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Ok, so I'm divorced and have been for nearly a month now. Since that time, I've barely heard a peep from the Rat except for this...

The day of the divorce proceedings, I changed the lock on the front door and also on the front gate. I received several phone calls from the Rat which I did not answer, followed by an angry e-mail demanding to know why I had changed the lock on the gate because 'he needed to take care of his garden and the dog.'

On the advice of my lawyer, I changed the gate lock back for a week until he advised me that the divorce had gone through and that he no longer had the legal right to enter the property. Then, I changed it back again to the new lock.

Last week, he showed up at the house, demanding to know why I had changed the lock back and asking who was going to take care of his garden and his dog. I replied that I was taking care of both, that we had agreed that the dog was now mine, and that this was no longer his property. Other than that, I barely said a word and when he asked if I were going to allow him to enter, I said no and he left angrily.

Yesterday when I got home from church, I had a note in my mailbox. It said, "Please get someone to trim the tree in the front yard, it is fallen over from the storm and needs trimming."

*?#@*?)? Why does he keep pestering me about the stupid front yard? It's not his yard to care for anymore, he knows this, and he relinquished the legal rights to it. So far, I have not responded, although I am really, really tempted to send him a message saying that if he continues to harrass me I will tell his entire family exactly what he has done (see my profile for the horror that the Rat has perpetrated and the miracle that he is not in jail) in detail, starting with his son.

I will try to find someone to trim the stupid tree, but I have other things to do, ya know?

Have your attorney write him a cease and desist letter. Don't contact him yourself. However, be aware of your surroundings at all times. It doesn't sound like he's going to go away quietly. He sounds obsessive and could become dangerous.

Hmm, I may be seeing him today (the lawyer I mean), so I'll ask if that's possible (I do not live in the US).

I haven't read your profile but see your attorney and call the police non emergency line.

This likely qualifies as some sort of harassment or stalking.

Leaving notes, having your home under some sort of surveillance, all very bad. The way he is so bold as to demand you maintain your home in the way he wants is a BAD sign.

Do not ever again speak to him personally always have an officer or attorney do it. Don't take this lightly.

I think this might be an excuse to hang around. Not sure what the motive is, but I do know that you have to stop that bs. Not his yard, not his dog, no longer his concern. If he wanted to keep these symbolic icons of his once happy life, he would have done the right thing in the first place. Sucks being him. He will soon realize the BIGGEST symbolic icon he gave up and you have to be strong when he does. Don't let him back in!

[This message edited by No12turn2 at 10:15 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]

Definitely do what the others have said re: lawyer and police... But I'd be tempted to respond dear FT Rat, tree being cut down, garden being rocked over, dog has new family. Fuck off and leave me the hell alone, we're divorced asshole.

That being said, I'm in a rotten mood today so maybe you shouldn't listen to me.

If it's a bad looking tree - cut it down - that'll show him.

sorry double post

[This message edited by justabrokendream at 10:36 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]

My version.

Rat,

You no longer own a dog, house, or tree. If you continue to harass my client, who is NOT your wife, you will be hearing from the police.

Sincerely,

XYZ Solicitor

Hmm, I guess I wasn't taking it quite so seriously until I read all your posts, but you're right -- definitely I will consult with my lawyer on this if I see him today. I'm hoping that today the decree will actually be ready (I'm divorced, but the document to prove it has been taking a long time to be ready...not the fault of the lawyer, the judge was signing everyone else's before mine apparently), and if it is and I go there to pick it up, I'll discuss it with him.

I hope to heaven I have some kind of legal option other than "ignore." I did ask about a restraining order a month ago, but the lawyer told me it can only be used if my life is threatened; so far, the only "threatening" has been to my front yard.

Also, I have some evidence that could be used to get him in some pretty big (legal) trouble, and he surely knows this...why push his luck? I didn't want to go that route, but if he pushes me too far, I might have to consider it.

the problem here, reading your first post carefully, is that it is quite easy to conclude that he is coming by your home
*daily*

Call the police non emergency line.

There are stalking and harassment laws currently where you do not need a death threat, just some course of action where a reasonable person would be frightened.

Don't know about your state but find out. The police will know more than your atty.

Although the others are right, you should check with your lawyer if you can at least send him a letter, etc., in case this is turning into a stalking situation. It may be.

The other side is...it could just be that he doesn't "get it" yet. We have all seen threads about how shocked the WH is when we do file for divorce, or even if they do, they don't think anything should change. Yes, they want the divorce, but they think they should still be able to come and go, take what they want, do what they want, etc. They just think that they should be able to have a new person on their arm, without the rest of their lives changing.

I know with my own XH, that once our legal separation was done, I had to pointedly tell him a few times, "That is no longer your concern." He gave his "opinion" on what I should do with the basement one day. "that is no longer your concern." was my answer. You should have seen the shock on his face. We both work at a charity event every year...I get a room from the organizers for the weekend. He asked me a couple of weeks before where were WE staying. I just looked at him and told him I am staying at xxx hotel. I have no idea where you are staying. Again, it never crossed his mind that he wouldn't be sharing my free room.

So yes. Telling your lawyer lays the trail in case this is more than just stupidity on his part. If he escalates, you will be glad to have it on record...but IF you end up talking to him at some point, just telling him point blank the tree, garden, dog or whatever is no longer his concern, might just be what he needs to hear. He's just thinking about all the work he put into that garden or whatever over the years, and thinking it's still his. Sometimes, they just need to be hit over the head with a brick to get it.

I would let him take care of the yard and dog. Then at least you won't have to worry about it. But don't forget to let his new woman know that he still comes over to take care of your bush!

I would cut the whole tree down. That will 'fix' the tree.

I love these replies!!!