I told him that this bothers me but he replies that he doesn't want to act down all the time. But I'm not necessarily acting for that, I just wish he would act like he is FEELING something.
He acts like we can just get back together a few months down the road or that we can still be together and doesn't recognize that I am so hurt by everything. I'm not considering a reconciliation because I do not see it as possible but he seems to believe there is no matter how many times I firmly state this. Ugh, it's so frustrating.
I cannot see any hope in R, I am truly shattered.
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
Together 9 years
DDay: June 24, 2013
Since then we have had 3 more DDs, the last one, evidence of a PA. He now knows he was wrong every time he cheated and he knows he treated me badly after DD #1.
You cannot make them feel something. They either will or will not. Seeing them hurt won't help you either. It sounds funny, but at least for me I would pity him, feel sorry for him even though his actions caused the mess.
The 180 may be for you. You need to heal yourself, and others on this site say it has helped them detach from the WS and concentrate on moving forward, sometimes with the WS, sometimes not. Either way it is about you, the more you worry about his feelings, the less you are taking care of yourself.
I wish you luck and love, and sorry that you are part of this club. Keep reading and posting, there are many here with great insight. Also check out the healing library for plenty of helpful reads.
It wasn't really a full blown affair, he went out with a bunch of people and slept with some girl he didn't know. Like a one night stand. He has had an affair when our son, who is 2.5, was a couple months old.
I know I shouldn't worry about his feelings but after 3.5 years of doing that and putting myself last it is going to take awhile for me to get used to doing that.
You situation is a little similar to mine and a little different than most on here, whose spouses had full on relationships with others. My H was all about anonymous encounters. It is different, but it still hurts. And it is NOT OK. On the left side of your screen you will see a link to "The Healing Library". You may find useful info in there. Good luck, no one wants this hell!!!
[This message edited by strengthandhope at 8:00 PM, June 2nd (Monday)]
he changed the subject!
Yeah, makes my decision to move on SO much easier! I can't wait until I get my financials in order on the 20th. I will be taking back my life and my home! Stay strong rollerager....
There is lots of helpful information on that forum as well as websites you can search for dedicated to SA recovery. I only wish my H would have embraced this true change and recovery years ago when I first found the hours of porn in the internet history, the craigslist ads, the dick pics....
It never ended, and escalated into disturbing subject matter. Every year it would get more intense. It doesn't get better without help.
Good luck to all.
He says he doesn't like to feel guilty and depressed but I feel like he needs to if he's really sorry. I'm not expecting to get that but it would have been nice.
Until he's off the pills and in touch with reality (life has good and bad) you're unwise to expect a "healthy" response.
Strength to you and your two kids during your move out.
What if he DOES get it? What if he just doesn't care? In my opinion, he is showing you who he actually is. This is him--there's no good guy all confused in there waiting to come out.
Sometimes I think this is true but there's always this piece of me that has hope. That piece is growing smaller, but it's still there.
I think he still believes we will be getting back together, no matter how many times I tell him that I can't be in a relationship with him because it hurts and I'm miserable.
With that behaviour, he's making it impossible for you to consider R. I think you're doing the right thing to leave.
[This message edited by Branca at 10:13 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]
DD #1 26 August 2013 - EA on FB and phone with a former flame OW#2 for about 8 months
DD #2 30 April 2014 - A lack of boundaries for 10 months in 2011 with OW#1