"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Chrysalis123 posted 5/31/2014 10:17 AM

OK friends, need help here.

My lawyer and I have been trying to get FT to agree to sell the house since March. He and his lawyer refused to respond.

4 days ago, FT decides it is time to sell the house. We have not discussed price, we have no procedures outlined, he won't agree to use a realtor, and he is demanding I have the house show ready right now all while insulting and bullying me by email.

And

He is accusing me of being difficult.....

I know I need protection from him screwing me over. And I am going to contact my lawyer. I just wanted to pick your brains first.

It would be a financially good move to sell by owner if it is possible. How should something like that be structured?

Thanks?

PS I already told him I need a few weeks to get the house ready, and that if he treats me disrespectfully again he can hire a mediator or take me to court.

gonnabe2016 posted 5/31/2014 11:03 AM

Although it'll cost you more, I would be inclined to run all of the 'house sale' talk through the L's because your ex is such an awful person to deal with.

The house to be sold is the one that you're living in right now? How did you guys previously handle buying/selling homes -- FSBO or through a realtor?
Are you 'comfortable' doing FSBO?
Not sure what you mean by 'how it should be structured'?

Why would you need to go back to court? Is the house sale addressed in your D decree?

monarchwings posted 5/31/2014 11:03 AM

While No is a complete sentence, I would deflect with task lists: him research all the steps and costs in the process. How much for the title company, the closing attorney, marketing costs, a preminary inspection to identify any problems, the decluttering, scheduling a housecleaner, a carpet cleaner,a yard crew to freshen the yard. He is trying to push all these tasks on you and the task lists will help divy up the work.

You are the one who will be inconvenienced by the showings. You should not have to do all the prep work in addition to that.

Must Survive posted 5/31/2014 11:07 AM

Chrysalis123,

Some things to consider. If you use an agent, then the agent is the one that will have to deal with FT for ALL the paperwork, inspections etc. Do you want to deal with FT on those issues. Buyer will do inspections. You need to be prepared for FT to want to be at the inspections (because NPD). If you told him no, he would mantrum. If agent tells him no, its not done that way. it might be easier.

Also, unless you are in a very hot market, whatever normal commissions are in that area, buyer will expect to see that much of a discount off the price.

You will also need to confirm buyer is legit, and can perform. When in escrow, need to make sure the deal moves forward. Lots of buyers on By Owner's waste a lot of sellers time and never buy home.

Just some things to think about.

Chrysalis123 posted 5/31/2014 11:25 AM

Yes, I was awarded exclusive use of the home with him paying the mortgage and all utilities until this past March when we he took me to court to modify CS, SS, and PT. Plus he wanted to financially ruin me and was asking for $80K in back CS. He lost.

However, I agreed to pay half of all the housing costs since March. We are court ordered to sell when youngest DD graduates from HS which happened last week. I was trying to get the ball rolling since March...but we are talking FT here....sigh

He refuses to put any money into the house. He wants me to pay for it all. In fact FT is demanding an "as is" sale against the advice of 3 realtors.

He is furious I was a poor SAHM and in his mind I robbed him. he is not rational and is willing to make me "loose" for him to "win". In reality he is hurting his own kids' inheritance by insisting on the "as is" sale.

My realtor, that my lawyer recommended, told me yesterday after speaking with FT, to just get out and sell as is. Lawyer and realtor understand what I am up against.

I am not comfortable FSBO...but with a lawyer maybe.

By structured I mean: Having a written agreement on listing price, knowing the names of the buyers he wants to bring through, having a lawyer go over the papers and anything else I need. Everything needs to be spelled out in case I need to take FT to court.

As for court, he is currently waiting his advisement for punitive contempt for not providing dental and vision insurance. FT put in writing he wasn't going to get insurance because it was too expensive. That made my lawyer laugh....I don't think my lawyer really understood FT believes court orders and laws don't apply to him until he saw that email.

Anywho...FT is mad as a swarm of hornets cause bad old me is "being difficult again"..

As for court that came up because...

Since KING FT decided to sell the house 4 days ago, his emails too me have been over the top rude, contemptuous, and bully-like. I told him I would refuse to participate without a mediator if he choose to behave like that again, at his expense. And, if he wanted to he could take me back to court to force me to participate. I know the court would require mediation...

Chrysalis123 posted 5/31/2014 11:27 AM

Thanks Must Survive...I want to use a realtor. FT is refusing because he has "buyers". He has been telling my lawyer about these "buyers" since March.

I wonder if I can refuse to sell FSBO? There is nothing in the Separation agreement or stipulation addressing this.

gonnabe2016 posted 5/31/2014 11:44 AM

Oh God. *Mystery* people who are 'buyers'.

Tell your ex (or have him told) that you require all of the information on these 'buyers' of his. Names, credit-worthiness, what FT has 'agreed' to as far as pricing, etc....

I would assume that you could refuse to FSBO so long as you have sound reasoning for your refusal. FT's viewpoint doesn't carry any more weight than yours.

You aren't being difficult....you are doing what a 'normal' person does when s/he is getting ready to sell a home.

woundedby2 posted 5/31/2014 13:54 PM

because he has "buyers".

Oh, hell no. I smell a dirty rat.

He is up to some sort of no-good here which will leave you with the short end of the stick.

IF you were to consider selling the house "by owner" to his buyer, you need to have several professional appraisals to ensure that he is not screwing you by bringing in a buddy who is going to pay a low-ball price and then resell the house and give a kick-back to the NPD. Or some other crazy scheme where he "gets even" with you.

You need a legal opinion and probably an agreement drawn up outlining all of the details and expenses of a home sale.

GabyBaby posted 5/31/2014 13:58 PM

Just as he's refusing to use an agent, YOU can refuse to do FSBO.
If he wants the house sold, he'll have to work with you eventually.

Personally, I'd rather use an agent to deal with his arseholiness than take it on myself.

Kajem posted 5/31/2014 14:17 PM

Selling FSBO is difficult on a happy couple working together to get it done. You're dealing with Npd FT!

I would refuse his FSBO and go with a real estate agent.

If he insists on you doing all the work - you get the real estate commission! He's going to do nothing but make your life miserable. If he takes you to court, well the judge has already seen him in court.

Good luck

K

absolut posted 5/31/2014 14:45 PM

He is furious I was a poor SAHM and in his mind I robbed him.

This is sooooooo NPD.

Don't talk with him at all. Use an attorney. Sell that home through an agent.

PS I already told him I need a few weeks to get the house ready, and that if he treats me disrespectfully again he can hire a mediator or take me to court.

I can see you have good intentions but personally I would not use "if" sentences with spelled out consequences when dealing with a NPD. You are just giving them ammo to twist your words. (And you already know he will be disrespectful regardless of what boundaries you spell out so there is really no way this message can work in your favor.)

He already knows his demand to have the house show ready is totally nuts. Either ignore it or forward it to your atty. Both.

There is no way NO FREAKING WAY you should go in on any joint venture with him let alone selling the house you are residing in. I would bet all the $$$ I could borrow he will use this to torture the living daylights out of you and make your life a living hell. I really think "NPD" is just a way of saying "functional sociopath."

And this whole "buyers lined up?" Oh HELL TO THE NAW. Look he is pissed that he has had to pay child support and now he is trying to fuck you over to get even. First of all, NPD's talk so much shit that does not make sense. Why does he need to have "buyers?" How many people does it take to buy a house? Wouldn't he just say he has an interested party and state the price this person is willing to pay? Sounds like a straight up lie.

I think he is either
1. getting ready to have a friend of his, possibly even a new gf or his ow or someone stupid enough to believe his dumb lies about his evil wife "screwing him in the divorce" buy that house for $1 and then sign it over to him

2. let that house sit on the market for the next 10 years while he eats up your every single weekend with showings.

Maybe 2 and then 1.

This guy just sued you for child support money that he has no claim to. Do you want to risk seeing if he can stoop lower?

Everything you said is dead on in terms of when and how the house should sell. Contact an atty and make sure this is done on your terms.

phmh posted 5/31/2014 19:27 PM

If he truly is NPD, and it sounds like he is, you cannot do FSBO. Make a realtor deal with him. The money spent will be more than worth it, and you'll probably come out better financially since I'm guessing NPD is trying to figure out a way to screw you with his mystery buyers.

peridot posted 5/31/2014 20:14 PM

Take yourself out of the equation. Get a realtor and do everything through the realtor and your attorney. Ignore all his stupid threats and bullying. He has something going on, he probably benefits from and you are going to get screwed. The thing I've learned about NPD people is they don't just all the sudden want to do something they have been putting off without it benefiting them.

Chrysalis123 posted 5/31/2014 21:21 PM

Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!

You have helped me clarify my thinking.

I am triggering from this. The old Chrys....the people pleasing lady that feels "afraid" to go against him, because really what is so wrong with selling FSBO??? I am being too difficult, he wouldn't try to screw me....I am such a bitch....

She is surfacing...after 6 years divorced. Sheesh!

But after reading your clear headed replies....I smell a stinking dirty rat too.

You are right Peridot...no self respecting Npd FT that has been putting something off suddenly changes course unless it benefits him and screws me. he and crazy GF are in their lair plotting to get me.

OK..repeat after me...You are going to get screwed...you are going to get screwed.....all the way to my lawyers office.

nekorb posted 6/1/2014 01:25 AM

He is furious I was a poor SAHM and in his mind I robbed him.

This is sooooooo NPD.

T/j: is it really? Because I heard some version of this tonight and reminded him that we made the decision together for me to stay home with our kids. Now suddenly he doesn't think I do anything and that I'm not really taking care of the kids because they are older.

End t/j

Chrysalis - I agree with the thought that if you go with a realtor, they are the ones that have to deal with FT, not you. That seems like a much better scenario.

neverbeokay posted 6/1/2014 07:30 AM

Other than inhouse separation, selling the house was the most stressful part of the divorce. All the communication about details - there were some repairs that the buyer asked for after the inspection - was handled by the agent. If I had had to talk to ex about it we never would have agreed. I will never forget how my ex hounded me on the days leading up to the closing to get me to give him more of the proceeds from the sale. I was so glad to have the real estate agent at the closing for support. They definitely earned their fee and it was money well spent.

Helen of Troy posted 6/1/2014 07:39 AM

Hey don't answer here but ask yourself these questions, no matter which way you decide to go.

1. How much equity is in the house? in other words how much wiggle room do you have, what is your $ requirement when it's all signed and sold?

2. Is there any chance he will buy you out so that you don't need FSBO or a realtor? If this is the case it is very important to get a trustworthy professional appraisal, and verify how much is left to pay on current mortgage. (again to find out fair equity, etc)

I'm very curious to know how it turns out being in a similar situation. Is it ok if I pm you about this?

Chrysalis123 posted 6/1/2014 08:40 AM

Yes Helen PM's are fine.

There is A LOT of equity.

He cannot afford to buy me out unless someone helps him.

And I know the financials of him and the house due to the recent sworn financial statements. He is broke according to his Sworn Financial Statement (But he lies) , he is in trouble with IRS which is the truth.

Just a little longer and I will be financially untied from this nasty-gram of a person. All that will be left will be 2 years of garnished CS.

Kajem posted 6/1/2014 09:47 AM

Chrysalis,

I learned a new phrase regarding NPD, your situation and nekorbs came to mind.

The Seagull Complex: you fly in squawking, sh!T on everyone, and fly out again fast.

Leaving everyone to clean up your mess.

Sounds like NPD to me!

Hugs,
K

sparkysable posted 6/1/2014 13:01 PM

Selling FSBO is difficult on a happy couple working together to get it done. You're dealing with Npd FT!

I was going to say the exact same thing. It's extremely difficult to do FSBO in a normal relationship, let alone with a NPD who is looking to pull some sort of scam and screw you anyway he can. No way in hell would I agree to this. What a nightmare. Do not give him any power in this situation, it will not turn out well, I promise you.