SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Breezy150 posted 6/3/2014 14:00 PM

I went to IC this morning. She agrees with the meeting with the lawyer. The fear of D or S has hinged mostly on financial stuff, so now I take that fear away and know what I am looking at.

My appointment with the L is in an hour and I am in a major panic attack. I have already taken meds but they aren't helping. I figured maybe some supportive words from you all will help.

I am going no matter how bad this attack gets and I will be so proud of myself when it's done for doing it by myself. They might think I am a crazy lady but I don't care.

Show me some love SI, I need it.

tushnurse posted 6/3/2014 14:06 PM

(((Breeezy))))

Honey I would go with you if I could. I wish you could feel the strength that we are all sending you.
YOU can do this, and just keep telling yourself, this is not your doing. YOU are better than what he has allowed you to become.

YOU are so very strong. YOU will find happiness again, and when you do, NO ONE will ever be able to steal it from you again.

Breezy150 posted 6/3/2014 14:09 PM

Thank you so much! I was afraid nobody would see this before I had to go.

I do feel the strength from you guys in the last 6 months I have grown so much stronger because of what I found here.

Old Breezy would not have done half of what I have done since finding SI.

I think I can posted 6/3/2014 14:15 PM

I think that facing facts is always less scary than imagining the monster under the bed. You got this.

Breezy150 posted 6/3/2014 14:16 PM

So true. Thank you. It worked I am calming down.

NeverAgain2013 posted 6/3/2014 14:32 PM

Breezy, knowledge is POWER.

Go become empowered.

And YOU'RE my new hero

lieshurt posted 6/3/2014 14:34 PM

You are strong. You are taking control of your life and your future. You can do this.

(((breezy)))

Breezy150 posted 6/3/2014 14:40 PM

Thank you. Here I go taking all of your strength with me. I will update when I get home.

Schadenfreude posted 6/3/2014 14:43 PM

I saw thousands of initial client contacts over my 35 plus years in practice and I never once lost one to a heart attack, panic attack, or being frightened to death.

I've told,others here have a list of your legal issues (the lawyer is not a marriage counselor or psychiatrist) which will help you as you'll be armed with knowledge

Suggestions:

Time for contested and uncontested
Fees and costs
Assets and liabilities (approximate ok for now)
Property division
Custody and support if minors involved
Spousal support
Medical insurance coverage
Pension rights
Visitation if minors involved
Role of fault, if any, in the above

Believe it or not, it won't take more than an hour if the lawyer has handled these cases before.

Ostrich80 posted 6/3/2014 14:43 PM

Just think of it as, gathering information. You are no obligated to make a decision today. This is just getting knowledge and that's a good thing. Peace to you Breezy..you've got this

oldtimer97 posted 6/3/2014 14:52 PM

Might be too late, but I've never met a lawyer (working for me that is) that I didn't like. I've done a divorce, a financial lawsuit (stemming from the divorce) a few consults when we had plans you pay a monthly fee for (either ourselves or employer paid) a few for the death of my mom, a couple regarding divorcing my current husband now that we live in a different state, well you get the drift.

The lawyers should all be friendly and know you're there to get as much info as you can. Don't get sidetracked on your questions, it's not a social visit, they shouldn't talk your ear off over other things...since each minute with a lawyer is usually being billed. Anyone who gives you bad jives or red flags, go elsewhere unless they are known as the absolute BEST. The bad part about that is they usually have underlings do the majority of the work & you don't hear from them personally, if at all...cause they are the adjudicator, you should see them if it goes to trial. A possible reason, just conjecturing, most attorneys are not adjudicators & don't go into courtrooms. If you have to do a trial, ask how comfortable or experienced they are. This is why you'll see so many attorneys talking with their clients in hallways, cafeterias etc at the courthouse, they are trying to make deals so they can avoid a trial.

[This message edited by oldtimer97 at 2:54 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]

Breezy150 posted 6/3/2014 14:56 PM

Thank you, thank you. Good to know that my odds of dying in the meeting are very low. Lol. Feels like a heart attack though.

BreatheAgain10 posted 6/3/2014 15:00 PM

Breezy, you may be on your way to see your L, but I still want to send you good vibes and strength for what you choose to do from here on out!
I've struggled with panic attacks that developed sometime (gradually) after my last DDay. I've been in group therapy to help me cope with the physical adrenaline symptoms so maybe a couple techniques that work for me can help you next time you feel that outta control adrenaline rush...
Stretching and focused breathing...
Like yoga type poses. Before I was heavily pregnant, my favorite, never fail pose was just to sit on the floor with my legs out in front of me in a V-shape. I would just try to lean over and try to get my face as close to my knees as possible. Now, I'm flexible, but find a pose you like and can do comfortably. Hold a stretch and breathe deeply. This calms the adrenaline response that's responsible for the "fight or flight" feelings.
Another thing that helps calm those anxious feelings is to remind myself that the panicky feelings are just too much adrenaline pumping thru my blood. They won't hurt me and they will go away when i stop feeding them fear. Visualizing a stop sign can help too- just like it does with mind movies.
Hope this helps any!
Good luck and (((Hugs)))

[This message edited by BreatheAgain10 at 3:04 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]

Breezy150 posted 6/3/2014 16:20 PM

Thank you all so much. I made it!!! I did it by myself!!! With support from all of you.

Knowledge is power, I am not as good or as bad off as I thought. Next step is deciding legal separation or D. I got the low down on both. Feeling much better that is for sure.

I panicked the entire time but I made it through and I am so very proud of myself right now.

I still hate my life but today I feel so good.

Schadenfreude posted 6/3/2014 16:33 PM

So the old Queen tune "Another One Bites the Dust" didn't happen to come to pass today,,did it.? See, we are all not evil destroyers of truth and justice..

Now he can't bullshit you with the "my lawyer told me we'll destroy you " speech, can he?

When some future poster demonstrates the same reluctance, please tell them while it's not fun, it's not horrible, either. Helps,if they hear it from a layperson.

I often told nervous clients that I knew visiting me for the first time was about as much fun as a trip to the dentist, but way easier than a trip to the undertaker's office.

Breezy150 posted 6/3/2014 16:43 PM

So true. I feel much better, I should have never put it off so long.

I have a couple of things to do as homework and then talk to her again and things are on their way to a better day.

I will be sure to share my experience with the newbies, I really regret not going earlier.

lieshurt posted 6/3/2014 21:04 PM

oldtimer97 posted 6/3/2014 22:22 PM

I panicked the entire time but I made it through and I am so very proud of myself right now.

I still hate my life but today I feel so good.

Congratulations! Infidelity, legal separation and/or divorce are all significant emotional events, a rite of passage so to speak, like getting married, having children, the death of a parent or sibling. But from this event(s) you are going to be forced to participate, good or bad, and you will experience a growth & knowledge that wasn't present until this/these event(s). Have confidence that no matter the outcome, you will still come out the better for it in the long run.

Couple of tips for you. Now that you've got one attorney under your belt, unless he already has one of his own locked in. If not, go for as many free consults as you're up for. The reason? Anyone you consult with (if you're in the US) can not take him as a client. Doing so, would be a breech of confidentiality because of your prior consult with them. This is handy knowledge to have if there are some top dog attorneys in your locale. A good place to start would be "mens rights" attorneys.

2nd. Panic attacks. I had a brief spell with either panic attacks or my heart condition. My cardiologist at the time gave me an exercise he said would help for either. Basically you sit in a chair, throw your head down as far between your legs as you can to get the blood flowing there and repeatedly hold your breath for as long as you can (like you do with hiccups) until the attack passes. Mine mysteriously stopped right after I had to perform them @ Walmart in the shoe department Good luck on that & congrats again!

BrokenheartedUK posted 6/4/2014 02:12 AM

Breezy150 you go girl!! You did it! Well done!!

It does feel good when you know where the reality is for you if you decide to divorce. It may not come to that but if you do, you know where you stand.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. And you've taken that step.

Hugs!

tushnurse posted 6/4/2014 08:09 AM

Just like I said with each step you will find you are stronger, and happier.

You are an amazing woman, who can get a whole hellofa lot more out of life. Go get it Girl.

(((and strength)))