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Newest Member: Misty33 (46040)

User Topic: Schadenfreude
Harriet
♀ 34543
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate it when I read people's Facebook posts about their anniversaries. I get all annoyed and petty about it. Bleah.

Then I feel bad for feeling that way.

It's like reverse schadenfreude...freudenschad?


D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 565 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
freeatlast72
♀ 42758
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what you mean! It seems like everyday there is a mushy post and wedding picture to go along with it....

Glad I am not the only one who feels this way!


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then I feel bad for feeling that way.
No need to feel bad about that reaction - your feelings are valid, Harriet. I remember feeling exactly the same way.

I'm to the point now where I am happy for the couple without connecting it in anyway to my experiences, but it took time for me to get there. I'm sure you will, too.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26531 | Registered: Aug 2011
one2ndchance
♀ 14759
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you ever seen posts of people complaining about their spouses? Facebook is where people put on a facade of how wonderful their lives are.


Me: BW 60
Him: STBXWH 62
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorce final: 9/2014

Posts: 486 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
kg201
♂ 40173
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^what NIK said.

Comparing ourselves to others is a human trait, but it is also a very quick way to stinkyness (for lack of a better word). One of our goals as BSs is to disengage our lives from the X, and not worry so much about what they are experiencing. I think this is very similar to our relationships with other people as well. Our happiness does not depend on anyone else but ourselves.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 803 | Registered: Aug 2013
Gemini71
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Harriet, I completely understand this. Last week was my IL's 45th anniversary. I could hardly bare to look at the post. Especially since our 19th anniversary was Tuesday. So I posted Carrie Underwood's "Undo It" as my song of the day.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 2100 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
nekorb
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah. Happy couples are everywhere. I can't get away from them. It just makes me sad. I will never have a 50th wedding anniversary party. I will not be able to talk to my kids and grand kids about how to make a marriage last for a lifetime. I will not be able to just go to my kids' wedding and enjoy it because I will have to deal with WS being there.

I hope some day to be able to feel happy for someone in love again, instead of wondering how long it's going to be before their partner jerks the rug out from under them.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
StrongAlone
♀ 39564
Member # 39564
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's why I don't go on Facebook anymore!! Can't stand it anymore.


Me (BS) 40 Him (WH, SA, covert NPD) 41
Married 8 years, 2 young kids
DD1-Right after engagement 2004
DD2-Email from OW 2008
DD3-2012-Him diagnosed with cancer, I thought we grew closer, he kept cheating.
Divorced

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 8

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