The day of the divorce proceedings, I changed the lock on the front door and also on the front gate. I received several phone calls from the Rat which I did not answer, followed by an angry e-mail demanding to know why I had changed the lock on the gate because 'he needed to take care of his garden and the dog.'
On the advice of my lawyer, I changed the gate lock back for a week until he advised me that the divorce had gone through and that he no longer had the legal right to enter the property. Then, I changed it back again to the new lock.
Last week, he showed up at the house, demanding to know why I had changed the lock back and asking who was going to take care of his garden and his dog. I replied that I was taking care of both, that we had agreed that the dog was now mine, and that this was no longer his property. Other than that, I barely said a word and when he asked if I were going to allow him to enter, I said no and he left angrily.
Yesterday when I got home from church, I had a note in my mailbox. It said, "Please get someone to trim the tree in the front yard, it is fallen over from the storm and needs trimming."
*?#@*?)? Why does he keep pestering me about the stupid front yard? It's not his yard to care for anymore, he knows this, and he relinquished the legal rights to it. So far, I have not responded, although I am really, really tempted to send him a message saying that if he continues to harrass me I will tell his entire family exactly what he has done (see my profile for the horror that the Rat has perpetrated and the miracle that he is not in jail) in detail, starting with his son.
I will try to find someone to trim the stupid tree, but I have other things to do, ya know?
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
This likely qualifies as some sort of harassment or stalking.
Leaving notes, having your home under some sort of surveillance, all very bad. The way he is so bold as to demand you maintain your home in the way he wants is a BAD sign.
Do not ever again speak to him personally always have an officer or attorney do it. Don't take this lightly.
[This message edited by No12turn2 at 10:15 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
That being said, I'm in a rotten mood today so maybe you shouldn't listen to me.
[This message edited by justabrokendream at 10:36 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]
You no longer own a dog, house, or tree. If you continue to harass my client, who is NOT your wife, you will be hearing from the police.
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
I hope to heaven I have some kind of legal option other than "ignore." I did ask about a restraining order a month ago, but the lawyer told me it can only be used if my life is threatened; so far, the only "threatening" has been to my front yard.
Call the police non emergency line.
There are stalking and harassment laws currently where you do not need a death threat, just some course of action where a reasonable person would be frightened.
Don't know about your state but find out. The police will know more than your atty.
The other side is...it could just be that he doesn't "get it" yet. We have all seen threads about how shocked the WH is when we do file for divorce, or even if they do, they don't think anything should change. Yes, they want the divorce, but they think they should still be able to come and go, take what they want, do what they want, etc. They just think that they should be able to have a new person on their arm, without the rest of their lives changing.
I know with my own XH, that once our legal separation was done, I had to pointedly tell him a few times, "That is no longer your concern." He gave his "opinion" on what I should do with the basement one day. "that is no longer your concern." was my answer. You should have seen the shock on his face. We both work at a charity event every year...I get a room from the organizers for the weekend. He asked me a couple of weeks before where were WE staying. I just looked at him and told him I am staying at xxx hotel. I have no idea where you are staying. Again, it never crossed his mind that he wouldn't be sharing my free room.
So yes. Telling your lawyer lays the trail in case this is more than just stupidity on his part. If he escalates, you will be glad to have it on record...but IF you end up talking to him at some point, just telling him point blank the tree, garden, dog or whatever is no longer his concern, might just be what he needs to hear. He's just thinking about all the work he put into that garden or whatever over the years, and thinking it's still his. Sometimes, they just need to be hit over the head with a brick to get it.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.