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User Topic: Retrouvaille Questions
♀ 36550
Member # 36550
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

  Posted: 2:26 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014I know this question has been asked before but wanted to check before signing up. For those who have attended can you please answer the following questions: 
1. Was your marriage headed for S or D before attending? 
2. Did the program save your marriage? 
3. Did the program help with your healing of the betrayals and affair?

Thank you so much for any insight.

Dday-June 16, 2012
Married 19 years, together 24 years
2 Kids (16 & 19)

Posts: 89 | Registered: Aug 2012
♂ 37664
Member # 37664
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My marriage was headed toward separation. The program was very helpful healing my marriage . It was a lot of intense work where you here from couples who are in the same situation . I highly recommend it but you need to be ready to work hard . The one criticism is this . They are not. Marriage councillors so if your going there to find answers to your pain you maybe disappointed . Otherwise I highly recommend it .

married 28 yrs
Kid's -2
A- several
DD- 12-10-12
Starting recovery

"I don't understand the world today I don't understand what she needs I gave her everything she threw it all away" tom petty

Posts: 228 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Los Angeles
♂ 41686
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

when I registered... I'm not quite sure where we were heading. But the time it was time for our weekend, we were heading towards R.

Did it save our marriage.... maybe, we saved our marriage & my wife was doing all the things a remorseful spouse should do, but the tools we got there helped with our communication.

Help with healing... though one... I'm going to say no for me, but that is not the design or intent of the program.

It's all about the communication tools. Some of our marriages would not have gotten to a point where our spouse might feel they needed to wander to get what they wanted.

It is a GREAT program and I have suggested it to many since our completion a few months ago.

BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA

Posts: 437 | Registered: Dec 2013
♂ 22698
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. Was your marriage headed for S or D before attending?

9 out of a 10... I would say yes.

2. Did the program save your marriage?

I would say it taught me how to talk my W. Yes, it saved my M in the respect that we opened up to each other more.

3. Did the program help with your healing of the betrayals and affair?

It is NOT affair specific... It taught me about love in a far different way.. I can understand the meaning. You will learn and discuss how to forgive. Self evaluation, trust, conflict management.. things like that. If you can understand how, a method then you both can behave according..

You share nothing with others unless you wish and those are only some general behavior type things. You will be safe.

I got some of the most beautiful letters from my W... But, my W made an effort. I would say you can be very wise by paying attention when you go.. Because a person who tries at something like this will prove they want you, despite their sin.. someone who does not.. well, never will. Do you understand what I mean?

I still use the method today.. be it with words from my mouth and not so much writing.

Posts: 2869 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. Actually, I thought that we were in a really good place, but we were having SO much trouble talking about feelings, and getting caught up in trying to understand the other person. But I went in to Retrouvaille thinking, arrogantly, that we were going to make it and that this would be a really nifty little technique to help us along our flower-strewn path to R.

2. Yes. And when I say yes, I mean because, during our post-sessions, I left the house twice and we went through an in-house separation that I meant to end in divorce. Because during that time, I found out that my FWH was lying to my face about his purging of porn, and right after our post-sessions were over that he was private browsing to get his porn fix. We kept going to post sessions although there were two weeks that I just sat there like a zombie, with tears streaming down my face. And at the last session, I told the group that I didn't know where we were headed. But we kept talking. Even when I did a modified 180d on him, we used the techniques to speak to each other.

3. It helped us to talk about it. It helped us to explain our feelings about it. It helped us to communicate, effectively, so yes. I think that it helped us get through a big chunk of healing in a quicker fashion.

Of all of the couples that attended with us, there were, I think, well over 1/2 that were headed for divorce. And a lot who were just miserable and showed it. My advice? Go. You have literally nothing to lose. And a lot to gain.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10182 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 39836
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. Did it 4 months from DDAY. I was still very emotional and not sure which way was up much less what direction our marriage was heading.

2. It gave us tools to communicate, time to focus on each other and our marriage, and an opportunity to express how we felt.

3. We are a year out from dday, so I cannot say it saved our marriage at this point as we are still healing. Retrouvaille gave me the feeling that it was going to be okay, we were going to make it, and that our marriage was worth the work.

In one word, I would describe it as enlightening! We are going to be repeating it this year, so I think it will give us the extra push we need.

Sign up! You won't regret it.

Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 893 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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