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Suitable response that covers all situations?

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allatsea posted 6/2/2014 10:03 AM

In general I do believe that NC is the way to go. Especially in the early days when NC is to protect us from more hurt.

However, sometimes their wayward delusion and re-writing of history, blame-shifting, outright lies and utter bullshit warrants a reply.

I definitely thing that total NC provides the wayward with tacet corroboration from us that what they say must be true because the betrayed spouse hasn't responded to deny it. Let's not forget that they will quite happily reach that conclusion to justify anything they want.

I'm trying to come up with a short, repeatable, witty and sarcastic put-down that covers most if not all idiotic texts and emails from the WS.

I'm unable to come up with anything witty.
It needs to be something that conveys the following as I have used all of these separately:


1) You are talking shit again
2) The only person who believes what comes out of your mouth is you and Gru.
3) I see you are still in deep denial about the fuck up you have made of our lives
4) Shut the fuck up
5) Whatever

There has to be a clever remark that I could use. Crickets just doesn't do it for me.

Ideas?


[This message edited by allatsea at 10:04 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]

FaithFool posted 6/2/2014 10:05 AM

Dude, way too many words.

All it takes is one: "Copy"

If you want to get really forceful, use: "Noted"

Trust me, best ammunition for dealing with these NPD freaks.

No12turn2 posted 6/2/2014 10:08 AM

The best response is no response. Trust me, the lack of concern will bother them more than any words you can type.

Helen of Troy posted 6/2/2014 13:13 PM

If it is about the kids sometimes you HAVE to respond.

Favorites:
"I've noted your concerns."
"I'm sorry you feel that way" emphasis on the word YOU.

If you respond with profanity or blame it makes you look bad. Make him look bad from now on by staying indifferent with those sentences or putting his feelings back on HIM.

Helen of Troy posted 6/2/2014 13:15 PM

If you want to be nasty write it in a journal or here just not to him, anything you write down can be used against you. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it but you know what I mean.
My xwh is ignorant, total dumbass self centered self absorbed piece of shit! I don't write or say this to him though.

allatsea posted 6/2/2014 13:18 PM

Thanks Helen. It's a her, btw.

Surely they are times when silence isn't appropriate?

I'm still in a place where I need her to know that I know she's talking out of her arse.

Sad in AZ posted 6/2/2014 13:23 PM

I'm still in a place where I need her to know that I know she's talking out of her arse.

Good luck with that. She won't care. Do yourself a favor and just stop the madness. Make your life a 'No Drama' zone.

If it's not about kids and/or finances, don't respond.

If it is about them, but there's no question, don't respond.

If it is about them, but it's a nonsense question, and you HAVE to respond, just say "I'm sorry you feel that way."

7yrsflushed posted 6/2/2014 13:23 PM

May not seem like it now but the best response truly is no response. Once YOU no longer give a shit what they think it doesn't matter what they say or believe. Your truth is all you have to worry about. You sending back a snarky response gives them something to talk about. You still haven't truly detached yet. It does take time but keep ignoring them. Once you no longer care they really do become comical in their attempts to suck you back in ro get a reaction out of you.

I went through this shit with my XWW. When you truly no longer give a shit about them and they know it you have won because they are non-entities to you.

little turtle posted 6/2/2014 13:29 PM

I'm still in a place where I need her to know that I know she's talking out of her arse.

Why? I think you'll have better results with shorter or no responses. I like "noted."

What are you hoping to accomplish with a witty comeback? She will believe whatever she chooses to believe regardless of what you tell her. My XH has re-written history to the point where he truly believes his story even though it's a different version from mine. There's nothing I can do/say to change that.

Crescita posted 6/2/2014 13:33 PM

I definitely thing that total NC provides the wayward with tacet corroboration from us that what they say must be true because the betrayed spouse hasn't responded to deny it. Let's not forget that they will quite happily reach that conclusion to justify anything they want.

No. You are not on trial and do not need to defend yourself. Have you heard the expression “what other people think of you is none of your business”? It applies here. Their opinion of you is none of your business. Don’t give them the headspace.

GabyBaby posted 6/2/2014 13:44 PM

I'm still in a place where I need her to know that I know she's talking out of her arse.

We've all been there, but the others are right.
She KNOWS she's talkign out of her arse. If she's anything like my XWH, she does it on purpose just to wind you up.

When I stopped responding to his digs, he ramped it up trying to get a response- ANY reponse.
But I noticed his nastiness was only via email and text. In person, he was always very polite (coward).

When he failed (over a period of time) to get more than "Noted", or a response that only responded to a SPECIFIC question about the kids/finances, or simply silence, it stopped.
He finally figured out that the game no longer worked with me. The last two years or so have been pretty peaceful (at least with regard to XWH). Ahhh bliss!

Softcentre posted 6/2/2014 14:00 PM

AAS, she doesn't care what you think, she just wants a reaction so that you can feed the drama, which helps her relationship with Gru. Many unremorseful WS seem to need the drama to feed their ego and reinforce that they made the 'right' decision. Each time you're negative/witty, it gives her 'proof' to show Gru how awful you are. Do you really want to help cement their relationship any further?

That's why we say crickets.

allatsea posted 6/2/2014 14:08 PM

I see what you are saying. I haven't detached yet.

She sucks me in by pressing my buttons about the kids. I want to defend myself from her attacks

Guinness23 posted 6/2/2014 16:18 PM

If you haven't detached and its completely understandable by all the shit that witch did to you, how about "Seriously???" or "Whateeeever!" And say it in the most bored WTF tone you can muster.

[This message edited by Guinness23 at 4:19 PM, June 2nd (Monday)]

nowiknow23 posted 6/2/2014 22:12 PM

She sucks me in by pressing my buttons about the kids. I want to defend myself from her attacks
Then rewire your buttons.

The best defense with an NPD is to not give a shit about them or anything they say or do. They are injured most severely by being insignificant.

allatsea posted 6/3/2014 02:46 AM

Then this is what I must do.

thebighurt posted 6/3/2014 03:04 AM

The advice you have received is correct. Xpos constantly sent me harassing or threatening emails and texts to which he received crickets in return. After a while, he sent an email saying that at least I could have the common decency to respond to his emails and texts, to which he also received crickets.

homewrecked2011 posted 6/3/2014 04:54 AM

My XWS is giving me crickets. It is maddening. I was ok after the first couple, but it's crickets I'm receiving evenwhen I ask about issues involving the kids.....

So, yes, I think crickets work IF you keep it up for a while.

Remember, the OM is purposefully trying to drive you insane so that your XW will never want you back.

So, do what I do and laugh. If you feel you must respond, post here first! Then make sure the reply to her is short.

Also, make sure everything about you is great. When your kids come over drop everything and hang with them. Movies, camping trip, rent a boat, have them mow your yard, anything. You will have a good time with them and they will learn how to be a Dad -- and that is your goal! I think the OM is going to become more and more domineering and your kids need a safe place they can go to once they start driving!

I just saw this posted on the section where people can ask WS questions:

About the WS actions during the affair -- and even now in your WW and my XH's life:

In general, the way WS's think during the A doesn't make sense. To you or to us. I think that all sorts of inconsistent thoughts and actions are possible.

So, your XWW isn't doing anything sensible, so you have to be the sensible one.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 5:12 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]

PhoenixRisen posted 6/3/2014 06:00 AM

CRICKETS!!!
If there is a specific logistical question about children reply with dates, times, facts.

Nothing else!

"Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig enjoys it." -Shaw

[This message edited by PhoenixRisen at 6:01 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]

Bluebird26 posted 6/3/2014 06:00 AM

"Noted"

"OK" or just "k"

Or simply ignore them unless it's a question.

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