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Aubrie posted 5/31/2014 09:22 AM

Dear Lurker,

Welcome to SI. The best club nobody ever wants to join.

Sit down and get comfy. I wanna tell you a story.

I was a cheater. Four affairs over the course of 8 1/2 years. The details are gross. Not really necessary. Had a "come to Jesus" moment and confessed to my husband. Immediately started seeking information. Scouring the Internet, searching for resources, trying to find answers. Four days after confession I found SI. A forum huh? Weird. So everyone sits around and talks? Doubly weird. But something pushed me to register. Admins pushed me thru, and my journey on SI begain.

Quite frankly, its humiliating to go back and read my old posts. I was so ignorant and naive. More wayward than I could have ever imagined. Right off the bat, I was called on my behavior. Boy, a bunch of people pushed a bunch of buttons. It was infuriating. They knew me better than I did. They could call the next play before I was even there. But I stuck around. I listened. I worked. And my life started to change.

After finding SI, I didn't look any further. SI was home. Its been home for me since November of 2011. Seen a lot of things happen here. A lot of people come and go. A lot of healing. One thing is constant. Safety. And its probably the #1 reason I'm still here. I am safe to open up my big mouth and say really weird stuff. I can work thru all the icky things in my mind and heart and not be judged. The administration has given the waywards a protected forum to do this. We are safe from anger, flaming, lashing, and hate from others. That's a huge gift.

Had a little time thing morning and was skulling the Internet. Found other forums. I saw waywards like you Dear Lurker. Wanting answers. Seeking advice. And I saw people shred you. There was no protection. Name calling, hatred, and trash was thrown your way. It hurt my heart. Because I know what it feels like to want help and answers. And I can't imagine what it feels like to ask a question and have someone body slam your questions into a concrete wall, then light a match and watch you burn. That doesn't happen here.

If and when you find the courage to post here, you will be called on your behavior, you will be called on your stinking thinking, but you will not be abused. There is a difference between the two. We are challenged here by others who have been there, done that. They can call the next play because they know the game. They know the ins and outs by heart. The comments you receive here are not designed to hurt or belittle you, but to shake you into reality. To wake you up. And hopefully make you stop and rethink the path you are on.

Its ok to be afraid. Its ok to be nervous. But do not let that fear immobilize your life. Move forward. Even if its tiny baby steps. Just keep moving.

Peace to all.

remorsefulww posted 5/31/2014 14:22 PM


Great post!

splitintwo posted 5/31/2014 14:38 PM

All of this, Aubrie. Thank you for articulating what I keep thinking.

During my 10-hours of drive time the other day, I kept mulling over a Dear SI post. It's been my life preserver, my safe place, my pseudo therapist (though IC is on my to-do list). I've come to so many realizations because I can "talk" here & have people challenge me, make me think & question, show me how to look at things from other points of view. I love it here. I'm so grateful to have SI. You all are awesome.

Allornothing posted 5/31/2014 15:01 PM


Much respect lady, you're a good egg!

JaneDeaux posted 5/31/2014 15:08 PM

Awesome post!

LosferWords posted 5/31/2014 15:41 PM

Great post, Aubrie!

I won't give you a hug, but how about a *fist bump*.

deena04 posted 5/31/2014 16:02 PM

Beautifully written; I am showing this to my hubby. Again, besutiful and thank you!

familyfirst posted 6/3/2014 09:53 AM

I love this post! I firmly believe lurking on this site changed my life for the better.

For all you wayward lurkers:
Since I was you just a few months ago, I know you are probably struggling to understand what your first move might be. What to write in your first post or what will happen if you become a member. Here's what I know

- Basic membership is free (talk about community service! Thank you SI!!)

- your story probably feels really unique, but there are THOUSANDS of members on here. It's amazing how every situation has 10-20 been there done thats. The advice you can get by posting your story is easily worth 5 therapy sessions

- You are now in the position to help others as a BTDT. You're probably already thinking of how you might post if you were responding to something you're reading. Try it! It will feel good.

- Your life can change depending on how you use the information you get here. Don't be afraid of the information! You can decide how to use it.

wheat posted 6/3/2014 10:10 AM

As a long-time lurker, I concur.

Great post, Aubrie.

finallyfree2011 posted 6/3/2014 10:16 AM

Excellent post - couldn't have said it better!

BrokenButTrying posted 6/3/2014 10:20 AM

Beautifully written Aubs!

I completely agree. I've not been here that long but this is my home and I'm so grateful for this site and the amazing friends I've made here. The support is invaluable.

Matilda23 posted 6/3/2014 10:25 AM

Thank you, I am a lurker trying to step out of the shadow and into the light. I will not let fear take over me, as it has all my life.

Jrazz posted 6/3/2014 10:27 AM


itainteasy posted 6/3/2014 11:44 AM

wishicouldredo posted 6/4/2014 08:28 AM

Long time lurker here as well. SI has been a huge help even without posting. Thank you for your post.

Aubrie posted 6/4/2014 08:52 AM

Welcome to SI wishicouldredo!

Good to "see" you wheat.

Sparkle0504 posted 6/8/2014 06:57 AM


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