If you know how I'd feel about it, why do it???
I know where you are at.....see my "help" post of today.
I will say a specific prayer for you both now.
God is with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 7:16 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Never be so focused on what you're looking for that you overlook the thing you actually find.”
Your character is what you do when you think no one is watching.
he is more concerned with what the guys think of him than what his wife thinks of him.
in which case, he's got his priorities SERIOUSLY mixed up. That's weak and pathetic, and he has some broken stuff inside that needs addressing,
it's that he's using that as an EXCUSE to try to justify and minimise his behaviour and blameshift, distancing responsibility for his actions from himself.
Either way, totally unacceptable, and indicates a very unhealthy attitude.
I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. My WH really struggles to accept that what he did counts as cheating... it was "only flirting"... (oh and a kiss or two)...
It is hard for some WH to accept responsibility for what they've done, so it's easier for them to lie, deny, minimise, and give excuses.
DD #1 26 August 2013 - EA on FB and phone with a former flame OW#2 for about 8 months
DD #2 30 April 2014 - EA/PA for 10 months in 2011 with OW#1
Hoping for R
I'm so sorry for your pain. It appears to me that your H has a porn addiction. You are right to put boundaries in place. Make sure he is fully aware that these are your requirements if he wants to have any chance of R with you. I too work in an environment where the guys are looking at porn on their smart phones for hours throughout the day. It took me some time to get my friends to stop sending me porn. I just let them know I wasn't interested. It's sad that are culture is so used to seeing this garbage that we actually think it's harmless. It's so destructive to our culture and family values. You do deserve better.
They will give him a hard time if he doesn't participate in degrading women and acting like complete jackasses apparently!
Even without infidelity, I would not accept this behavior from my husband/ partner. If this is pervasive in workplace or popular culture, then I will continue to opt out of such settings. I think you need to make your boundaries clear, and figure out your consequences and stick to them. It sounds like he has heard your boundaries and is aware of them. Then consequences are the next step.
It sounds like you are starting to detach, and that might be the healthiest thing for you. Take care of yourself. Lead an authentic and healthy life. If he wants to join you and is able to before your give-a-shit completely stops working, great.....
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou