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authenticnow posted 6/2/2014 14:16 PM

The questions of waywards triggering comes up on SI sometimes. Today I had to pick something up for work in the town where the As happened. When I got off the exit and started getting into the town I started to feel myself getting choked up. Didn't see that coming!

As I drove through town and literally past the street where OM lived I got a sick feeling in my stomach. I felt queasy and shaky until I got to my destination. Then I focused on my work errand, got back into the car and had the same feeling going back out.I could not wait to get out of there!

Too many reminders of my behaviors back then, I guess.

That did not feel good at all!

BrokenButTrying posted 6/2/2014 14:25 PM


That can't have been easy, well done for facing it with dignity.

I was with my dad and my sister the other night (neither know about the A at BH's request) my dad asked my sister to choose a film from his dvd's. She picked Bridges of Madison County because she'd never seen it before. Not one of the best nights really.

authenticnow posted 6/2/2014 14:28 PM

Thanks, BBT.

I was with my dad and my sister the other night (neither know about the A at BH's request) my dad asked my sister to choose a film from his dvd's. She picked Bridges of Madison County because she'd never seen it before. Not one of the best nights really.

Yeah, things like that suck. If people don't know you kind of have to go along with it, and 'sit in it' for the duration.

That happened to me a couple of times. I'd be going with DD for lunch and she'd (unknowingly, of course) pick a restaurant that was a huge trigger for BH, or in a neighborhood that was not where I wanted to be. I'd usually make up a story as to why we should pick another place, but sometimes it's tough.

Deeply Scared posted 6/2/2014 14:33 PM


I know when those types of triggers sneak up...they can really knock us for a loop and make us all unsteady again.

Good for you for recognizing what it was and what caused it. It's all a process for sure.

Everything will be're a good girl with a great husband.

familyfirst posted 6/2/2014 14:52 PM

It never really goes away for use either then, does it. Music is still my #1 trigger. Even though I got rid of the A "soundtrack" the music still finds me in the oddest places like the grocery store or tv commercials.

mindbody posted 6/2/2014 15:43 PM


I think the fact that you did have these ill effects shows how far you have come in your R and healing. Work was the reason you were in OM's neighborhood and you were anxious and stressed to get out of there. The thought of how you behaved then as a wayward was literally making you sick. That time in your life is over
and you don't want anything to do with it. That's good but the triggery feelings were not.

Work aside, I can't imagine why any healed or remorseful wayward would ever want to go back to the places the A took place or even be in the same vicinity of the OP or the B. I don't like to be reminded of WSO's A when I see people who knew about the A and OW when I was in the dark. I'd rather not be around those people so I avoid them if I can. I think anyone who gets it can understand your feelings and triggers today.

5454real posted 6/2/2014 16:04 PM

Strength AN.

Bottom line.....

Triggers Suck

Everydayisday1 posted 6/2/2014 16:38 PM

Good job on recognizing your triggers.

This is all still VERY fresh for me, and it seems like so much triggers bad feelings. The worst is music, then next t comes places in my house ( )...

My partner told me that when I feel the bad emotions well up inside, and recognize the thoughts, not to focus on the THOUGHTS but to focus on the FEELINGS. Where do I "feel" the emotion? For me, It's in my throat and I feel like I cannot breathe. So, I observe the feelings and eventually, the thoughts fade.

Figuring out, and most of all remembering, how to do this is hard. I tend to "think too much" and can QUICKLY spiral, so really working at recognition of these moments has been key for me.

I have been listening to different music. That helps. But the worst part is that every day, twice a day, I have to drive directly in front of where he lives. There is no avoiding it because my daughter's school is on that road... so, I intentionally tried (today) to focus on how it felt and worked on letting the feeling go. Talk about a test of will! That used to be a positive trigger cause I knew he was there. Now it's a negative trigger because I know he is there. Strange... eh.

One day, or for me, one moment at a time.

Good efforts by us all!

(This experience is so... surreal... it changes everything!)

Thanks for letting me post.

authenticnow posted 6/2/2014 18:51 PM

Thank you all for the feedback.

I guess it's always there and will pop up at certain times, but thankfully it's not too frequent, and it does become more manageable.

Jrazz posted 6/2/2014 18:58 PM

You're a different person now, AN.


WalkinOnEggshelz posted 6/2/2014 19:40 PM

I think the fact that you did have these ill effects shows how far you have come in your R and healing.

I believe this to be very true, AN.

There is a wayward here who's story has been triggering me a lot lately. It is very close to home. So many similarities. So much so that I went back and read an old thread of mine. HT and I were in the car discussing it and I couldn't help but become emotional. I get that sick to your stomach feeling.

But I realized that it was the perfect opportunity for me to apologize to HT. I know he appreciated it. Whenever big ones hit like that I try to make sure I share them with HT. So maybe times like these are just really good reminders of how fortunate we are to have made the changes and get that second chance. Maybe they hit is just when we get too comfortable. They give that check that we need so we don't fall back into that old mindset.

Just a thought.

stupidgurl posted 6/2/2014 19:46 PM

I avoid going anywhere near where OM lived(s) don't know if he is still there but I don't want to see him, his house, or be reminded of him, I don't think about him and don't want to. I get anger triggers, and I feel terribly uncomfortable being on "his" side of town, luckily my parents live far across town!

RegretsTillIDie posted 6/2/2014 22:11 PM

So many triggers that I initially avoided and held inside. Several years after the affair I was at an airport in a town where I had a rendezvous with my AP talking to my BW on the phone. I couldnít bring myself to mention how I was feeling at being there but she brought it up and when I told her I was almost sick to my stomach she asked me why I didnít tell her that and how much it would mean to her if I would tell her those things. Since then I try to be much more conscious to tell her about those triggers and feelings. I finally recognized she realizes those triggers just like me and that sharing was a strong way to reduce the power of them.

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