Tonight one of the others who is not yet finalized with his D, and is also a BS called me to say he was considering reconciling with his WW. She is a hot mess, very NPD and actually left him to move in with the OM. Now she has her own place, and has been trying to get my friend to take her back. She says she and the OM broke up months ago. Typical.
It's like watching an accident that you cannot stop-- he even said that he feels like it won't work out. He knows the trust will never return and he knows a happier life is out there waiting for him. All of his friends are saying that to him, too, and he is just so confused. I didn't know what to tell him other than my experience with R (obviously unsuccessful).
I feel bad for him. I told him humans are strange because we rarely ever learn by example- we all like to think we are different and it won't be the same for us! He laughed and agreed. I wish I could help him, so I told him I would be here if he needed to chat. Other than that, he's going to have to let it run it's course, right?
I hate seeing him in pain, with no way to stop the inevitable pain coming down the tracks. :(
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
I told him humans are strange because we rarely ever learn by example- we all like to think we are different and it won't be the same for us!
This is so unfortunately true.
Thanks nik... I know it is helpful for him to have someone to talk to. It's just so hard because I want to tell him to run like the wind, but it know that is such a hard message to hear. He clearly is not ready for that... Even though his own gut is practically screaming it to him.
These women were there and their stories went just like this:
My ex had an affair and left and moved in with the OW. They broke up, and he came back home. I took him back. A few years later, he met another OW and moved in with her. They broke up, and I let him come back home because I took my marriage and my vows before God seriously.
My ex used to get drunk and beat me. He didn't work and I supported us. He used to take my money and blow it on beer and cigarettes. I put up with it for years because I took my marriage and my vows before God seriously. He finally left to go be with the OW that he met at the bar. We are still legally married even though he lives with her. I don't want to divorce him because I take my marriage and my vows before God seriously.
My ex left me while I was pregnant to go live with the OW. We got divorced and my parents paid to have the marriage annulled. He broke up with the OW and came back to me. We got remarried because I didn't want my daughter to not have a father. He used to beat both me and my daughter. I didn't want to leave because I took my marriage and my vows before God seriously.
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed LADIES! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! GOD DOES NOT WANT YOU TO LIVE LIKE THIS!
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
there are some people, including some of my friends who just cannot move on and accept what they have already seen...and want to believe....and therein is the crux of the matter....
most humans want to believe.....whether its in Santa Claus (lol) or in their wayward spouses
the cynical humans are the one who never believe...
i would like to think i am somewhere in between....close to 15 years ago, i was going thru a hard time in my marriage (didnt learn the real why til 5years ago) and so was my friend...the 2 of us with small tots in tow went to costco....and the next think you know she points to a gentleman..and says "miracle, do you see what i see"....i turn around and there is this gentleman, wearing jean overalls that were a bit short, a veteran cap, his hair was white (as snow) and a lot of it...and he had a full beard that matched...and the kicker...in his cart was nothing but oreo cookies and milk....
i swear we both thought we were crazy....ran into him again in another part of the store....and took a pic with him....i cannot remember what he said upon talking to him....but i do remember that whatever it was it had my friend and i scratchin our heads...and btw she is a cynic....
humans want to believe....it represents everything we really want...even some cynics want to believe if they are honest!!!
and i keep on steppin!!!
I remember not having the strength to talk about anything with my friends. However, if he is trying to R with his wife, a friendship with a woman she doesn't know will hardly help that situation. I certainly don't want to make things more difficult for him!
He has kids with this WW, and I think that is creating the fog he is currently living in. Down in D/S we all know you can't make it work "for the kids" - but again, it's a ride each one of us has had to take, a journey we all think just might be different for us, and it's only when we step off the crazy train at the end of our ride that we can look back and say, "Well shit, they were right."