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blakesteele posted 6/3/2014 12:46 PM

Just got into my suit.....interview in 45 minutes.

Checked wife's laptop.....:yep, she visited his business face book page!!!

Called her. Asked 3 times. 3 lies.


Had been there before....not a lot, but a few times since NC.

I am f'ing pissed!!!!!!

Maybe should go in general forum.....but my core friends are here.

Please help!

God be with me.

Rebreather posted 6/3/2014 12:50 PM

Ignore this until after your interview.

Focus on YOU.

Get to a place of balance. Do what is best for YOU. Get this promotion!!!

Do it!

The rest will WAIT.

Go get em!!!

brokensmile322 posted 6/3/2014 12:52 PM

Deep breaths, Blake! Deep breaths!

Take this and put it into a box right now. For now. You can do it. Place it in, Zip it up and place it on a shelf. Visual yourself doing it with all the feelings you are feeling about it right now. Put them in there too. And GO ROCK THAT INTERVIEW….for you!

Do it for you, Blake!

You got this! You can do it. Make your girls proud.


We can talk about your wife and her looking AFTER. Right now----go rock this thing. For YOU, for YOUR GIRLS!

5454real posted 6/3/2014 12:53 PM

I I am so sorry brother.That's the last thing you need it before this interview.

I no it will be difficult, but put all your focus there right now.I have a lot more, but I'm sure others will be voicing their support also.

Right now, focus on you.

as always, sending strength.


kiki1 posted 6/3/2014 12:54 PM


Set it aside for now, rock out that interview!!!

You've been so helpful to others here, sending you good karma for all you've been to others.

AML04 posted 6/3/2014 12:57 PM

I hope you are/have rocked your interview!! In this moment she doesn't matter. Focus on yourself!!

You have given your strength and wisdom to so many others, let us be here for you. We're always here for you to lean on. Take care of yourself!

seethelight posted 6/3/2014 12:58 PM


Good luck on the interview.

As my IC says, it's time to start focusing on you.

If she doesn't like it. It's time to say goodbye.

Lyonesse posted 6/3/2014 13:01 PM

Sending support and mojo.

At the moment, the interview is the only thing that matters. The only thing.

WW is a problem that can be dealt with in the afternoon.

Best wishes.

blakesteele posted 6/3/2014 13:13 PM

Thanks guys. Surprisingly okay now..../what a trigger!!!!!

Thanks for the hand of fellowship.....kept me from falling to the bottom of a pit.

Choices.......I have choices.

God is with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 1:14 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]

Twentyplus posted 6/3/2014 13:49 PM

I swear I felt that like it happened to me. Strange how this shit works...

As a BS I have a NC agreement with MYSELF re my viewing OW's silly ass FB page & retriggering myself by knowing of her activities. I have had that intention for my recovery for more than a year. I have broken this NC at least 10 or more times, never to the good of the M. Yet I have zero interest in contacting or engaging OW there or anywhere. Social media can be a pitfall for all of us, but often just a temporary mental blip, compulsion, that evaporates in hours & means little to the bigger picture of R.

I truly believe that will be the case for you & WW. Effing unfortunate timing, that's for sure. You have handled well so far. I hope you will continue to approach with compassion.

((My best to you both.))

ItsaClimb posted 6/3/2014 14:00 PM


Jrazz posted 6/3/2014 14:02 PM


I'm so sorry. Take deep breaths.

I've learned that if I have something logistically or emotionally important to do, I don't submit my ticket to triggertown until afterwards.

I'm really sorry you had to discover that. We're here for you or in General - wherever you need to be.

karmahappens posted 6/3/2014 14:32 PM

Good thoughts. ...put the rest on hold.

Althea posted 6/3/2014 14:52 PM

Blake, I just saw this; but it looks like you got this. Remember, lovingly disengage, and if you can't do that angrily disengage. There is nothing for you to do until AFTER this interview.

rachelc posted 6/3/2014 15:15 PM

Blskesteele- I'm so sorry.
Just remember -you have done the work. You. Have. Done. The. Work! Lean on that and what you've learned so far.
You will be ok. Gracerunner really needs to step it up.
A few days ago you posted something that stuck out to me and I didn't day anything and I should have.
You said you guys are having a tough time with sexual intimacy. And I thought ok, someone's head is not in this!

Why did you look at her laptop? General checkup or gut telling you something?

By now your interview is probably over. However this goes it goes. You will be ok,

Peace friend!!!

[This message edited by rachelc at 3:16 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]

blakesteele posted 6/3/2014 15:31 PM

Gut rachelc. A general pattern I noted this week.

Nothing as strong as summer of affair....but similar.

Pulled back a bit, kinda there for me but not, .....and my response to that. Me saying "it's all good, your fine, nothing's wrong" to myself.

Positive side here? Was only a week before I chose differently......waaaayyy better than the decades prior!

God is with us all.

Arnold01 posted 6/3/2014 16:13 PM

Just read this and saw your other post that the interview went well. Congratulations! That's a victory on many levels, regardless of what happens with the promotion, and you should be proud of how you navigated today's surprise. It's impressive and inspiring to me, especially when I experienced the same surprise (H looking up OW on Facebook) last week for the first time and didn't handle it nearly as well.

Wishing you strength and wisdom in navigating this with your wife, and keep us posted on the interview decision.

sisoon posted 6/3/2014 16:28 PM


You've developed a lot of strength in the last 2 years, so you can be the person you want to be. Slow down and breathe and be yourself.

needfriendshere posted 6/3/2014 16:44 PM


I am so glad the interview went well. What a great confidence boost and just when you need it.

As for your WW and checking the OM's FB page, my feelings are that if that is the extent of her contact with the OM, talk it out with her, and make sure she knows that is not acceptable. Period. The ugly truth of these hideous A's is that our WS's still do think of their AP's sometimes. We are kidding ourselves if we think they have completely forgotten them. In their own weird way, they too are healing.

Hang in there! Believe me, I know how painful it was for you to see that. My heart goes out to you, buddy! I hope your "little talk" with her goes well. Please let us know what happens. We are pulling for you - for this and for your job!

blakesteele posted 6/3/2014 18:35 PM

Thanks for the unfailing support.

It appears it was just lurking. Have no way to verify. Sooooo, trust is a choice. I choosing to trust her without the benefit of verifying.

Throw back to CoD? To soon to tell.

Talk went okay. Some defensiveness from her, some reminding me of my faults and stumbles of the past.....some expressing thoughts rather than feelings, a question or two meant to distract or draw us into a side trip.

Positive summary:

We both recognized the unhealthy cycle we nibbled at but did not fully engage in

She found the courage to express a few painful feelings.

I listened.....really listened.

Talked about a joint FB page....instead of our own pages. Not hard for me as I was less of a FB user before......really lost interest after it's tie to her A.

And I was totally in the moment for my 2 hour interview!

That. Is. Huge for me. I seriously felt like another DD just occurred. A new thought was to hefty bag....but remembered feelings are NOT dictators. I had healthier choices. I CAN choose better. I had one fact to base an action on......but not enough to understand the sitch. I opted to stay with my feelings and focus on all the facts of the sitch.

Not enough to take full action, but enough to express my feelings to my wife. Anger, fear, and shock were the three big ones.

Taco night with our girls.....nephews down too! Heading to a state park for all day fun tomorrow!

I am truly blessed and have more than I deserve.

I don't deserve ya'lls support. My choices to reach for and use false intimacies in my past triggers some of you......sexual sin of my own....I know. And yet, you are here for me.

Grace in action.

Thank you.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 6:36 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]

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