our old marraige is dead, and THANK GOD! I could never go back to that old way of living :)
So, a note of encouragement to anyone who is scared of stepping out of their comfort zone or afraid to spend the time they deserve on themselves. You won't regret it 
BS (me) - 30
WH - 30
2 sons (born 2010 & 2013)
Married: 2009
Dday: March 2013
R since: May 2013
WH's EA lasted two months and turned PA once we separated.
HowToLiveWithIt ( member #18662) posted at 4:48 PM on Thursday, May 29th, 2014
Congratulations to both of You! It was great that you decided to do it, gave him a chance to prove his commitment and that he took the chance and passed the test. Thanks for sharing this positive story. Way to go!!
Me BH 53, seemingly married happily 25 years
Wife 51, 3 years after DD,over 25 years she had 3 PA affair, last one developed as EA but then turned PA and lasted for 6 years. Trying to reconcile.
rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 4:57 PM on Thursday, May 29th, 2014
karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 5:10 PM on Thursday, May 29th, 2014
The best part of having to go through this journey was the healing I allowed myself.
I am so happy for your success and good mojo for your upcoming class!!
Good for you!!
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
veronique12 ( member #42185) posted at 5:14 PM on Thursday, May 29th, 2014
Good for you, Alexisk. What a wonderful accomplishment. Thank you for sharing. You made me smile.
BW, D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for 20 years
2 beautiful young kids
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 6:22 PM on Thursday, May 29th, 2014
Neat! Congratulations and best of luck!
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Daisy312 ( member #36813) posted at 1:05 AM on Friday, May 30th, 2014
Congrats! I think that this is one positive that I got out of the A as well. I don't feel guilty taking time for myself or doing things for myself. You are so right that this is what we always deserved, but I think many BSs are selfless people and we forget about ourselves.
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 2:22 AM on Friday, May 30th, 2014
Namaste!
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
PollyA ( member #40567) posted at 4:12 AM on Friday, May 30th, 2014
BW - 2 x's ( once before married, got therapy, thought we'd both moved forward)
WH - SA? Probably not. Just a Selfish ASS
DD1 - 4/2001 - 1 OW, left, returned, therapy, thought he'd "gotten it". I was wrong.
DD2 - 8/2013 -
SadFlower ( member #37725) posted at 1:27 PM on Friday, May 30th, 2014
Congratulations, Alexisk! What great news. Hurray for you for following your dream!
BTW, I don't know how I would have gotten through these last (almost) two years without yoga. I love the idea that you will be spreading calm and strength (both inner and physical).
Me: BW, age 71
Him: WH, age 70
Married 24 years
In R.
D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA
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