I am so confused.
I have on my WS hat tonight. In MC, I dropped the bomb on my poor H that the EA that was over 10 years ago had an 8 month PA component in the middle. I knew I needed to come clean about that or we would never make a full recovery if it is still possible. And I needed to not be a POS about it anymore and do the right thing.
My poor H is in the depths of a midlife crisis, without any coping tools at all. This EA that he's having is just one piece of it. He needs to investigate whether he wants to be married to me at all separate from that, just as I do.
I know I've been told I needed to do a hard 180, so I did that, but our situation is just too complicated to just throw him out and file for D.
And we're doing an in-house separation for a month (still to be negotiated, hopefully Monday, but for now, just staying out of each other's way when not at MC), and I blast him with this right at a time when I cannot demonstrate true remorseful behavior myself.
Obviously, I still need to have boundaries to protect myself, but right at this moment I feel like if he's amenable to it, we can keep renegotiating separation for a while until he's got some stuff figured out. He's bound to be feeling a lot of resentment over being kept ITD for a decade because I was a selfish asshole.
It's crazy, but I can't help feeling a tiny bit of optimism. I know he may choose to leave me after this latest revelation. I know my M could still be over even if we get past the affairs.
But maybe if I hang in there with him through this MLC and make sure he at least has a place to live while he goes to counseling, we can still R later?
