"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

She11ybeanz posted 6/4/2014 12:16 PM

So... I think some people just have the "it" factor when it comes to meeting the opposite sex. I think I have the "ick" factor.....or put off a "Go to hell" vibe that turns guys off. I'm not sure what it is....but no one ever.....and I do mean EVER approaches me and asks me out (in public). It just doesn't happen. I think being abducted by aliens would be more likely in my case.

I've been single now for a little over 2 years.....been on a few dates...most of which poofed after one (of which I thought were good dates..... ??)and a few oddball dates (went out with an older man and a younger guy - opposite ends of the spectrum and not really super attracted to either of them including the 25 year old but knew right away that they weren't for me and ended up 1st and last dates).

So....I think I'm just going to let the cards fall as they may. I have tried the online dating experience....and IMHO....it sucks bad for me. I get hit on by the very young, the very old, or the very horny. I'm pretty well sick of even looking anymore to see what's out there and I think I'm just going to leave it up to fate.....for me to trip or run into the man of my dreams. I think I'm starting to prefer being single.....and just enjoying my life with my daughter.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 12:17 PM, June 4th (Wednesday)]

BelleStar posted 6/4/2014 13:10 PM

Right there with ya sister! Im batting a big ZERO when it comes to meeting someone. I just got back from a lunch meet and greet from an OLD connection and now I am not sure if I want to continue the OLD....maybe I'll find the tooth fairy will leave me one under my pillow...

She11ybeanz posted 6/4/2014 13:39 PM

Only if the tooth fairy looks like "The Rock" (Dwayne Johnson) (he did that Tooth Fairy movie! Okay....bad joke! ) But, yeah....it would be nice if my guardian angel put a bow around Mr. Right and put him on my doorstep, rang the doorbell, and he greeted me with a cheesy come hither grin! But, we all want to live in Wonderland, don't we?!

need_hope posted 6/4/2014 15:15 PM

Have you tried speed dating? That appeals to me more than OLD because you actually meet the people face-to-face so you know they are real people! LOL It also gives you the opportunity to talk - actually talk! - in a non-threatening environment.

I went to one last week for the first time. A friend and I did it together. It was an adventure.

She11ybeanz posted 6/4/2014 15:58 PM

Have you tried speed dating?

No.... That sounds kinda terrifying.... But, at least you can NEXT quickly if it gets too scary!!! I don't know if they offer that around here or not... I live in a middle sized city....

If you really thought you liked someone and felt a connection did you slip them your number real quick and hope at the end of the lottery you got picked?? How does it work?

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 3:58 PM, June 4th (Wednesday)]

libertyrocks posted 6/4/2014 16:11 PM

I agree, Shelly. I did not like OLD. I tried for two days. Got threesome offers, young men, old men, horney men, as well. Speed dating sounds worse. And, in person, I never want to say I met this person at the gas station, supermarket, home depot, etc. I mean, where else do I go? lol

I'm just gonna stop trying, too. Forget it. If it happens, it happens.

Here's my plan. I'm gonna do what makes me happy. I have a dirt bike class this weekend, I'm going to my friend's daughter's recital, and going to events on facebook from friends and family. That's what I'm gonna do. Have some fun and see what happens...

Good luck sweetie. I know it's hard being alone...OLD kinda creeped me out. I felt so trashy displaying and trying to "sell" myself so to speak...But, that's just me. A LOT of people have great success with OLD, it just wasn't for me.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 4:33 PM, June 4th (Wednesday)]

need_hope posted 6/4/2014 16:36 PM

I don't know if they all work the same but that have to be at least somewhat similar. Everyone got a name tag with first names only and an ID number. You also got a dating card where you fill in the names & ID #s if the people you talk to.

You talk to everyone, one at a time, for a short amount of time. Somewhere between 5-10 minutes. When the bell rings, you move on to the next one. You don't give out any personal information or say you'd like to see them again or not. You just move on. At the end of each conversation you check "yes" or "no" next to that persons name on your dating card and he does the same on his. At the end of the evening, everyone turns in their cards.

If you say "yes" to someone and they say "yes" to you, the speed dating coordinator will send your contact information to each other. If you both say no or only one person says "yes", no information is shared.

cayc posted 6/4/2014 16:41 PM

Need_hope you must be an extrovert to be promoting the idea of speed dating as a viable alternative to meeting people. Speed dating sounds like hell on wheels to me!

Brandon808 posted 6/4/2014 17:11 PM

excuse the t/j, but every time I read something like this...

I agree, Shelly. I did not like OLD. I tried for two days. Got threesome offers, young men, old men, horney men,

...I feel bad for any woman who endures that but I also feel a bit discouraged. Like they give men who try OLD a bad name so it already puts a strike against me if I were to try it.

jo2love posted 6/4/2014 18:22 PM

She11y, Leaving it up to fate sounds like a good plan.

Brandon808, 2 of my friends found their husbands via OLD. They bother are happily married for years.

Lonelygirl10 posted 6/4/2014 18:35 PM

There are a ton of bad guys on OLD, but there are good guys on there too. And I think it works the same way with girls on OLD. I've talked to guys who have had some horrible experiences with meeting girls on OLD.

heartbroken_kk posted 6/4/2014 18:38 PM

Have you tried adding cycling to your fitness program? Both road and mountain biking have more male than female participants. If you have a bike, why not sign up for a meetup group that has rides in your area? You don't even need a fancy bike to get started, just one with gears.

I love mountain biking. I also love hanging out with mountain bikers - in general I find that groups of guys who ride together are there for the ride experience but are perfectly comfortable having an acutal conversation with other riders - including female riders. Since women are not super common it's not something they are "expecting" on their ride and you can have your boundaries and just focus on the ride before you flirt with any of them.

She11ybeanz posted 6/4/2014 21:09 PM

Well, I do running groups. I'm not a super great cycler....and not sure I could keep up.... definitely not built like those skinny guys either. Might make me a bit self conscience.... But, I agree it would be a great way to meet guys. My luck on mountain biking would be that my clumsy self would fly over my handle bars and maybe get rescued by a single hot cycler wanting to sweep me off my feet and carry me 2 miles to safety!

She11y, Leaving it up to fate sounds like a good plan.

Me too....I'm just EXHAUSTED from even trying and thinking about it. I just want things to happen naturally.....like God intended it to be....

clralb posted 6/5/2014 15:06 PM

I'm in the same boat.

I'm told I am attractive (without fishing for compliments).

I'm pleasant and, I think, approachable when I am out and about.

Nothing. I have not had a date in over two years.

I just don't understand. I'm not desperate. I'm happy with myself and do not mind spending time alone.

The speed dating thing sounds interesting.

And I am out there and not a hermit.

Schadenfreude posted 6/5/2014 15:23 PM

My wife met me at my teams softball game. Came as guest of my teammate, not his date..

Prior gf met me at scuba class. Way more men than women.

In both cases, the women were smart enough to let me know they might be interested, yet weren't selling themselves to hard. No pressure

burnedcanuckEMS posted 6/5/2014 17:22 PM

Shellybeanz, I can totally relate!!

I think I have the "ick" factor.....or put off a "Go to hell" vibe that turns guys off. I'm not sure what it is....but no one ever.....and I do mean EVER approaches me and asks me out (in public). It just doesn't happen. I think being abducted by aliens would be more likely in my case.

This is totally me, except I think I give off a huge "F off" vibe, as you can see by my other thread about OLD.

Its so frustrating at times. I see the other single girls I work with out flirting it up and they seem to always be on dates with new guys. The men just fall at their feet. I wonder what I am doing wrong?? I'm no supermodel but I think I look pretty damned good for my age. People are always guessing my age at least 5-7 years younger than I am. Somehow though all I get are the weirdos. Oh well, at least being single I don't have to answer to anyone! There are benefits to this lonely lifestyle.

StoryHour posted 6/8/2014 20:02 PM

I agree you have to wade through a lot of muck with online dating. Some of the responses I've gotten have been nothing short of comical.

dignityintact posted 6/9/2014 13:43 PM

I am so with you on this....

however I've been single since 2010!! and I'm 43!!!! yep, pretty depressing....BUT I'm now teaching myself to love my life as a single, do what I want, and if fate sends someone my so be it...I'm not holding my breath.
I wasn't much of a dater before XH - only a couple of bf - and I've tried OLD for a year (!), I tried most sites, and am of the conclusion that I am not an attractive option....well, I think I am, but I'm not putting myself out there for this type of failure anymore...who needs the extra pressure in their life?? Not me..

Good luck She11y - you'll be fine

rollerager posted 6/10/2014 08:22 AM

I feel the same way. My WS is the only person I've had a relationship with and the only person who showed interest in me beyond sex. I wonder all the time how I am ever gonna find anyone because I don't ever get noticed.

I'm not interested in a committed relationship right now though, for obvious reasons but I wouldn't mind hanging out with a group of people or casually dating.

ManBearDivorce posted 6/14/2014 18:55 PM

When all things come down to it, I met my GF when I said I had enough of dating. I just went about my days and there and behold there was a diamond right under me. Someone I thought would never fester into a relationship because BRO-CODE #3 Don't date your bro's sister. LOL It felt wrong but you know it's good when you can laugh at it.