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In the land of unicorns, what was required?

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Lovedyoumore posted 5/31/2014 10:43 AM

In the land of unicorns and gushy love, what did the WH require or expect of the OW? Did she....

Wash your skid, cum stained underwear?
Toothbrush your yellow shirt collars?
Cook you a nice dinner every night adhering to your latest dietary phase?
Feed, bathe, and put your children to bed so you could have your quiet time?
Raise your children to be kind, moral people?
Adhere to a strict budget?
Get a part time job so she could give the kids extra money in college so the mentioned budget would not be altered?
Put up with your judgemental NPD father or your passive agressive mother?
Do all holiday and birthday shopping for everyone?
Keep a nice, clean house?
Change your bed linens often so you could have a nice fresh bed?
Give up her career aspirations so you move around could build yours?
Keep her car clean?
Allow you all of the personal down time you needed to recharge due to our stressful career?
Be ready for hot sex any time, any where?

The magical couple, the soul mates, really had real life going on. By what real life standards did the OW become the complete package? Hot sex? Is that it? That sets the bar really high doesn't it?

hopefull77 posted 5/31/2014 11:10 AM

All she had to do was be ready willing and able...always looking her best...since one has to plan these things she got to be PERFECT!!!
Until the day he threw her under the bus...

Dreamboat posted 5/31/2014 11:43 AM

Unicorns' main source of food is ego kibbles, lots and lots of ego kibbles. That is really all that is required to sustain a rainbow farting unicorn.

stunnedin12 posted 5/31/2014 14:25 PM

Well, she was always perfectly made up.
Never a hair out of place.
Always a great conversationalist about tv shows.
Really good at mindless drivel (also known as constant ego stroking)
Always at some fun location - Heaven forbid laundry might interrupt a tv show

yea - lots of reality.

StillGoing posted 5/31/2014 15:37 PM

justinpaintoday posted 5/31/2014 15:38 PM

My vote is to make hamburger out of unicorn meat and sit aatching them self destruct in their selfish world.

SisterMilkshake posted 5/31/2014 15:42 PM

SG ^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^

But,gggrrrr! I had a list of 25 items that were a requirement and I still didn't know if I had more when lightening struck, thunder roared, lost power and my Apple shut down.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 3:43 PM, May 31st (Saturday)]

NoMorDeceit posted 5/31/2014 16:50 PM

Ummm she had to answer the phone or email when he called or sent one that said : "Want to get together?"

That was it.

Nothing else was required.

hopefull77 posted 5/31/2014 17:10 PM

You'll think of them sister and I'll be waiting!!

SisterMilkshake posted 5/31/2014 17:30 PM

Job Requirements Needed To Be OW In A FWB's Relationshit In Unicorn Shitting Skittle Rainbows Fantasyland:

1. Must be a cumdumpster.

2. Must be a liar.

3. Must be selfish. (but, you must hide that from your MM)

4. Must be sneaky.

5. Must have low self esteem.

6. Must settle for crumbs.

7. Must be available to fuck at any time MM calls.

8. Must be willing to pay most of the hotel bills.

9. Must be ready with legs spread for MM at said hotel. No time for anything else. (don't forget to pay!)

10. Must be willing to receive no gifts.

11. Must be willing to not go on dates.

12. Must be willing to only contact M-F, 9-5.

13. Must be willing to accept that their will be no holiday's or "special" days (i.e. birthdays, etc.) recognized or spent together.

14. Must be willing to fuck your MM 3 weeks before your wedding and to fuck again 3 weeks after your wedding.

15. Must be willing to hear over and over again that MM will not be leaving his wife.

16. Must be willing to feed the MM constant ego kibbles.

17. Must be willing to not ever hear MM say "I love you".

18. Must be interested in everything the MM is interested in. (even if you are bored to tears and have no interest in it)

19. Must be willing to listen as MM endlessly talks and brags about himself. (okay, you just have to pretend to be listening intently and admiringly)

20. Must be willing to not be listened to.(but, MM will pretend to listen, he is just waiting for his turn, again, to brag about himself, his favorite subject)

21. Must be willing to blow sunshine up his ass. (and blow other things as well )

22. Must be willing to be a dirty secret that he is too ashamed to be seen with.

23. Must have no integrity.

24. Must have no morals.

25. Must need external validation desperately.

26. Must be willing to degrade yourself.

27. Must be broken.

28. Must be willing to have sex quickly and cheaply in cars, in public parks and other inappropriate places.

29. Must be willing to not be a member of the "sisterhood".

30. Must be willing to adore MM.

31. Must be validating MM constantly.

32. Must not let reality ever enter fantasyland.

33. Must always be happy and cheerful. (at least pretend)

34. Must be able to orgasm just by looking at MM. (just keepin' that ego stroked)

35. Must be able to pretend that a wife and children Do. Not. Exist. and that you aren't the one who is helping destroy children's families.

36. Must...............hey, I think I ran out of requirements, although I am sure others can think of some I missed.


36. Must be willing to not receive any cards, notes or letters saying how much MM cares about or loves you.

37. Must be willing to not spend any large amount of time with MM. (except one 3 day weekend where MM will be sick the entire time, but still gallantly manages to fuck you )

38. Must be willing to accept that MM doesn't want to spend any large amount of time with you (especially after spending 3 days with you, realizing how much he doesn't really like you that much) but will spend enough time with you to just use you as his cumdumpster.

39. Must be willing to slither back under the rock your cooze oozed out from under when the MM dumps you and not become a cray cray bunny boiler. (*sigh* OW didn't meet this requirement)

40. Must not ever criticize MM.

41. Must not ever complain about the relationshit.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 8:37 PM, May 31st (Saturday)]

Lovedyoumore posted 6/1/2014 08:57 AM

Sister, #39 and #41. You've outdone yourself.

The sad fact, none of real life really mattered when they hit the skittle life.

SisterMilkshake posted 6/1/2014 09:01 AM

none of real life really mattered when they hit the skittle life.
True dat! (((lovedyoumore)))

betrayedpregnant posted 6/1/2014 15:10 PM

thanks everyone and you sister for making me smile in these hard times.

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