"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:13 PM, May 30th (Friday)]
But, take a test...
Digging our way through.
If the marriage is over, it's over. You don't *have* to stay.
My question is, if he's so horrible, what are your reasons for staying? Can you do your part to help him heal? Can you work thru your hate and resentment? If you do and he doesn't change, then what? If he can't work thru his stuff, can you handle that?
[This message edited by Aubrie at 2:48 PM, May 30th (Friday)]
It sounds like we differ, however, in that you still seem resentful and almost as if you have already given up on him. I'm on my phone so it's not easy for me to look back to your old posts, but the tone of this one just sort of feels like you already have one foot out the door and aren't really all that interested in staying but are doing so out of guilt/obligation.
I don't have much to say about the poly besides, I agree with Aubrie, but if you aren't into reconciling, ITS OK. You can still be remorseful for your actions, but leave the marriage because it isn't right for you. If you strip away all the resentment, can you picture yourself in a satisfying relationship with him??
I wish I wasn't on my phone I feel like I am all over the place.
I really think staying out of obligation does damage in the long term. Wouldn't your husband deserve to find someone who *wants* to be married to him? Don't you deserve the same?
I understand staying because you feel like you owe it to them. When I began R with my XH I immediately saw a lot of the same unhealthy patterns that used to be there. I had a lot of people remind me that just because I was the cheater, I didn't have to reconcile if it wasn't the right choice for me to make. In my case, in the 2 years we were separated, I had made what I felt was significant personal growth and strides toward emotional health. I didn't see the same from him. He may not have had an A but he had a lot of issues to clean up nonetheless.
I listened to those who reminded me that it wasn't my obligation to stay. I thought about it carefully and I finally now feel that I'm with him because I want to be more than because I have a debt to repay (in that he still wants ME).
Married 2.5 years
We remarried in 2014 on our would-have-been 7th anniversary