he gets so angry at me for knowing the truth!
is he in IC. Because this is a bad bad problem. He needs to deal with his shame - or whatever this is - so he can help you heal. Currently, its still all about him.
has he done any reading?
He can be so sweet and gently with me at times and then he just flips and there is no turning back.
This is a very classic abuse cycle. I strongly encourage you read up on this cycle, and understand how it relates to how you are living.