WGF - 24
When I read you're post I was upset, but it was something I needed to hear. We are about 5 months out from dday. My BFF is in question because the day I went to "end things" with the OM, she knew about it. She watched me put on makeup right before I went to go see him. I told BBF and he is very hurt because she was like a sister to him too. That was the day the EA became a PA. I understand his pain because he thought he could trust her too.
I have been open and honest and I understand it's still early and I need to be patient. It took me awhile to realize what you were saying until I read another post and it clicked. She is not in this relationship, I can't run to her and ask for help. I need to tell him how I feel and why and come up with a solution. Thank you for the 2x4, even if it wasn't, it was something that made me upset and I had to analyze why.
I understand that sometimes you have to let things go to heal. If I forgot to pack him lunch or make dinner, sure I'll let it go, but he needs to feel safe with me again and be able to trust me. If I let things go that will interfere with helping him feel safe, then I feel like letting go is rug sweeping and won't help the relationship.
It is very difficult to be I that position, so logically, I tried to find the fastest way to prove to him I was innocent. Made me realize I shouldn't live a life to prove that I am innocent, but to help him trust me through communication and transparency with one another.
Thank you. I continue to give him time and I to work on being more patient. We are in house separated, and both working on ourselves.
I took what you had to say and told BBF my logic behind my thinking and after reading the other posts, I knew that was not the proper way to handle things. I told him that I should have talked to him and told him we could research together why it was deleted. He agreed and was happy that I had gone to SI.
You are absolutely right. I need to ditch the win mentality. A relationship has no place for competitions. But instead think what can I do to help make BBF feel safe without crossing boundaries.
We talked about the key logger and he does not want because he says he does not want to play detective.
BBF - MercilesslyNuked, 29
DDay 1 - 1/6/14
DDay 2 - 1/23/14
I Am Strong! I Am Beautiful! I Am Smart! I Am Worthy!