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A tiny turning point

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Lakehuron posted 6/3/2014 15:19 PM

Like others on here, I went through hell the first couple of months. I still am to a great degree. My WW was doing everything she could think of to prove how sorry she was. We started MC, she gave me total access to all her electronic devices and e-mail accounts. She started writing details of every encounter she had with him. As much as she could remember. We had sex 7-8 times a week. She initiated all of it. She listened to me rant and rave and never argued back. She was totally submissive. I didnít know what I was going to do. I kept giving myself goals. I couldnít think about long term so I started out staying one more day, then one more week. Iíll stay till Christmas. Iíll give it till Spring Break. My goals eventually became long range. I donít have any short term goals any more. Early on It sort of pissed me off how submissive she was. She was never like that before. I was constantly on the look for one more excuse to leave. The final straw. I never got it. One day I came home from work. I was down in my hell hole. I know I was looking for a fight. I could always feel them feelings coming on but there was no way to stop it. Sometimes I would just stay out in the garage and hope it will pass. It didnít pass. I started with the snide comments hoping she would bite on something so I could have an excuse to vent all my anger. At one point I saw her on the phone and that set me off. She used to sit across from me and text him. I didnít know it at the time. I yelled something and stormed into the bedroom. At the same time a text came through to me. It was from her. It was a link to a video. She was texting me. It was Whatever it Takes by Life House I cried like a baby. That was about 2 months in. Still very early on but it was a tiny turning point for me. She had been searching for weeks for just the right song to express to me her feelings. I was still in hell but I could finally see that there is a glimmer of hope for us. I started listening to Life House. Turns out that I could relate to almost every one of their songs. Itís like they are following me around. I just wanted to share this. I know that this is one little thing that made me feel better at the time. Itís not the magic pill everyone is looking for but maybe this will help someone out a little.

[This message edited by Lakehuron at 8:29 AM, June 5th (Thursday)]

LastChance4Me posted 6/3/2014 18:04 PM

That's a great song. Thanks for sharing.

jo2love posted 6/4/2014 08:26 AM

Lakehuron -

Please remember to follow the Recon forum guidelines when posting. There is to be no name calling of the OM/OW. Thank you.

Lakehuron posted 6/4/2014 21:22 PM

I apologize for the name calling. I just realized that yesterday was 7months exactly since DDay. I have woken up the 3rd of each month depressed and thinking about the significance of the day. Yesterday I just woke up and went about my day. I know I thought of the A 10,000 times yesterday but it didn't get me down and I never thought about it being an 8th month antiversary. I'm not sure what it means to my R. Maybe I am healing. I do know I feel a whole lot better than I did 7 months ago. I feel horrible for the people that have recently found out and wonder if the pain will ever stop.

[This message edited by Lakehuron at 8:28 AM, June 5th (Thursday)]

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