Thank you for your response and viewpoint as well "nowiknow23".
I am glad you second my thoughts about her selfishness and how she reached out to me only when things were not so "shiny and bright". Your opinion allowed me to realize I may not be so wrong after all.
Right now it is very hard to trust my judgements about her as you can well understand. I naturally do not know her or who she is anymore. I do not want to fall back into being her emotional support since she showed she was not interested in my emotional well-being ever since she was found out on "D-Day".
Right after "D-Day" - when we were discussing "current events" - I mentioned she was selfish. She responded that I never said or appeared to think she was selfish before. My response back was that then at that time I was wearing "rose colored glasses" in regards to her - but since she had managed to knock them off of me - I saw things differently now.
I know when she has told others about us not being together anymore - she has either down-played her waywardness to the point of it being nothing but a misunderstanding on my part - or has not mentioned it at all. She has placed the failure of our relationship totally on me for various reasons. She is still being selfish in a manner to make herself the victim.
I know she can lie to others - but she cannot lie to herself.
In fact as I ponder on what she has told me about her past relationships - she was "always" cast in the role of the victim. Eventually others will catch on to that fact - if they have not already.
The only time she was the victim was when she was involved in her near death car accident some twenty-five years ago which has led to all her medical issues ever since.
At one time - I would have been available at all hours to respond to her on "Facebook" or the phone - whether I was sleeping or not - when she was away for medical reason. She must have thought I was sitting at the laptop or waiting by the phone just in case she called. Those days are over. I suppose I should feel lucky she did not decide to phone me long-distance in the middle of the night - and wake me up.
When we were physically together - she always knew she could wake me should I be asleep in the middle of the night and I would always assist her. Those days are over now as well - by her own hand and her own decisions.
I suppose her new guy has better set boundaries than I had. He is 67 years old - and no doubt needs his sleep. He will definitely need his rest if he is going to help her with her emotional and physical needs in the future. But he has money - so maybe he will hire someone to do what I did for free out of my sheer love for her. Or maybe he has already moved on when the task of being with her seemed too much trouble.
Maybe her emotional distress the other night was because he had in fact left the scene. I had sent him an e-mail just after "D-Day" letting him know what was involved in being with her. He probably thought I was full of crap - but he may have found out I was speaking the truth after all.
Maybe that night she wanted me to comfort and console her on her "new" broken-heart. The way she seems to be right now - I would not doubt it.
I cannot believe I was foolish enough to close my eyes and fall asleep beside her - I should have slept with one eye open at all times.
Earlier tonight I wrote four words on a piece of paper to be left by my computer - to be looked at when I feel full of any sorrow or concern about her. The four words I wrote are ... "You Cannot Trust Her".
Hopefully they will keep me from slipping deeper into my own "fog".
I am not bitter - I just sound that way.
- BlackHorse.