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shutting off thoughts

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shygirl07 posted 6/1/2014 17:27 PM

I still think of him sometimes. Even though he was so rotten , evil, hurtful and threw us away after so many years for a gold digging piece of trash who was eager to get pregnant as soon as they got together.. I wonder if hes happy ( i heard hes not) I wonder if hes changed ( i hear he still goes out alot) I wonder if he thinks of me.. most importanly I Wonder if I will ever feel the same love I felt for him for someone else? I have been with soemoen for 6 months who is so good to me but I feel I have a wall up ..

We were together for 7 years.. I met him whenI was still in my teens and we dated until my mid twenties.. we did so much stuff together and I was there for him through so much and times i feel im 100% done with this, I think of him. I dont want him but I think of him and I cant erase him from my memory. I get sad at what he did to me still. He left me for her and was so mean . He left us after 7 years and got with her at the same time we were still together. And told me he was happy and found the love of his life once again . It was so manic and sudden.. its hard to force someone out of your mind.. He was a jerk b ut we had a special bond and did so much fun stuff together when he wasnt a jerk.

Why wasnt I good enough? Im educated, live in a great city, have a lot of friends and think I have a good personality.. im not perfect.. but he was a drug addict so his mind has never been healthy.. just venting here im ok just random thoughts i cant share with friends whou think im so strong and beyond this.. maybe I am its just crazy one person is your whole world and then the next they collapse and flip your world around. .. I want true love with someone one day.....

Pass posted 6/1/2014 18:14 PM

Why wasnt I good enough?

You were. The problem is that HE wasn't good enough.

He is a lying, cheating piece of shit who couldn't appreciate the slice of awesome that he'd been handed. That is why he cheated. I swear it had absolutely nothing to do with you.

Allornothing posted 6/1/2014 19:23 PM

I couldn't agree with Pass more.

HE wasn't good enough, and unless he pulls his head out of his arse and fixes himself, he never will be.

You're the winner here, sister; you have your dignity, integrity and a new partner who treats you with the respect you deserve.

Please don't waste any more of your life thinking about that guy. Sure, the fun times were nice, but the shitstorm he dragged you into certainly wasn't.

Schadenfreude posted 6/1/2014 21:08 PM

You don't need to fix a horribly broken man. You don't need Mr Badboy anymore. Why are you better off with him than without him? Ask yourself that question, or do a list of pros and cons.

Staying with him will do nothing but create years of hurts. OW, drugs, possible child support payments, and the hits just keep on coming.

SBB posted 6/1/2014 21:10 PM

but he was a drug addict so his mind has never been healthy..

I would examine how/why you ever thought this was OK or that a relationship with an active drug addict was ever happy or healthy. This is the key to your future happiness - not what he is or isn't doing or feeling right now.

The sad clown is a functioning alcoholic. My father was a drug addict so I vetoed any/all drug use. Now that I'm not around he can openly explore that addiction. The alcoholism should have been a dealbreaker for me but I told myself the same lies all enablers tell themselves - he was a functioning addict so it wasn't a problem. But it was.

When was your DD? How long were you S before your new relationship? Are you in IC? What are you doing for your healing?

You would have read in here that broken attracts broken. Having someone in your life so soon doesn't fix the broken, it usually makes it worse.

shygirl07 posted 6/3/2014 15:24 PM

SBB , my d day was august 26 2012 , I found out he was with her September 23 2012 . I went to IC for about 6 months it helped me a lot I did it through my graduate program I need to do more . The guy I am with now , we met January if this year and have been together ever since . He treats me good but he is needy and sometimes I wonder if I let him influence me into being together as I was not ready for a boyfriend and I feel he wanted a girlfriend for his owns issues . I was single a year and six months before we made it official I guess that isn't very long . I have no closure with the ex but I never want to speak to him again the day I found out what he did I told him I am never speaking to you again . I guess I need to do more towards my healing I thought I was ok but I still am going through the processing part of it all. I have a lot of good enriching things in my life but I think I need to be 100-% healed before moving forward ....

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