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WS tells me deal with it you wanted to know!

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sparkle09 posted 6/3/2014 21:11 PM

Its been a while since I posted. We have been making progress lately..well I have. My husband swings back and forth (he is bipolar). When I am angry like today..he blames me knowing details. He repeatedly tells me its my fault for wanting to know everything and I need to deal with it. WTF! Today I found out he did drugs with his AP. He would take my pain killers and give her one when they would meet up. This is beyond out of character for him and Im just in shock and angry! Its like when he is confronted with this horrid details (like calling her 210 times in 2013 and 20 times in 3 days when I was 8 months pregnant) he gets so angry at me for knowing the truth! When he calms down he tells me he knows it wrong and he doesn't know how to react and cant believe the things he did and how he is treating me. I am so discouraged. He can be so sweet and gently with me at times and then he just flips and there is no turning back. I am so exhausted emotionally.

FixYou71 posted 6/4/2014 00:36 AM

I'm so sorry. I know there are many details for me that feel like each is its own betrayal. Each has its own significance and its own reason for causing you specific pain.
I hope he is able to find that sympathetic place for you and stay there, for your sake. You deserve to be held and comforted and apologized to. You deserve to have your intense pain heard and validated and not be judged. He needs to understand why we, as BS' s need details. We ask for them even though we know the answers we will get will be excruciating. We only do it because it's the only way we can heal and move forward. Noone WANTS to hear those things. We need the truth. The full story. We need it to see clearly what our past is and what we are up against. A story without details can appear to be a completely different story. The details are the backbone to the story. If your loved one was kidnapped, missing for weeks, found mutilated and murdered, you'd need to fill in the blanks. You'd want to know where and when and how about every moment from the time they went missing. This is fundamental. This is not you being your own punisher by asking. He needs to get this. You need these to process your story. He sees it as HIS story at those times when he is being harsh with you. I pray he transitions to the comforting husband you need him to be and sees your pain in a way he hasn't been able to yet. (((Hugs)))

rachelc posted 6/4/2014 06:09 AM

he gets so angry at me for knowing the truth!

is he in IC. Because this is a bad bad problem. He needs to deal with his shame - or whatever this is - so he can help you heal. Currently, its still all about him.
has he done any reading?

deena04 posted 6/4/2014 10:52 AM

(((sparkle09))) I am sorry. He sounds like he is blameshifting a bit here. Does he seem remorseful at all or no? Bottom line is that you didn't deserve this. He says you will deal with it. Oh no, HE will deal with whatever you dish out and the consequences of HIS actions. Be strong!!

Rebreather posted 6/4/2014 11:01 AM

He can be so sweet and gently with me at times and then he just flips and there is no turning back.

This is a very classic abuse cycle. I strongly encourage you read up on this cycle, and understand how it relates to how you are living.

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