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Seriously F'd Up!

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Raven96 posted 5/31/2014 08:01 AM

So when I originally JFO in April last year, I thought he was screwing a coworker that he was a little too close to and bothered me for several years prior. It turned out that it wasn't, but I used the situation to tell him I no longer want him working nights and weekends with her. Last June he told me he changed the schedule up and was no longer working with her other than normal days. Unbeknownst to him I had taken the schedule off of his work email and was able to prove he was telling me a bold-face lie. In July he made the changes, but I know there has been a lot of switching going on and they have been working some nights and weekends together. "He can't help the switching."

So yesterday I get his June schedule again, and he has scheduled a number of nights and weekends with her. "Everyone is on vacation. There is nothing I could do."

Here is the F'd up part: It is going to take me a minimum of three years to get our finances in order. He keeps telling me "I'm not going to cheat again. We will get through this," yet he won't read any books I've asked him to, he won't sign a postnup, he lied through the couple of MC appts we had so I quit, and he doesn't go to IC because he knows he won't cheat again. And now this stupid schedule. I am at the end of my rope. So I tell him I'm done NOW. His response? "Give me the book to read and I will go to IC." He is an F-ing CHILD!!!!! He seriously pushes everything as far as he can before he will do anything. It's over, so I'm not giving him anything to read. I'm just mad that he doesn't SEE what an ass he is! I. Hate. Him.

So now I have to give up my beautiful daughter half-time because of HIS actions. That's the part that is absolutely killing me, and he knows it. He threatened that it won't be amicable, which of course it won't be...he's an F-ing spiteful jerk! Last night after I saw the schedule and went downstairs to get away from him he took Little Raven outside and played Dad Of The Year for all the neighbors to see. Didn't give two thoughts to her when he was in his A, but now...

Just venting. life!

jrc1963 posted 5/31/2014 08:49 AM


devasted30 posted 5/31/2014 09:04 AM

Why don't you call his bluff. Make him read the books and go to IC. Maybe your M won't benefit from it (and I sure wouldn't tell him that you won't change your mind, if you think that it really is over) but, ultimately, he might and the benefits might be that he grows up and won't be such a selfish jerk. Your daughter might also reaps the rewards by having a better Dad.
I'm not saying he will change, but who knows. Stranger things have happened and it does sound like he doesn't want to lose you. ((((raven96))))

Raven96 posted 5/31/2014 09:45 AM

Thanks, jrc and devastated. I should have mentioned that he told ME to set up IC for him, and he would go. Heaven forbid he do ANY work on this M.

I just hate how he says he will work on this one minute, and then he disregards my requests without a second thought the next minute. He could have called me and said, "Hey, Raven, I have a lot of people on vacation this month, so I am going to have to schedule myself on some nights and weekends with her. I'll do my best to limit it, but I just wanted to make sure you knew why." I am not unreasonable; I would have been appreciative of a heads-up. Probably not happy initially, but I'm getting good at stepping back and sorting through my feelings.

And I'm sorry for all the "F" words in my post. I was just so angry, and that is the best "vehement" word I have. Believe to or not, I never swore before DDay.

tushnurse posted 5/31/2014 10:49 AM


He doesn't get it he won't own it and you deserve much more. So does your daughter. Time to get strong for you. Tell him it's not your job to get him to fix what he broke because of his chappy choices and shitty boundaries.
Be done. 180 with clear concise times that he had to be responsible for your daughter.
Go see a lawyer and file.

Time for you daughter to have at least one parent that is strong and emotionally healthy.

Ostrich80 posted 5/31/2014 14:55 PM

((Raven)). I'm so frustrated for you. Dammit

Kajem posted 5/31/2014 15:57 PM

If he works nights and weekends how can he take care of a kid 50/50?

Just thinking out loud.

nowiknow23 posted 5/31/2014 16:08 PM


Raven96 posted 5/31/2014 21:26 PM

Thank you, tushnurse, Ostrich, Kajem and NIK.

Kajem, he has to work one night per week and every other Saturday. My request was to schedule her on a different night and the opposite Saturdays, but funny enough, the "switches" are to his night and Saturdays. Wow, typing that out I'm realizing how odd the Saturday switches are... Oh well. Anyway, he has 50% custody of his son, so getting our daughter half-time would be simple, but I would have first right of refusal on the night he works.

Which brings me to tushnurse. I did go see a lawyer, and basically I would be giving up my daughter 50%, which brings CS down and I'm only entitled to spousal support for three years. The L seemed to think it was in my favor that I quit my job to accommodate HIS son and not our daughter, since she wasn't born yet, but it's still a crapshoot, and basically in the long run he comes out way, way ahead of me.

I know I need to file. He isn't owning his sh--, but he knows he has the upper hand because of Little Raven. I went through Hell for 16 years with his son's mother, and now I'd be doing it for another 15 with him and whatever slunt (LOVE that word) he ends up with.

Three years should get us out of our financial hole, and that coincides with kindergarten, and three years out from there with his SS gets me to 2nd grade. I just have to remember to look at the big picture and get to indifferent with him until I can file. It's just hard when he acts like he did this morning.

Thanks again, you guys. You have no idea how much you mean to me!!!!!

Ostrich80 posted 6/1/2014 18:50 PM

Detaching while living together is doable if its the right circumstances, sometimes, its just damn near impossible. My ws leaves me alone and I leave him alone but sometimes things can flare up and I feel like I cant. If its a volatile sich and emotions run high, or.if you have a ws that's provoking shit, or continuing A while rubbing your nose in it, that's also near impossible. 3 years is a long time if its going to affect you more than it would struggling on your own immediately. I hope
you can find a way to do this that won't drive you crazy or attack your health. Good luck Raven. I.know you will find a way best for you and mini raven

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