Personally, I connect emotions with each action: Toward is Happiness and Love; Away is Fear and Sadness; Against is Anger and Disgust.
sometime I hate him. I hate him and I love him and he disgusts and inspires me.
Ambivalence will lead to self-doubt and eventually depression. Moving toward him will save your M; Fighting and conflict avoidance will lead to D.
Do you have an IC to help you make the best choice for you and your daughter?
Have you seen "Crazy Stupid Love" with Steve Carell and Julianne Moore? In the last scene there is a speech including: "I've loved you even when I've hated you... You married folks know what I'm talking about". That's taken on a whole new meaning for me since DDay, and makes me feel less crazy.
Trigger warning- if you haven't seen the movie, infidelity is a major part.
Anger, sadness and ambivilence are ok. Acceptable. I do not agree with Iwantdoover in that you are turning away when you have these feelings. You're protecting yourself. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad about what happened. It's part of the grief process. Let that happen first before you recommit.
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Relax, everything’s out of control” – Adi Da Samraj