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Curious about divorced at age 50+ ladies that been here awhile

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shiloe posted 5/29/2014 11:50 AM

If you had to start over being divorced at 50+ as a woman, I am curious how it turned out.
Did you end up alone? Meet a good man you really like and are attracted to and he feels the same way about you? Did you just decide to settle on some guy because, let face it, not much to pick from at this stage of the game. Do you feel that only much older men were interested in you as a future care-taker?
Do you think you will find someone and get remarried in the future? Or just have someone to hang-out with?
What is your opinion on the dating market for women over 50?

Just curious . . interested in your thoughts on this subject

Charity411 posted 5/29/2014 12:16 PM

Hi Shiloe,

I'm in my mid fifties and have been alone for quite some time now. After my divorce I was in one long term relationship that was a disaster. I shouldn't have dated anyone for a long time. It would have saved me a lot of grief.

Since then I have dated a few men, some for quite some time. What I have found is that at this age, the men I have come in contact with are looking for all the perks of a wife without the burden of being a husband. It has been remarkably consistent in my case. And some have outright asked me to finance their dreams with no commitment of any kind. When I said no they moved on.

I can honestly say I am much happier being alone. I sure there are wonderful men out there and possibly if I were to come accross one I might reconsider. But for now, there is comfort in knowing who I am and what I have and knowing no one can destroy my world.

Kajem posted 5/29/2014 13:37 PM

I was divorced in my 40's, then in a long term relationship for 8 years. When it ended I was in my 50's.

I haven't dated since then, instead taking the time to rediscover and recenter myself. I get caught up in helping the people I love, that I tend to forget about me and my needs. I'm taking this time to rediscover my interests and to expand my friend base.

If someone crosses my path wanting to date - I'll visit that question then. Till then I'm working on keeping busy.

I don't want to need a man in my life. I want the right one, but if we don't find each other I'm ok with that.

inconnu posted 5/29/2014 19:21 PM

technically I was divorced at age 46, but I'm 50 now. My SO just moved in with me (and my adult kids) a couple of weeks ago. We've been dating for 4 years, btw.

I did not settle. I didn't plan to start dating until much later in my "rebuild my life" plan. I was happy settling into my new role as a single mom who was going back to college so I could enter the workforce.

And then I met this guy. Thought he was the kind of person I'd love to have as a friend. Intelligent. Witty. Funny. Open. Honest. Great conversationalist.

Yeah, I fell so hard that I was chasing him before I even realized I was interested in him as more than a friend. Then I had to do a little convincing that I really was as interested in him as I was. Lucky for me he was just as interested in me.

And it's been wonderful.

We may never get married. Then again, maybe some day we will. Marriage has never been the goal, though. Enjoying what we have together has. Loving each other and appreciating that love is what matters.

There are good men, and good women, out there. It's important to be healed, and happy with yourself and your life first, before you try to find that person though.

Too_Trusting posted 5/29/2014 21:10 PM

I'm in my mid-50's too, and agree pretty much with Charity411. I did have several relationships post-D, but I found the men to be less than truthful sometimes, and I eventually figured out that others were looking to me to provide their financial stability.

My last relationship was 2006, when my SO died suddenly from an aortic dissection. After his death, I learned many things that eventually led me to conclude that he was seeing his exW while we were supposedly in a committed relationship. After that fiasco, I determined that my picker is just broken. I am a good person, and I just believe (or want to believe) that others are as well.

I decided that I was no longer interested in a relationship. For the first time in my adult life, I began to focus on ME. I got busy building a life about me and for me.

And you know what? I've never been more content.

Here I am nearly 8 years later, and I haven't even considered dating anyone. I'm not looking and truly enjoy my life being lived FOR me.

I know it's hard for others to wrap their head around this, but it works for me. And at the end of the day, that's really all that matters.

I don't want to sound all gloom and doom to anyone that truly wants a relationship, SO, or marriage after age 50. I'm just saying that FOR ME, at this point in my life, this is what I'm doing and I'm actually enjoying it.

FaithFool posted 5/29/2014 22:17 PM

I'm six years out and still alone and really starting to enjoy the freedom that comes with that.

Just watched an interesting documentary on it.

It's OK to be alone. The more I do it, the more I like it. I'll probably never cohabitate again. Perfect boyfriend will be an introverted extrovert like me.

fireproof posted 5/29/2014 22:23 PM

I know quite a few. The realities:

1. There is a lot fewer men than women and some not ALL tend to be attracted to younger women but it is only some

2. The ones who are truly happy are very happy because they have their own space and to some the idea of marriage is not that appealing- they don't want to give up their freedom or space. They would be happy if each of them had their own place but spent a lot of time together including evenings but they feel like their space is important to them. That was refreshing just in case a partner is not in the future.

3. More of a focus on companionship and enjoyment.

I do tell my friends to be safe because they trust but in reality there are a lot of odd women and men and take your time.

woundedwidow posted 5/29/2014 22:38 PM

Well, I was widowed rather than divorced at age 58; I will turn 64 next week. I haven't dated in the interim. Your #2 and #3 reasons would apply to me if I ever get into another long-term relationship. I'm at a point of financial stability in my life that I have no desire to co-mingle my finances with someone else, nor would it necessarily be prudent. I like my space and my own time, and don't like having to compromise anymore. I did too much of that for years. I could happily have a "gentleman friend", possibly with benefits (hey, I'm old but I ain't dead yet!), but I'd be perfectly happy to keep my own home and he keep his. And I already took care of one husband to his deathbed; I don't want to go through that again, so I don't need any of the 80 yr. olds that would be seeking me out on OLD. Nope, no thank you.

Sad in AZ posted 5/29/2014 23:28 PM

I divorced at 55, and I simply do NOT focus on having another relationship. That's not what my new beginning is about. It's about me enjoying myself and making my own way in the world. If I meet someone, great. If I don't, great.

I love life without the anchor of the X around my neck. He's growing older and more unhealthy by the minute, and he's not my problem anymore.

cdagal posted 5/30/2014 07:16 AM

DDay just before my 51st birthday. Divorced by age 52. Now coming up to 55 this summer.
Had a couple of nice meals and conversations with a equally nice gentleman last year but apart from that.....
Realizing that life without a man isn't that bad. I rather like knowing the bank balance is exactly what I expect it to be, eating what and when I want to, having classic movie marathons without feeling guilty about ignoring him.
I'm open to a relationship. I don't stress over not having one. It's very unlike my early 20's when I was constantly pining for a relationship. I've been through all the milestones - marriage, kids - that I don't feel a need to have that significant other to complete me. But if a nice one came along, I wouldn't drop the chance

rachelc posted 5/30/2014 11:00 AM

I'm not divorced but I'm close to 48 and this thread has been good to read.... just in case.

SoHappyNow posted 5/30/2014 11:03 AM

I was also a widow, not a divorcee. I already was friends with my current husband at the time of my late husband's death. AND, I had already done most of my grieving before he died. I am perfectly happy living alone - I did it for a total of 4 years while my late hubs was working overseas. So I didn't just desperately grab onto the first man to show interest in me. There were 2 other neighbors who expressed some clear interest in me once I became a widow, and one of them is still a friend.

For me, it had worked out beautifully. I have NEVER been happier in my life!!!!

fadedrainbow posted 5/30/2014 14:59 PM

Hi Shiloe,

My DDay was 9 years ago, divorced when I was 55. I'm 60 now and the last time I was single was in my 20's for a couple of years. Since my divorce both my children have left home so I am on my own now with my kitty cat. I was so devastated by the breakdown of my marriage it has taken me a long time to heal and start to reinvent myself and make a new life. I am introverted and am not very social. The few friends I have are married and their widowed or divorced friends seem to go after the younger women. I am not adverse to meeting someone but don't want to do OLD. The longer I am alone the better I feel. At first I thought I would die of loneliness and couldn't imagine my life without my XH. I have no idea if I will find another person to share my life with. I am open to possibilities but not actively searching. My focus is on me now and living the life I deserve but put on the back burner for way too long.

foxglove posted 5/30/2014 15:19 PM

DD was almost 8 years ago, and I've been divorced for 7 at aged 45. I dated right out of the gate after the D, and was not ready at all, so I took about two and half years off from dating, not intentionally, but I really found I had to grieve the end of my marriage and process a bit. I also went back to school, and got involved in a lot of other things that interested me.

About four years ago, I started dating a bit again, but nothing special other than figuring out that I didn't want to settle for just anyone or anything. I actually liked being on my own. About two and a half years ago, I was reintroduced to the brother of a good friend. I'm 52 and he's 53. I don't anticipate that we will ever marry, but we are talking about moving closer together. Right now, we live about three hours apart. I'm looking to relocate closer to him, since he still has kids in school and mine are grown. He is a good, good man and we have lots of fun together.

I think there some very nice men out there our age, but just like us, they have had life experiences-some good, some not so good.

For me, the best thing was learning to enjoy my own company first and foremost, so that no matter what, I'd find satisfaction in life.

InnerLight posted 5/31/2014 01:12 AM

DDay 6-2-08, age 47. Separated a month later and the d dragged on for 18 months. I met someone soon after that. I went from being allergic to dating to feeling ready to interact with men again.

I had the most enjoyable courtship I've ever had with a kind thoughtful masculine man. We are together 4 years and we've talked about being open to the possibility of building a life together but we are in no hurry.

My finances are not secure. The d was really hard on my finances. I'm in a field where you mostly have to be self employed and it is challenging. He is accomplished in a creative field that doesn't pay well. We are both somewhat focused on figuring out the money puzzle. I thin if we were more financially secure it would be easier to think of marrying again.

Mostly I just enjoy his companionship and I don't feel strongly about marriage.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 1:13 AM, May 31st (Saturday)]

Blackhair posted 5/31/2014 09:10 AM

I am 49 now, legally separated for a year, divorce soon. I dated a nice man but too much too soon, he needs his space and golf time. He loves me but I don't feel the kind of love I want..... There are lots of men who is 60 are interested in me on old, or younger men are just for sex, so good post, I am ready to be alone for a while at this point. Better to have few good single girlfriends.

shiloe posted 6/8/2014 12:37 PM

So from all the replies to this thread, most of the older women have not found "love" after the divorce and all seem happy and/or resigned to being alone. It's not really what they want but know the odds of finding a man close to their age with who is a good match with them would be against the odds.

Or they are dating someone for companionship but not feeling "passionate love".

Any 50+ men care to tell what they think also???

Sad in AZ posted 6/8/2014 12:47 PM

all seem happy and/or resigned to being alone. It's not really what they want

How did you come to THIS conclusion from the responses. Pretty much everyone said it IS what they want.

FaithFool posted 6/8/2014 13:05 PM

It may not have been what I wanted at the beginning, but it has become what I absolutely CRAVE now.

I can't imagine living any other way and I'm completely satisfied with that. It's bliss not having to compromise.

My boss is in a 30-year marriage and has hit the wall with a husband who isn't open to changing *at* *all*.

She's craving a new post-retirement home scenario and some travelling. All he wants to do is golf and stay put.

I don't envy people in that situation...

[This message edited by FaithFool at 1:07 PM, June 8th (Sunday)]

shiloe posted 6/8/2014 13:11 PM

I guess from the lack of responses saying something along the lines of: Found the love of my life after divorce, so in love, we are happy together, talking marriage, etc

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