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Healing & Timeline Help? (slight tmi)

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KBeguile posted 5/29/2014 13:09 PM

It's the middle of Year Two, and my BS has lost all interest in sex of any kind. While this has been a change from the way she has been in other stages of the recuperation process, we've talked about it, and neither of us knows whether or not this is a "healing" change or a "dissolution" change -- are we recovering together in R, or are we wasting our time?

Thoughts? Has anyone here had experience with this part of the the process? Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated.

5454real posted 5/29/2014 13:35 PM

BH dealing with some of the same issues in reverse.

Where are you guys with intimacy? Foreplay with no follow through? By that I mean the gentle caresses in bed, the back rubs. Have you ever given her a scalp massage in bed to the point she's drooling? Do these acts always lead to sex or your expectation of the same? How long has this been going on? Have you tried *fake it til you make it*?

As you can see, I've got a lot of questions . Sorry

KBeguile posted 5/29/2014 17:36 PM

Don't apologize, 5454real. I probably left out a LOT of crucial data points...

Intimacy (kisses on the neck, deeper-than-lips kisses, touching erogenous zones) in any form currently triggers her, or at least starts her creeping toward a panic attack.

Caresses, touching, scalp massage, back rubs ... all these are fine and dandy, as long as there's no lingering suspicion/doubt that it will lead to anything more. However, I am fortunate enough that I have not associated performing these kinds of gentle touching acts with any kind of expectation. I do this kind of thing for her all the time, and she greatly enjoys my touch.

This is a fairly recent issue ... at least, in terms of her dealing with it and confronting me about it (5/19) ... so it's still new and somewhat daunting. This, too, leads me to hope that this is something temporary. It's only been 10 days of confrontation on this issue, so it's possible that this is just something that is part of the healing process.

I would also like to add that I'm in no rush to resume sex without her in it. I've been celibate/abstinent to sex that doesn't involve Heart (I had some trouble getting rid of porn in my life post-DDay, but I've been free and clear for a few months now, and haven't had any problems).

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