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Newest Member: flowerfarmer (61841)

User Topic: Work on Me
♀ 39566
Member # 39566
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems that the BS is always encouraged to "work on themselves" after Dday. Well, I did... and just wanted to share a small victory in that regard.

After dday I decided to fulfill on of my longtime goals, a career change. I have wanted to work as a yoga teacher for years but have felt bound to my office job for a regular paycheck. I didn't want to take the extra money and time of training away from my family. Deep down I didn't feel I was worth it. WH spent lots of time away from us for various hobbies but I felt as if I needed his "permission" to do that for myself.

After dday I said screw it! I enrolled in a two year training program and am just wrapping up my first year. I have just registered with a local community centre to teach my first class which starts at the begining of July. This is such a scary and exciting first step, but it means so much to me.

Not only am I proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone but I am immensly proud of WH for supporting me through it. This was a huge test for our relationship but he passed with flying colours. He was home with the kids for every weekend workshop and the classes I attended weekly. NEVER ONCE did he ever question how much time I was spending away or whether we could afford the course fees. This commitment on his part has helped my healing immensly.

It dawned on me this morning that I have deserved this all along. This was the relationship that I have deserved since the very begining and never asked or demanded from WH. Our old marraige is dead, and THANK GOD! I could never go back to that old way of living :)

So, a note of encouragement to anyone who is scared of stepping out of their comfort zone or afraid to spend the time they deserve on themselves. You won't regret it

BS (me) - 30
WH - 30
2 sons (born 2010 & 2013)
Married: 2009
Dday: March 2013
R since: May 2013
WH's EA lasted two months and turned PA once we separated.

Posts: 185 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
♂ 18662
Member # 18662
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations to both of You! It was great that you decided to do it, gave him a chance to prove his commitment and that he took the chance and passed the test. Thanks for sharing this positive story. Way to go!!

Me BH 53, seemingly married happily 25 years
Wife 51, 3 years after DD,over 25 years she had 3 PA affair, last one developed as EA but then turned PA and lasted for 6 years. Trying to reconcile.

Posts: 76 | Registered: Mar 2008
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that's a great story!

Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The best part of having to go through this journey was the healing I allowed myself.

I am so happy for your success and good mojo for your upcoming class!!

Good for you!!

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 4012 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
♀ 42185
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you, Alexisk. What a wonderful accomplishment. Thank you for sharing. You made me smile.

BW, D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 894 | Registered: Jan 2014
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Neat! Congratulations and best of luck!

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 17077 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 36813
Member # 36813
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats! I think that this is one positive that I got out of the A as well. I don't feel guilty taking time for myself or doing things for myself. You are so right that this is what we always deserved, but I think many BSs are selfless people and we forget about ourselves.

Posts: 320 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10182 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 40567
Member # 40567
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love this!!

BW - 2 x's ( once before married, got therapy, thought we'd both moved forward)
WH - SA? Probably not. Just a Selfish ASS
DD1 - 4/2001 - 1 OW, left, returned, therapy, thought he'd "gotten it". I was wrong.
DD2 - 8/2013 -

Posts: 468 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: PollyA
♀ 37725
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations, Alexisk! What great news. Hurray for you for following your dream!

BTW, I don't know how I would have gotten through these last (almost) two years without yoga. I love the idea that you will be spreading calm and strength (both inner and physical).

Me: BW, age 69
Him: WH, age 67
Married 22 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA

Posts: 497 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
Topic Posts: 10

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