I just looked at the calendar. Exactly 1 week ago. How can it be only one week? I wrote him a letter a day or 2 after discovery. Since then, I think, his world has also cracked apart. He has shown true desire to do everything necessary to repair the damage, even offering NC before I asked. We've been together 8 years, married less than 1, have a son, and another child on the way.
But I know there is a lot of work for both of us, so as an introduction, here is the letter I wrote:
About 4 months after our wedding you met & fell in love with another woman. You spent time with her, without my knowledge, which means you were hiding it from me. Which means you were lying either outright or by omission. You kissed her - and not just as a friend. And still you did not tell me. I met & liked her and still you did not tell me. Still you lied. For months you lied by not telling me.
Instead you researched & decided you had so much love to give and started to look at a poly lifestyle. A lifestyle where what you did was the norm. And I found out about that. And rather than dismiss it immediately I tried to think if there was some way it could work. Because I love you that much. And as I was working on processing all this, my questions lead to what happened between you & her. Not a single tiny bit of info was freely given to me, though at least every question was answered honestly. I think.
And so that was how I discovered that you cheated on me shortly after our wedding & lied about it for months. By reading between the lines of your answers. By questioning further & further when I didn't want to.
For years I believed I was so lucky. Some things were hard, but not only did you love me, you also respected me. Our relationship, I thought, was based on trust & communication. (A friend) asked me if it was worth it. I said yes. 100 times yes. Because of that respect & trust.
And now I see I didn't have that. You didn't love and respect me enough to not kiss her. You didn't love & respect me enough to tell me - to keep that trust & communication intact. Instead you looked for a way to make it ok.
I am no longer special.
I break a thousand times every hour.
I have nothing.