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deena04 posted 6/3/2014 19:03 PM

He tries, but totally doesn't get it. The other day, I went through his phone and found nude/semi-nude model pics from the Internet in his text that he had made up a name and acted as though this guy texted him these pics. His phone number was attached to the name. I have cried, tried, and slowly watched my give-a-shit walk away with each thing I find out or slipup along the way. His excuse was that the guys at work all have pics like this and will wonder why he doesn't get involved in showing and talking about this type of thing. They will give him a hard time if he doesn't participate in degrading women and acting like complete jackasses apparently! I really can't put up with it; it's just the beginning of making it too easy to slipup! He got mad, then apologized, and it's still bugging me. If you know how I'd feel about it, why do it???

blakesteele posted 6/3/2014 19:09 PM

((((Deena04)))


If you know how I'd feel about it, why do it???


I know where you are at.....see my "help" post of today.


I will say a specific prayer for you both now.

God is with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 7:16 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]

rachelc posted 6/3/2014 19:39 PM

Priorities. Seriously. It's not that hard to live them. I would implement the 180.
I'm so sorry he's not getting it.....

phoenix2015 posted 6/3/2014 20:44 PM

So sorry! It appears he is more concerned with what the guys think of him than what his wife thinks of him. I know that hurts

Branca posted 6/3/2014 22:22 PM

Either it's this:

he is more concerned with what the guys think of him than what his wife thinks of him.

in which case, he's got his priorities SERIOUSLY mixed up. That's weak and pathetic, and he has some broken stuff inside that needs addressing,

OR

it's that he's using that as an EXCUSE to try to justify and minimise his behaviour and blameshift, distancing responsibility for his actions from himself.

Either way, totally unacceptable, and indicates a very unhealthy attitude.

I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. My WH really struggles to accept that what he did counts as cheating... it was "only flirting"... (oh and a kiss or two)...

It is hard for some WH to accept responsibility for what they've done, so it's easier for them to lie, deny, minimise, and give excuses.

Better4it posted 6/3/2014 22:48 PM

Hi Deena04,

I'm so sorry for your pain. It appears to me that your H has a porn addiction. You are right to put boundaries in place. Make sure he is fully aware that these are your requirements if he wants to have any chance of R with you. I too work in an environment where the guys are looking at porn on their smart phones for hours throughout the day. It took me some time to get my friends to stop sending me porn. I just let them know I wasn't interested. It's sad that are culture is so used to seeing this garbage that we actually think it's harmless. It's so destructive to our culture and family values. You do deserve better.

OnAnIsland posted 6/4/2014 01:52 AM

Deena, so sorry that you are dealing with this.

They will give him a hard time if he doesn't participate in degrading women and acting like complete jackasses apparently!

Even without infidelity, I would not accept this behavior from my husband/ partner. If this is pervasive in workplace or popular culture, then I will continue to opt out of such settings. I think you need to make your boundaries clear, and figure out your consequences and stick to them. It sounds like he has heard your boundaries and is aware of them. Then consequences are the next step.

It sounds like you are starting to detach, and that might be the healthiest thing for you. Take care of yourself. Lead an authentic and healthy life. If he wants to join you and is able to before your give-a-shit completely stops working, great.....

deena04 posted 6/4/2014 08:21 AM

Thank you; it takes more strength to do what is right and not follow the trend. He doesn't get it. It makes him weak because he is afraid of them. He even asked what he is supposed to tell them when he doesn't participate, and I said "tell them the truth"!

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