"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

LostSamurai posted 6/3/2014 06:08 AM

Should I pack my WW stuff or let her come and get it?

devasted30 posted 6/3/2014 06:19 AM

Are you in IC?

LostSamurai posted 6/3/2014 06:26 AM

Yea, but what point does that make?

Is there anyone that can be my online go between.

During this time, I don't want to be contacted by my WW directly and rather have a go between. Preferred a couple far in their Reconciliation.

trynhard posted 6/3/2014 06:28 AM

I would let her come get it.. write all the major stuff you plan on splitting in a note.. Let her tell you what she values and make the best compromise..

Tell her on "X" date you will change the locks. But first, take all she agreed was yours you think she might steal and take it to a friends place.

Congratulations on success with everyman's battle.. Peace brother and do not fear eliminating someone who chooses not to love you from our life.. Keep being quality and your good will come.

LostSamurai posted 6/3/2014 06:40 AM

I already changed the locks. I took down most of the pictures. And put them in a box.

Dreamboat posted 6/3/2014 06:48 AM

Didn't she move out several months ago? That being the case, hefty bag hr ass. There is obviously nothing there that she needs to live day-to-day. So get it out of site. If she gets upset, just say you were trying to help

devasted30 posted 6/3/2014 06:49 AM

(((LostSamurai))) You have so much pent up anger and hostility that I am worried about how you are going to handle all this. I think this step you are taking is the right one for YOU, but I worry about you being able to cope. I know how hard it is to do this. I just feel that you are very dependent upon your WW for your emotional happiness or unhappiness and I think you are going to have a very rough time controlling your emotions. You need to concentrate on You. You need to focus on You. Pack your WW's stuff and leave it for her. Do not have any contact with her at all. Be done. Stop looking for clues, hints, suggestions that she still loves you. Do not worry about that now. Worry about you. Worry about building your new life and growing from this. Let her see you are the most important thing in your life. You are, not her. If she comes around and you have done the work and still want her, great. If not, you will have grown up, matured and will be the prize for someone else. I see that as a win/win situation.

LostSamurai posted 6/3/2014 06:54 AM

I could care less about her. I am angered, but I am going to take care of all that. I am going to F UP OM#1 After the meeting today. I will pack her stuff. Stopped taking my meds, because it ain't doing any good.

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 6:55 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]

painpaingoaway posted 6/3/2014 07:14 AM

I am going to F UP OM#1

I understand the rage and the desire to do this, but you must NOT. This will only make things worse for you. Stop yourself now.

RomanticInnocenc posted 6/3/2014 07:26 AM

Lost Samurai, I have followed some of your story. If I am taking your meaning right you have 1.gone off your medication and 2.plan to exact vengeance by hurting the OM!

You know that that is the WORST thing you could do and ultimately is not going to make you feel better for more then 5 minutes, plus could land you in some serious trouble.

I know the pain hurts, I know you feel lost, unloved, scared and there is a lot of anger and hate covering a lot of emotion.

The way I see it though- you have two choices!

1. You can stay off your meds, beat the hell out of OM, show your WW that she has sent you crazy and validate her crazy by allowing her to know how much room she has in your head, rent free. You may get away with it, you may get arrested, have a criminal record, maybe even lose yourself so much that you accidentally kill the OM and go to jail for a really long time! Fact is that is not going to take the pain away and it is not going to make your wife love you!

2. You can follow your original plan, pack up her crap, leave it in the garage, front lawn, whatever floats your boat. File for divorce, go back to your doctor and talk about how your meds aren't working, find a friend to use as a shoulder to cry on, continue IC, post here, heal yourself and make yourself ready for the amazing life you can still have! Don't let her consume your life! She has already taken so much from you.

Let yourself feel the pain, cry, scream, break some crap, do it in a safe environment and when you are tired and broken down, come back here and let us help nurse your wounds! Be the man you know you are capable of being, strong but kind and caring! Just don't give it to her any more!

Hugs!

tushnurse posted 6/3/2014 07:40 AM

Lost my man you have to stop and reconsider this plan on exacting vengeance with the OM.
It will reflect poorly on you, and make you the bad guy, and make it hard for you to have equal custody of your daughter.

You have every right to hate the OM, but beating the piss out of him does nothing to change the core of who he is, a loser with no morals. Besides at the end of the day it was your STBXW that chose to sleep with him. Be angry with her for throwing what you had away. If he wasn't willing some other douche would have been.

You deserve more, and the best revenge is a life well lived. You being strong, happy, and independent, you having your daughter love and respect her dad because you are a strong good loving father means much more than a black eye and sore rib cage.

Stop. Think.

Carefully act.

LostSamurai posted 6/3/2014 07:41 AM

1. Yes
2. Yes

As I see it I have nothing to lose at this point. They both already ruined my life as I see, for the last 3 years. She is just sitting on her bum, and doesn't give a hoot.

We shall see.

LostSamurai posted 6/3/2014 07:42 AM

Maybe I am just venting... either way this F'ing marriage is over.

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 7:46 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]

BrokenButTrying posted 6/3/2014 07:46 AM

As I see it I have nothing to lose at this point.

Your daughter.

Lost, I have followed your story. Your WW is all shades of crazy and if you go cave man on the OM I have absolutely no doubt she would take that to the bank and restrict your access to your daughter.

Breathe. Big deep breaths. Don't loose yourself.

Integrity, dignity, strength.

yearsofpain25 posted 6/3/2014 07:49 AM

As I see it I have nothing to lose at this point.

Vent away. But as BBT pointed out you have your daughter to lose.

Even more importantly, your daughter has you to lose.

yop

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 7:49 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]

RomanticInnocenc posted 6/3/2014 07:51 AM

Listen to BBT! Are you really going to leave your daughter with the crazy that is your wife? She needs you more then anything, to love her, to make the hard decisions for her, to live... For her! Show her what love really is so that she can one day find a man like her father, loving, loyal, caring and willing to do what it takes to be there for her!

annb posted 6/3/2014 07:52 AM

Lost, your marriage is over, but your life isn't.

YOU need to step up and be the best dad to your daughter who is caught up in this mess. YOU need to be the responsible parent here, and yes, you can lose her if you do anything to OM.

You are very young, you have an ENTIRE life ahead of you. Divorce is not the end, it is the beginning of a life full of peace and happiness without all this drama you have endured. For you, Lost, life truly begins NOW. You have not had a life in a long time, start thinking about your future sans your wife.

Continue being a man of integrity and honesty.

((((Hugs))))

tushnurse posted 6/3/2014 07:54 AM

Please feel free to vent, but know that if you give into the anger, and act rashly that you are only hurting yourself.

You chose to try and try and try. Do not be angry at her or him because you were more than willing to attempt R. Be angry at the gift she threw away.

You have nothing to lose? Really....Stop for a second and think about that one. That's just childish, fear speaking.

You are healthy.
You are gainfully employed.
You have your home.
You have a wonderful perfect daughter.
You have friends and support.
You have the ability to heal yourself, and become a more complete man than you ever knew you could be.

Those are all things to loose, and in my book fairly significant things.

Vent, call names, write cathartic angry words, but remember anything you act in anger about will certainly hurt one person, your daughter deserves better than that dad.

(((and strength)))

LostSamurai posted 6/3/2014 07:55 AM

Thanks. I really just hate this life...

karmahappens posted 6/3/2014 07:59 AM

You now have the chance to create a new life...do it.

It's the best revenge.

You are worth it.