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inconnu (original poster member #24518) posted at 4:19 PM on Saturday, May 31st, 2014
I know for a lot of you still going through the process it's really hard to imagine feeling like you've won. But heading on 6 years out from d-day #1, and over 4 years divorced, let me just tell you why I'm the winner.
I've rebuilt my life. Yes, with a lot of help, support, and love from my family, friends, and all y'all. But I did it. My old life imploded, and from the wreckage I created a new, better life. One that focuses on me. One that is authentic. One that suits me much better than the old one, as it turns out.
Even now, it is/I am a work in progress. But that's what life is. A moving, fluid thing that we all go through. There is potential, and possibilities, and choices and chances to take. The kind of life we have is up to us. I choose to make my life as positive and happy as I can. I choose to be authentic, and feel the emotions I feel, and deal with them. I am grateful that I got a chance at a "do-over" when I am at an age when I can fully appreciate how wonderful life is supposed to be.
I had the strength to make it through the shitstorm, and I came out of it a happier, better person. No question about it - I win!
There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown
SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 4:27 PM on Saturday, May 31st, 2014
Great positive post, inconnu. Very true, too.
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
IrishLass518 ( member #34373) posted at 4:42 PM on Saturday, May 31st, 2014
I love this inconnu. I too feel that I have won over all. I understand that it really isn't a competition. I truly hope that xWH is happy. I feel like I won over circumstances that I could have let drown me. I have made me better and that is a pretty good win.
Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"
Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 4:52 PM on Saturday, May 31st, 2014
WXH doesn't occupy my thoughts often now, but when he crosses my mind- I hope he dies a slow, painful, and lonely death.
I am thriving and happy. I truly feel like I came through the mess of infidelity with a better life than I ever could have had with him. Life is so much better now.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
tesla ( member #34697) posted at 5:20 PM on Saturday, May 31st, 2014
Great post inconnu!
I feel like in a couple more years, all this hard work I'm putting into my new life is going to start paying dividends. In a way, I've been given the gift of a 'do-over.' Life with ex-shat would have been, well, shit. But having a chance to live an authentic life where I just get to be me...that's pretty awesome.
"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear
dmari ( member #37215) posted at 8:02 PM on Saturday, May 31st, 2014
I think I love you!
Thank you so much for posting today! I needed this.
wonderingbull ( member #14833) posted at 8:27 PM on Saturday, May 31st, 2014
Well lived and well said...
WB
The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...
James Taylor
cayc ( member #21964) posted at 8:41 PM on Saturday, May 31st, 2014
Cool, I've only got 4 more years to go lol!
Thank you for posting. It does help to hear that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
AlwaysBeenStrong ( member #39888) posted at 2:23 AM on Sunday, June 1st, 2014
I so needed to hear this after a hellish day here! Thank you!!!!!
BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42
Linus1968 ( member #31243) posted at 2:27 AM on Sunday, June 1st, 2014
Thank you inconnu! You are an inspiration to me.
You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact
Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 17, D:15
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."
idontknowwhy5 ( member #42648) posted at 3:04 AM on Sunday, June 1st, 2014
It's good to read this, I've been having trouble imagining anybody winning.
DDays- too many
Status - In D.
LeftOutintheCold ( member #42856) posted at 5:08 AM on Sunday, June 1st, 2014
Congratulations!!! I truly appreciate your post - it gives me hope that I'm going to make it to that point too one day.
Me - 43
WH - 41
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Divorce from the ass is in progress!
You can see more of my story on my blog here: http://thatcraftylunchlady.com/?p=833
"Never give up hope and let time heal you"
Lackingcourage ( member #39394) posted at 2:46 AM on Monday, June 2nd, 2014
Thanks for those words, inconnu. I often tell people I'll be fine on the other side (of this D) but I am not sure I always believe it. I have certainly learned who my real friends are through this process, and have learned that I am blessed in many ways. But then I get teary eyed about what I've lost and the things that I am not really capable of doing on my own, at least at this point, that I used to do with STBXH. So much loss, and although I know intuitively that all will be well, it is good to hear that from someone who has been there.
BW 51
WS 51
DD -- which time?
Married 24 yrs, 2 kids 20 and 23
Reconciling maybe?-- Nope, false alarm. He continued to lie, I asked him to leave. Plan on divorce. Divorce final 11/17/14
brokeninfl ( member #21896) posted at 3:38 AM on Monday, June 2nd, 2014
Awesome post. I'm on about the same timeline, and I definitely feel the same way. I've won a new life I can be proud of - one I control.
"On the other side of fear lies freedom"
Me - 39 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08
Divorced.
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 4:08 AM on Monday, June 2nd, 2014
Love it. Thanks, inconnu.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
coldshot ( member #40882) posted at 7:02 PM on Monday, June 2nd, 2014
Fantastic post...I'm right there with you. I don't post a lot but I sure do read a lot. I'm very thankful for everyone on here.
"The liar's punishment is, not in the least that she is not believed, but that she cannot believe anyone else." -- George B. Shaw
inconnu (original poster member #24518) posted at 10:17 PM on Sunday, June 8th, 2014
not to shamelessly bump up my own post or anything...
I had a conversation with a friend today who is the mom of a friend of my sons. She has no problems asking my kids what's going on or how they feel, and since ds22 is at her house a lot, she's apparently heard a lot about ex & wifetress. Way more than I have, because I deliberately try to avoid asking my kids about what goes on at their other parent's house.
So um, I knew ex had gotten all kinds of stupid, what with the cheating on me and then leaving me for OW, but damn, hearing stuff my son has told my friend about wifetress...
yep, they really do affair down. Like, he had filet mignon and now he has roadkill affair down.
Not that I needed any proof that I came out the winner in all this, but... yeah, I may be gloating a bit over here, after all.
There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown
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