But I know there is a lot of work for both of us, so as an introduction, here is the letter I wrote:
About 4 months after our wedding you met & fell in love with another woman. You spent time with her, without my knowledge, which means you were hiding it from me. Which means you were lying either outright or by omission. You kissed her - and not just as a friend. And still you did not tell me. I met & liked her and still you did not tell me. Still you lied. For months you lied by not telling me.
Instead you researched & decided you had so much love to give and started to look at a poly lifestyle. A lifestyle where what you did was the norm. And I found out about that. And rather than dismiss it immediately I tried to think if there was some way it could work. Because I love you that much. And as I was working on processing all this, my questions lead to what happened between you & her. Not a single tiny bit of info was freely given to me, though at least every question was answered honestly. I think.
And so that was how I discovered that you cheated on me shortly after our wedding & lied about it for months. By reading between the lines of your answers. By questioning further & further when I didn't want to.
For years I believed I was so lucky. Some things were hard, but not only did you love me, you also respected me. Our relationship, I thought, was based on trust & communication. (A friend) asked me if it was worth it. I said yes. 100 times yes. Because of that respect & trust.
And now I see I didn't have that. You didn't love and respect me enough to not kiss her. You didn't love & respect me enough to tell me - to keep that trust & communication intact. Instead you looked for a way to make it ok.
I am no longer special.
I break a thousand times every hour.
I have nothing.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I am also 1 week after my d-day and I am also expecting a baby with WS.
It is sickening that someone we love so much, and who we thought love and respected us beyond words could behave this way. It's sociopathic.
It sounds like you are open to R, my advice would be to take care of yourself as much as possible. I cannot relate to wanting R, but many of the posts here mention that doing the 180 is powerful.
Take care, and keep posting for support!
I do need to take better care of myself. Please, you do the same.
It sounds like your WH could be remorseful, but I would recommend reading in The Healing Library AND counseling.
You cannot allow this to be swept under the rug. Both of you need to discuss and process this event in your lives.
Even if WH went no further than kissing, the emotional affair is just as devastating.
Take care of yourself and that baby!
Wishing you all the best.
I have read many of the articles in the library and WS is also reading many of the things here and discussing his thoughts with me. Sometimes I think we'll end up stronger. Other times I doubt myself.
We had our first ultrasound today. It was good.
It just hurts so bad, doesn't it.
Check out http://betrayedwivesclub.blogspot.com/ if you wish. Elle is very wise.
I've ordered 2 of the recommended books and will check out that site as well.