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To commit to reconcile or not, that is the question two

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stunnedin12 posted 5/30/2014 17:26 PM

years to the day after wh blew our marriage apart.
Well, technically he blew it apart when he and chickie took that first stupid step, but 2 years ago today at 6:15 I sent him a text as he was getting off the plane in NYC from an overseas vacation with our older children. Low and behold, chickie pooh sent him a text too --- he answered hers first. But of course they were only friends.

Anyway, I digress. It has been 13 months since last known texting contact (also the date I told him I had the lawyers number in my phone and had been in contact with the lawyer). I see him trying. I gave myself the mental date of 2 years from original discovery to making a decision on staying or booting him to the curb. Ironically enough, he is coming home tonight from NYC again on the exact same flight ....

In some ways, I am closer to a decision of staying. In some ways, I'm still in limbo and look at him and wonder if I'll ever have any real emotional connection with him again or if I'll always look at him and wonder what he's lying about now. I wonder if I've made the decision to stay by default of not kicking him out a year ago when he stuck his head up his hiney one last time? sometimes I wonder if he and chickie just got really smart and are so far underground that they can't be found? (honestly, I don't think they are) I wonder if this 'eh' life is ok for now and I just have to make the mental commitment to reconcile. Will that make any difference? Maybe 'eh' is where I'm stuck? But then a blah life is boring.

It all just sucks. I'm done rambling.

LostSamurai posted 5/30/2014 17:38 PM

((HUGS)) The only way to decide that is based off his actions. Do they make you feel safe?

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