While I am a daily lurker, I only post rarely. In that lurking, I sometimes get bummed out by all the bad stories and endings without reconciliation. I look for the good stories in the Reconciliation forum, but even there it can get a bit down.
I know that the positive stories often gave me the strength to keep going and keep doing the hard work, so I thought it might be good to give an update of where BW and I am now.
Long story short, things are good. Really, really good.
We celebrated our anniversary last week and had an amazing mid week night away from DS and DD. We met after our respective jobs in a nice hotel in the city where she works. I gave her the gifts I picked out and she said "I thought at first that just the fact I am here with you after all this should be gift enough for me to give you." (And she is right!) "But it suddenly struck me that it really is time we replaced your wedding band so I think we should go pick one out."
(Mine was lost YEARS ago - was my Dad's and my job requires no jewelry and I think I threw it in the work laundry, never knew exactly what happened to it - it broke my heart to lose it and I couldn't bear to replace it as that would mean I had given up on never finding it again - how's THAT for mixed up thinking!?)
After an interlude in the hotel room in the land of TMI we went to a jewelry store and picked out a ring. We then made it back to the hotel bar and shared a cocktail followed by a wonderful Italian dinner (gnocchi with a drizzle of truffle honey!) followed by another visit to TMI land. The next morning it was breakfast together and off to our separate jobs. Throughout we held hands like teenagers!
It was wonderful and incredibly affirming of our love.
I don't want to give the impression that all is hunky-dory or that we are not dealing with difficulty. We still have incredibly emotional conversations about the As. BW has had some correspondence with OW1 and last week told my I must by lying about a detail concerning whether OW1 had an affair before she had one with me. I know she told me she did but OW1 now tells BW that I was her first. I don't know why OW1 has chosen to lie about that and I don't care - I told BW that I am done lying and that I would not admit to a lie that I did not commit.
I continue in IC and continue to read. We have both taken the 5 Love Languages model to heart and while it sometimes seems silly, it really does work for us.
I now feel some confidence in our ability to "make it." I am so incredibly grateful for the gift of Reconciliation and am committed to do everything to help my amazing wife heal.
I know that everyone's story doesn't end the same way but I know that the positive ones were a big help to me in the hours, days, and weeks following D-Day.