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180 with Child

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LostSamurai posted 6/4/2014 07:09 AM

We are separated and I am pretty sure going to be divorcing. How do I 180 in the meantime with child. I emailed her today stating what I would like to do with my Daughter.

Sorry if I am posting a lot...

MovingUpward posted 6/4/2014 07:30 AM

Don't worry about posting a lot. Post as much as you need to with whatever questions you have.

Since you are separated you should approach communications like you would with a business associate. You only discuss items that you need to discuss. You do it without emotion.

You will have to keep eachother informed on your daughters needs, activities, accomplishments, etc. But it doesn't have to be detailed.


DD fell and scraped her knee at the park today. We cleaned her up and she seems to be ok. I will keep a watch on it in case an infection does arise.


DD has some school events coming up and I wanted you to have the details.
- Band concert Sept 14 7pm gym
- Field trip Oct 1 needs to bring a lunch

When I first got D'ed it was email only. I still do email but if either of needs to we will call at this point. Things are ok enough between us to do that.

[This message edited by MovingUpward at 7:31 AM, June 4th (Wednesday)]

LostSamurai posted 6/4/2014 07:41 AM

Ok. Thank you very much.

Wasn't sure what the appropriate method is with dealing with children.

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 7:42 AM, June 4th (Wednesday)]

brokeninfl posted 6/4/2014 07:47 AM

Yep -- everything that Moo said.

Keep things business like -- distant and dispasionate. No info except as it pertains to the kids. (or finances if applicable) I was strictly text and e-mail for 99.99% of communiction (and still am)

If she tries to engage about something other then kids and finances -- *crickets* is your answer (i've just re-learned why this is so improtant)

If you get e-mailed scheduals for kids activties just forward them. (At this point my kids are in elementry school, so told him to add himself to the list-serve, he's on the teachers e-mail list - and any paper docs I get that he needs to know about (report cards, passwords for school sites etc.) I take pictures of the actual papers and just text them to him.

I also don't (unless the kids request it) send updates on anything non-esential -- a scraped knee, or bruse or fight with their brother (unless it's part of a bigger issue) doesn't get any communication at all. Events he should be aware of (open houses who's info has gone out of the list serve etc.) also don't get reminders.

I'm so sorry you are gonig through this. the 180 can be hard in the beginning (very hard) but you will find freedom and strength in the distance you find thorugh it.

[This message edited by brokeninfl at 7:49 AM, June 4th (Wednesday)]

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